Pregnant at 41 but also a grandparent

[WisePanda1984]

Hi all, new here but looking for thoughts.

i have just found out at 41 that im around 4 weeks pregnant. I also have 2 grandchildren. Myself and my partner are happy about it, but in the back of my mind im asking myself is this weird and what will other people think? I have older children with my youngest being 16 and my eldest being 24. With others inbetween. I have joked with my older children that I would like another one just to get their thoughts and tbh they were ok but my eldest thinks it’s weird that her sibling would be younger then her child. Is this really the case? Some advice from others would be good, or even advice from others who have been or are in the same situation as myself would be fab. Sorry if this has been a topic before but like I said I’m new here and my head is going a little crazy right now. Xxx thanks in advance.

Happens, in some areas quite a lot. When I was at school, a girl in my year had 3 sequentially starting at 16 - she was pregnant with 3rd when I graduated college.

Her mum had had her at 16, so she was also pregnant when she was having her 3rd with a new partner in her mid 30s. I think they just didn't generally use the uncle/aunt niece/nephew terms 😅

I mean to each their own but I would think it was strange/weird if my mum had another baby now that I have one, I can’t imagine it! But thats just me personally.

I'm guessing your DC had kids pretty young so sometimes this just happens. I know of a couple people. Does anyone really care these days? I wouldn't.

If I’m honest I do think it’s weird but you are where you are.

I have a sibling younger than my eldest who is the same age as my youngest. Tbh I do find it weird.

It happens. If you have your kids young (you did) then chances are you’ll still be fertile when you become a grandparent. I had a couple of friends at school who were the same age or younger than their nieces and nephews 🤷‍♀️ if people raise an eyebrow it will only be once, then they’ll get over it.

My dad had an uncle the same age as him and auntie who was 2 years younger than him! His mum and nan were both pregnant at the same time and obviously his nan then had another after he was born!
Also in the year above me at primary school were two boys who were uncle and nephew, the nephew being older by a few months.
I know of loads of families with very large age gaps between siblings, leading to very small age gaps between aunt/uncle and niece/nephew. It's not that unusual at all, I would not overthink it.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! X

It happens but do you want to do it all again? Childhood with nursery and school etc

My brother in law is in that situation and absolutely hates it! He has children and they are older than his younger siblings…

I don’t think it’s weird, but it doesn’t matter what other people think anyway. It’s just not the “usual” order of things, because most people have children when they’re too old for this to be a possibility. It will be nice that your child and your grandchild will be able to play together!

Well It’s not like it’s impossible, it’s unusual, but everyone knows it’s technically possible if you have a child at very young and old maternal ages, we are fertile for around 30 years at the end of the day. I’m sure you got comments for having a baby as a teenager, you just have to learn to ignore other people if it’s what you want. I’d just consider how it’ll impact your 16 year old who is presumably still at home (I mean more financially and support wise as opposed to embarrassment factor!)

It was extremely common pre birth control for women to have many children (we've got lots of women who had 8-14 children on both sides of my family tree going back to my grandparents and further back) so often the youngest children would be born around the time the oldest children became parents. It's really not that unusual.

Having babies at 41 is far more common than having them at 17 nowadays...I'm a similar age to you and most of my peers have babies and toddlers right now. I don't know anyone who is a grandparent in their 30s or early 40s.

I have a large age gap between myself and my siblings (20years with the oldest, 10 with the youngest next to me). It's honestly no big deal. There's a 15 year age gap between one of my friends and her youngest siblings... they adore each other and always have. Brilliant bond now as the youngest two are in their 20s. They all go on holiday together a few times a year.

Congratulations, it will all be great, don't worry.

I'm younger than my technical step daughter. Same age as another and only 2 years older than another one.
One step daughter also has a child (dh grand daughter) who is only 6 months younger than my daughter (stepdaughters half sister)
I mean if you write it all down it gets a bit confusing but tbh, it doesn't bother my kids or me and dh.
It bothered his prior children but they have a lot of mommy and daddy issues (whack job of a mother deads) and just thought I was in it for the money and that dh was replacing them (even though they are grown ass adults)
But sounds like you actually have a decent relationship with your children so probably won't be a year or two of strife for you 😅

Friend gas a brother who is same age as her oldest child, in the same school and all get along great.

There are so many different blended families this day and age I don't even bat an eye to it anymore. You do you and forget what the judgemental ones say

That really isn’t the same……

I wouldn’t worry about it. Previous posters are right that it happened far more often in the past. My dad has an uncle 7 years younger than him. The pregnancy is a lot to get your head around and it’ll take time to sink in and for it to become your new normal - for you and your children. Just throwing it out there, but could your eldest have any concerns that you wont have as much time for her children? May well not be the case- you know your own children and I obviously don’t! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I think it’s more that when I spoke about maybe having another one to my daughter, she made the comment “you’ve had your time, it our time now, maybe your a bit too old” I don’t feel too old to have children having grandchildren has made me feel younger if that makes sense, I had my children young and close together so never felt I had time and patience to really enjoy them while they were little, I enjoy them now obviously and we have always had a good relationship in general. I will k ways have time for my grandchildren and I think they know that, it’s just a shock as honestly I thought I was starting the peri-menopause and the chances of actually getting pregnant very slim, but it’s happened and I think it’s just getting my head round it I guess. My other half is happy and so am I, problem is I always worry what others will think. xx

I don’t think it’s completely out of the ordinary and know of a couple of instances of this happening. My mum had her last son (my younger brother) and her first grandchild (my eldest brothers son) within a year. It made us giggle when they were growing up and one would be calling to mum in the park and the other to nanny but both want the same person. They are in their twenties now and I would say grew up more like cousins, and are really close.

“you’ve had your time, it our time now, maybe your a bit too old”

This is very rude of your daughter.

And to say, it's "her time now"...you had children as a teenager, she's also statistically much younger than average to be having children (average age of a first time parent is now heading towards 35, after years of being 30/31). It's "your time" as long as your body says it's time. Also, if you don't plan on having any more, you need to sort out contraception...if you're having periods you can get pregnant at any point until your periods stop. Pregnancy at 41 really isn't all that rare.

I think your daughter’s comment is fair to be honest, you entering the tiny baby years again at the same time as they are with their own children does change the dynamic. My mum has been my rock since having my daughter, from sitting with her so I could have a couple hours sleep, looking after her so I can rest/have a break, helping me with batch cooking, she did my injections for me post-birth, showered me etc, I needed my mum arguably more than ever when I became a mum myself, I remember when my baby was newborn I was desperate for my mum to just move in with us because I felt so much more comfortable with her by my side. My mum having her own tiny baby to look after would have completely changed that, she wouldn’t have been able to dedicate as much time & attention, and I wouldn’t have felt I could lean on her for support if she was also in the thick of it herself.

You should make the choices you are happy with but I do think your daughter isn’t wrong to feel the way she does.

I have a friend whose aunt is just a few months older.
They are the best of friends and went to school together.

So you will be nearly 60 when your child is doing GCSEs?

This is very rude of your daughter.

I don't think it's rude, and I suspect a lot of people would feel the same, even if they might not say it out loud.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Of course it’s going to be strange for your eldest child, whose sibling will be younger than their child. Their child will have an auntie/uncle that is younger than them. Your eldest probably just feels that it isn’t the natural order of things.

Your eldest might also be struggling with you transitioning from being “grandma” to “mother” again, and might have concerns about what this will mean for your relationship with her children. Do you help out with childcare? Will you be too busy with your baby to be an active grandparent to her children? These questions are hypothetical and none of them are reasons that you shouldn’t have a baby. I’m just offering a perspective of what your eldest might be worrying about. Perhaps they could do with some reassurance.

Ultimately they’ll get over it and I’m sure they’ll be thrilled! It might just take a little adjustment. Best wishes for your pregnancy 💐

I do think it’s a bit strange but 41 isn’t too old to have a baby. I guess what would stop me would be the big age gap between your current child and a new one, and would you want to go through the baby stage all over again. Also you have grandchildren now, so it d want to put all my focus on those and be a fantastic grandma, without having the focus of your own baby.

I'm from a blended generation family. There's over 10 years between my nan and her siblings so my dad has cousins that are my age. There's 21 years between my dad and his youngest sibling as my nan had a surprise pregnancy in her 40s. This sibling is 2 years younger than my sister and 5 years older than me.
She was more like a cousin to me. My dad's auntie was more of an auntie to me and not so much of a great aunt. His cousins felt like my cousins. It worked out ok.