I thought I would post on here for some advice as I feel very confused by conflicting comments from my husband about having children.
I’m 30 and he is 37, we’ve been happily married for nearly 3 years. We have three pets and a mortgage. Earn combined £57,000.
We had the whole baby talk before we got married, he said he wanted to have a family with me but he would prefer us to save for a mortgage first, as we were renting. Fast forward 3 years and we have now been in our mortgaged property for just shy of 2 years, it is liveable we just need to do some painting to finish it off to how we would like it. The topic of babies got brought up when sister in law recently had her DS, and I said I would quite like to try. Husband said he felt we would need to save up a bit first. Our mortgage is around £700pcm plus other bills but I had not thought us too bad financially. I believe his concern was possibly maternity leave and period after. We would manage on his wage to pay all bills but food would need to come from my maternity/salary if we did it that way.
Roll on a few more months and he said he feels ready to try as we can save during maternity. We have been actively trying to conceive for two cycles when he has then requested that we hold off until we get more savings together. For context, we had a noise nuisance letter from the council about our dog barking, but spoke to most neighbours on the road who had no issues. I believe DH is concerned in case we have to spend money on doggy day care or a walker in the day.
At this point I’m really confused and concerned. I’ve tried asking him for a straight answer and he said he wants to have a family but wants to ‘do it right’. I did say that his previous condition was we have a house and we have done this and I’ve waited until he mentioned he was ready for children. I’m 30 and worry if we wait until there is enough money in the bank (don’t even know what figures he’s thinking of) that I’ll run out of time. To mention I have had five years of high levels CIN and just got the all clear so eager to TTC while I have a healthy system.
As this is the second cycle of trying to conceive and having dtd in the fertile window (currently in 2 week wait) now scared that if I am pregnant I may be facing a difficult situation.
I appreciate any advice given even if it is to give my head a wobble!