Broke up with my partner mutually at 35 weeks pregnant

CaitV · 2025-04-12T20:45:33+00:00

I am SO lost right now! I’m 35 weeks pregnant and My ex and I broke up mutually yesterday, but ever since then I’ve been begging for him back like an absolute child! it hasn’t been good between us for a while, but he’s the only man I’ve loved this much in my life so I’m really struggling with the thought of not having him around anymore. the biggest scare for me is doing this pregnancy alone or just with an ex, it’s not what I wanted at all, I have fought really hard for this relationship and it’s drained me more than I care to admit because if he said he wanted to get back together tomorrow, I’d be there in a heartbeat. I’m going between begging him to stay, to mutually agreeing to then lashing out both of us say nasty things to each other. Our relationship has been very toxic for about 16 months, due to his drinking, my problem with drinking, his tendencies to walk away and not come home for hours on end, but then my tendencies to call and call and call while he’s out for hours and not giving him space. we have tried to much to make it work but I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that we’re not together anymore. I’m an absolute wreck of a woman currently, and I’m so lost in my own head, really struggling with coping at the moment. Hoping someone else on here has been through something similar and can help give me advice!

Lulu89x · 13/04/2025 00:52

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. If the alcohol is a problem then unfortunately unless he kicks the habit, you and your baby might be better off without him…. As difficult as it is now, you are so far along and at your most vulnerable.. he knows this..

I hope you find a resolution thar benefits you and your baby. An alcoholic who doesn’t communicate is not the best option.

Original poster

CaitV · 13/04/2025 02:35

@Lulu89x thank you for replying, I really appreciate it.
I really don’t know if he is an alcoholic or not to be honest, all I do know is he needs his social life every weekend to be able to drink and have fun and let loose, sometimes even take drugs.
he’s completely stopped it for me for a few months but it’s turned him into quite a horrible person, and me as well.
so matter how much we try, we argue week in and week out.
when we do argue, he doesn’t talk to me for days, he’ll skip work, he’ll drink and he won’t leave the bed.
it’s come to the point now that he hasn’t had consistent work for so long that I pay for nearly everything, even working 2 jobs at one point to get bills paid (mainly rent).
not sure how someone who claims to love and care about someone else so much can do this and not see how much I’m hurting and how unhappy I am.
saying all this out loud makes it clear it is very toxic and it’s best we walk away from each other, but it would have been so much easier had I not been pregnant- I’m absolutely petrified, never been so scared in my life

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 13/04/2025 10:40

This sounds like a nightmare. It's dreadful that he doesn't seem to be in regular work and you are paying for everything. The best thing you can do in this situation is concentrate on your own well being and preparing for the birth of your baby. This man sounds toxic and a total drain. You might be better of without him in your life if he is going to carry on causing you all those problems.

Lulu89x · 13/04/2025 11:17

CaitV · 13/04/2025 02:35

@Lulu89x thank you for replying, I really appreciate it.
I really don’t know if he is an alcoholic or not to be honest, all I do know is he needs his social life every weekend to be able to drink and have fun and let loose, sometimes even take drugs.
he’s completely stopped it for me for a few months but it’s turned him into quite a horrible person, and me as well.
so matter how much we try, we argue week in and week out.
when we do argue, he doesn’t talk to me for days, he’ll skip work, he’ll drink and he won’t leave the bed.
it’s come to the point now that he hasn’t had consistent work for so long that I pay for nearly everything, even working 2 jobs at one point to get bills paid (mainly rent).
not sure how someone who claims to love and care about someone else so much can do this and not see how much I’m hurting and how unhappy I am.
saying all this out loud makes it clear it is very toxic and it’s best we walk away from each other, but it would have been so much easier had I not been pregnant- I’m absolutely petrified, never been so scared in my life

Honestly, we are all just strangers on the internet and don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship. But someone who mistreats you at all, let alone during pregnancy is not someone who loves and cares for you. And yes, if he needs to go on a bender all the time and occasionally takes drugs, doesn’t work.. he’s hardly a great person to raise a child around.. do you have other support? Friends and family?

you need to think about yourself and the baby now.

LolaBumble · 14/04/2025 12:44

I am very sorry this is happening to you. Of course I don’t know either of you, but from what you’ve said I think you’ll definitely be better off without him. You need to focus on yourself and your baby! Have you got other family and friends around who are able to support you? Is this your first baby?

Original poster

CaitV · 14/04/2025 16:11

LolaBumble · 14/04/2025 12:44

I am very sorry this is happening to you. Of course I don’t know either of you, but from what you’ve said I think you’ll definitely be better off without him. You need to focus on yourself and your baby! Have you got other family and friends around who are able to support you? Is this your first baby?

I believe it was as well, but I’m still embarrassing myself by messaging and calling everyday…
I’ve inky got my mom, no friends around. That’s why I keep wanting to talk to him, I’ve got nothing to distract myself, all I want is him

OP posts:

LolaBumble · 14/04/2025 19:50

You and your baby deserve better, I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time! Maybe try an antenatal class or something for you, to meet new people? Even as just a distraction. Look after yourself x

Lulu89x · 14/04/2025 20:48

CaitV · 14/04/2025 16:11

I believe it was as well, but I’m still embarrassing myself by messaging and calling everyday…
I’ve inky got my mom, no friends around. That’s why I keep wanting to talk to him, I’ve got nothing to distract myself, all I want is him

Show quote history

I really hope you pull yourself out of this situation. You sound like someone who is suffering from some kind of trauma bond. Please think about yourself and your baby x

Lunalovegod · 14/04/2025 21:08

This actually sounds very similar to what I was experiencing in my relationship prior to baby being born (except I didn't drink, only him). We broke up mid pregnancy and I didn't see any signs of him changing, so I went no contact for 3-4 weeks at 8-9 months pregnant. The space did us good. He was then there at the birth, I was induced, in hospital for 5 days ending in an emc, he was there throughout and the whole experience brought us closer together. It was like a fresh start and we grew so much more respect for each other. Baby is now 10 weeks old and he's been in work consistently for the past 8 weeks, isn't drinking like he used to, and we don't argue. The toxicity has gone. I would never have imagined this would be possible with how things used to be, so there is hope. I think you need to stop calling him, have the mindset that you're better off doing this alone if he doesn't change. Focus on making the baby your priority and give him the chance to do the same. I don't think we would be where we are now if we hadn't had the time and space to let everything settle down before the birth.

Sassybooklover · 14/04/2025 21:39

Your priority is now you and your unborn baby. Your partner has an alcohol issue, and if he's binging at weekends, drinking during the week to the point he can't work, then yes, he's an alcoholic. He might at times be mildly functioning, but the rest of the time he's not. You can't change him, you can't make him stop and importantly you can't fix him. You have to focus on your baby, getting things practically sorted and working out what you're going to do regarding living arrangements (has he moved out?), finances etc. You have to accept you will be doing this alone. Your partner is unreliable, is unlikely to offer any practical or financial help. He won't be there to support you or your child. You need to think seriously about if you want this man on the birth certificate? Yes, he could apply to the court for parental responsibility but I doubt he would be bothered. Once he's on the birth certificate, you have to co-parent, and he has parental responsibility as much as you do.

greentreesgrowing · 14/04/2025 22:49

he doesn’t sound like a good partner. Skipping work, alcohol, money issues…sounds like splitting up is the best thing for you - nothing will change if you stay together. Focus on you, leave him alone and tell him to sort his shit out of he wants his family. Understandably it’s hard for you but believe that if it’s meant to be, it will work out and he will get his shit together. Really, you don’t want to raise a kid in toxicity.

Ponderingwindow · 14/04/2025 23:00

The negative things you are writing about your behavior in the relationship are all about reacting poorly to his substance use and socializing.

He is about to be a father. Even if they are just social drinkers, most men know that late in the pregnancy, it’s time to retire from the party life. you and your child deserve better.

Original poster

CaitV · 15/04/2025 06:41

Lunalovegod · 14/04/2025 21:08

This actually sounds very similar to what I was experiencing in my relationship prior to baby being born (except I didn't drink, only him). We broke up mid pregnancy and I didn't see any signs of him changing, so I went no contact for 3-4 weeks at 8-9 months pregnant. The space did us good. He was then there at the birth, I was induced, in hospital for 5 days ending in an emc, he was there throughout and the whole experience brought us closer together. It was like a fresh start and we grew so much more respect for each other. Baby is now 10 weeks old and he's been in work consistently for the past 8 weeks, isn't drinking like he used to, and we don't argue. The toxicity has gone. I would never have imagined this would be possible with how things used to be, so there is hope. I think you need to stop calling him, have the mindset that you're better off doing this alone if he doesn't change. Focus on making the baby your priority and give him the chance to do the same. I don't think we would be where we are now if we hadn't had the time and space to let everything settle down before the birth.

Very similar!
how did you go no contact so easily? I really want to do that but I’m seriously struggling with it!

OP posts: