No one pleased about pregnancy

[hyd]

This is my 3rd pregnancy.

My 2nd one was pretty horrific. I developed epilepsy and had extreme exhaustion for the last few months. I recall feeling like I was going to drop dead in the pregnancy and for the first year after Daughter was born.

I wanted a 3rd as I didn’t feel ‘done’. Now pregnant with 3rd and my epilepsy has flared up again. Not convulsive fits, but awareness seizures. Trying to get it under control atm.

Hardly anyone has been pleased for me. Family are all (understandably) worried. I just feel like everyone thinks I’ve made a huge mistake and no one’s happy for me. I feel like they’re all probably right and I should have known better than to think my body was strong enough to handle this again. My youngest is 5 so I thought I could handle a pregnancy again.

Not sure what responses I’m hoping for, but it just feels shit :/. Feels like everyone is disappointed.

I'm not in the same boat as you, but I do feel as though the few family members who know about my pregnancy, arent thrilled.
Im the wrong side of 40 but luckily fell pregnant with my 2nd despute struggling for years to conceive my 1st.
My 1st pregnancy was pretty grim. I had HG from start to finish, carpal tunnel, PGP, back issues and then pre-eclampsia which ended up with an emergency induction, haemorrhage, retained products and all sorts of drama.
Was told I would be silly to go through that drama again. But here we are.
Family are apparently 'shocked and concerned'. Also feel my age is a huge issue and generally dont seem best pleased.
I havent told all the family yet, nor half of my friends because im now worried about how they will react.
Its a time where you should be pleased, not feeling unsupported.
I wish you the best for your pregnancy and I hope you can get your seizures under control soon.

You have put your ‘wants’ over your safety and the fact that you are now responsible for two living young children who need you and need you healthy. By getting pregnant you have put your health at risk. How can you be a good mother to them if you have a fit at the wheel your car (if you drive) or while crossing a road? You now require a lot of additional care from others. What if you have another year feeling like crap when this baby is born too? With two others also in the equation?
Can’t you see why they aren’t happy? It’s selfish!

@QuickPeachPoetAppreciate it is somewhat selfish, although as I hadn’t had a seizure in 4 years, I assumed that perhaps the problem had been resolved. Had I known this would start up again, I obviously wouldn’t have gotten pregnant.

I understand everyone’s worries, but would be nice if they could pretend they’re happy.

@QuickPeachPoet Don’t be so nasty, for goodness sake.

@hyd, congratulations!
I hope you manage to get your seizures under control. As I’m sure you know, stress, hormones and lack of sleep are big triggers. You can’t control the hormones, but do your best to minimise stress and max sleep. I’m wishing you the very best with this one.

@JungleRun21 Congrats and the best of luck to you also. Don’t mind them.

Hi @hyd can you afford a nanny? You’re going to have to sit down with your partner and list out all the things you will need to adjust eg no driving help with this or that and then just respond to family or friends to say all ok! We have organised the support we need! And then enjoy your family. It’s nobody’s business so long as you and your partner are comfortable that you have put in place everything you need to ensure the children are all safe in your care

@JungleRun21oh wow, your first pregnancy sounds hard!! It’s so shit when you just want a couple of people to say ‘congratulations’ rather than just telling you they’re worried and seeming unimpressed.

Good luck in this pregnancy & congratulations!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope this one goes better than the last. How far along are you?

People in your life are understandably worried about you, your children and your baby. @QuickPeachPoet used some blunt language but probably summarised the issues at hand quite well.

It doesn't seem like the best decision for you and your children so that's probably why your family is worried and they also may be concerned if they'll need to give you extra support as well.

Congratulations!

Do you have a spouse/partner? Do you have support from that person?
I assume that you and your spouse/partner have agreed on the best way forward for your family, a good plan for all of you, and that's what is most important.

I wish you and your family all the best, health and happiness for all of you!

There does feel, to me at least, a difference between wanting a first pregnancy, before children, and wanting subsequent pregnancies after you have children. You now have people who rely on you and who you need to keep safe. Unfortunately it does seem that your family's worries come from a very real place. Would you really prefer them to pretend they weren't concerned? I'm afraid that you'll have to learn how to deal with their judgement here - you can't make them think its a good idea!

It’s really hard watching anyone you care about feeling ill.
Then add on concern for not one but two infants who won’t understand why you are so poorly. I wish you well with your pregnancy OP, but it’s an odd decision. Your responsibilities surely lay with your existing children, not to be damaging your own health further. I can understand why the people who care for you and your children are worried. But it’s done now, so you will just have to grow a thicker skin and hope it all turns out okay.

I don't know that them 'pretending' would be very convincing or mean much. You know how they feel and you understand it because it's very understandable. This isn't like the first time or even the second. There's often not much fuss over a third anyway and in this situation there's much more worry and fear. You must have weighed that up against your wants and decided your wants won out, so you're getting what you want with the baby. You can't make everyone else play at being happy about it just because you want that too. The main thing is looking after yourself and your DC and hopefully getting some help in place so you're not putting yourself and everyone else through the wringer with this one. Good luck with it all and sure they'll be happier when the baby is here and you're well.