Early pregnancy and can't convince myself it's going to be ok

[PlateSpinner23]

I'm about 5 weeks today, first tested positive a week ago. I know it's early days, but I keep finding myself absolutely convinced this isn't real, despite daily tests getting darker and darker. I've no symptoms yet, apart from slightly sore bo0bs. I'm cautious because of two concurrent losses in 2023, one at 4.5 weeks (chemical) and a mmc at 8-10 weeks. I know this pregnancy is real in as much as I'm testing positive right now, but I somehow just can't conceive of how it's going to turn out OK. I'm 40 and have PCOS.

Can anyone calm or reassure me? Xx

Hello I am 6+4 after 4 early miscarriages. I wish it got easier but it doesn’t. Every time I think it will be different and get hopes up and then the inevitable happens. No words of advice here but just wanted you to know you are not alone. Xxx

Would a digital with word pregnant make it more clear? I remember struggling in the beginning though I knew I was pregnant but as I didn’t have any symptoms and had previously miscarried I had these thoughts that maybe I wasn’t even pregnant or something would go wrong again. I paid for an early scan at 8w to see what’s going on and it helped me a lot to calm down.

It doesn't get easier. But what does help a bit is saying to yourself that as far as you know, with the information available, everything is ok right now. Tomorrow might be different, but right now it's ok. And then just one day at a time.

Thanks, ladies. Not sure about getting a reassurance scan for this one - it was at a private 8 week scan that we found out last time that baby had stopped growing at 6.5 weeks and there was no heartbeat. But we'll see... It's just one day at a time, isn't it... 🫤

I've been where you are more than once, and I really feel for you. The only answer, I'm afraid, is to force yourself to focus on today, and to focus on your joy about this pregnancy. Remind yourself that none of us are promised tomorrow, but today you are fine, your pregnancy is fine and very day that passes makes a successful outcome more likely.
From experience, the easiest losses I had were the ones where I made sure I took the time to enjoy the (often brief) pregnancies. I truly hope that this pregnancy ends with the live birth of a healthy baby for you. It's so hard, but you can do it.

I struggled with this in the early days of my first pregnancy too, having experienced infertility prior to conceiving. Made worse by it being lockdown so lots of time to dwell on it! I decided to just tell myself "I'm pregnant today" and focus on enjoying each moment of it. It's normal to try and protect yourself by preparing mentally for worst case scenarios, but I came to realise that even if the worst did happen, having told myself it would happen wouldn't actually help at all. (If that makes any sense?) Wishing you lots of luck!

Yes I’ve been there. It’s really really hard. I don’t know what got me through the first few days/weeks of pregnancy other than basically focusing on other things until the next milestone. My job was a great source of distraction. Like others have said, just take it a day at a time until it will basically become undeniable that there is a healthy baby inside there. Good luck and whispered congratulations 💐

I felt like this as well. But then I told myself it wouldn’t make a difference to the outcome of the pregnancy if I tried to enjoy it, so I did try. And then just took it one day at a time. Best of luck x

I’ve been there with the MMC at a private scan and there’s no way I would want to go through that again. The ÉPU will usually scan you if you’ve had a prior miscarriage, you just need a referral from your GP or midwife. Obviously you can miscarry at any point, but once you’ve seen a heartbeat at 8 weeks the chances are good.

wishing you lots of luck.

I understand how you feel - It’s tough after a MMC. I’m almost 12 weeks and I’m so anxious for my next scan and find it odd when medical staff congratulate me because it feels far too soon to be celebrating.

What has helped me a bit is reminding myself that there is nothing that I can do; I just need to wait and see. Feeling anxious isn’t going to help, and a positive outcome is much more likely, even after multiple losses.

I also limit how much time I spend on pregnancy forums because I find hearing lots of negative outcomes makes me feel like a positive outcome isn’t possible.

Wishing you all the best.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m still struggling with these kind of thoughts but less so even much later on. My advice is just to take it day by day and keep busy. Don’t feel any pressure to tell family/friends till you are ready. Once you get a bit further, some private scans might provide some reassurance. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy x

I totally feel you. I lost my first pregnancy to a MMC, had no idea and found out at the 12 week scan. I've since had 2 successful pregnancies and am currently pregnant again, and it's still an incredibly anxious time. I just keep telling myself that, as far as I know, everything is fine. Take it day by day x

I understand completely. I had 2 miscarriages after my first successful pregnancy and when I got pregnant again I was in a state of utter anxiety until about week 10. I had a lot of private scans because I was seeing a specialist through my work health insurance, but honestly it only made me feel better for about 48 hours and then I was back to worrying again. That baby is asleep in my arms right now, so for us, it was worth the worry in the end.

If you would like a reassurance scan, it’s worth checking whether your local EPU does private out of hours scans. Ours did them one evening a week, which was so great. You had to pay, but if anything was wrong you’d be right into the nhs system so not like going to one of these high street places.

That's great advice, thank you. Got my date-stealing test this morning (19dpo, I think) so probably need to stop testing now and just believe I am pregnant!