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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I need help!!

17 replies

KindOtter · 02/04/2025 23:31

Hey!! So basically I’m in a bit of a pickle and not sure what to do ethically. I have a son who’s nearly 1 and his father left me when my son was a month old. Things got a bit complicated between us and well I’m pregnant by him again!
ive been unsure what to do, should I continue with the pregnancy or not? Because I am just about scraping by financially, my bd doesn’t help at all and I was worried about raising a newborn and toddler all by myself however I’ve decided to continue with the pregnancy because it’s a blessing.
me and my bd are not on good terms at all, I finally said enough was enough and tried to keep things strictly about our son (this was before I knew I was pregnant) but we was just being spiteful towards each other and I couldn’t do it anymore I also don’t trust the type of people he chooses to associate with which causes concern when he has our son. I decided to take legal action (which is still currently ongoing) to get things done properly and make everything clear, as soon as I done that he’s disappeared, out of my sons life.
(ever since my son was born his father has been inconsistent with seeing him.)
I found out I was pregnant shortly after that and now I don’t know if telling him would be the right thing to do?
p.s. the relationship me and my bd had was very toxic and I no longer wanted contact with him that’s why I decided legal action was needed.

OP posts:
Where2GoNext · 02/04/2025 23:35

You say "ive been unsure what to do, should I continue with the pregnancy or not?" And then "I’ve decided to continue with the pregnancy because it’s a blessing" despite listing reasons it's probs really not a good idea to continue with the pregnancy.

Original poster
KindOtter · 02/04/2025 23:40

ive been going over and over the thought and feeling of ending the pregnancy and I just don’t know if I could go through with it

OP posts:
SalfordQuays · 03/04/2025 00:14

I would have a termination, sort out contraception, and stop having sex with such a loser.

Original poster
KindOtter · 03/04/2025 08:03

I have stopped having sex with him, I don’t have any contact with him anymore

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 03/04/2025 08:06

It’s entirely up to you, of course, but I think if I were in your situation, I’d put the wellbeing of my existing child first, and have a termination.

Original poster
KindOtter · 03/04/2025 08:19

how do you cope with having a termination? The thoughts and feelings running through me about doing that are nauseating

OP posts:
Lulu89x · 03/04/2025 14:30

Hi. How far along are you?

You need to decide what you could live with/tolerate better.

Being tied to this absolute loser, (even further than you already are) experience even more financial difficulty and no support from the father OR the emotional / ethical turmoil of terminating the pregnancy?

Nobody can make this decision for you and we are all different.

I personally could never have a termination.

You need to do what is best for YOU and you only, nobody else.

Good luck.

Original poster
KindOtter · 03/04/2025 14:41

Hi, I’m 7 weeks.
I honestly don’t know what I could live with now. I always thought and felt I could never have a termination but now I’m in this situation I don’t know if I could or not.

OP posts:
Lulu89x · 03/04/2025 14:52

Honestly, in your situation, a termination would sound like the better option.

devildeepbluesea · 03/04/2025 14:55

I wouldn’t hesitate to have a termination. They are not fun but in a situation like yours there is only a worst and a least worst option. The least worst would be to terminate and prioritise the existing child.

Original poster
KindOtter · 03/04/2025 14:58

Thank you.

OP posts:
WaterMonkey · 03/04/2025 15:03

It doesn’t sound as though he’s showing up much for the existing child. You will be raising two children alone. That’s bloody hard, and your kids are going to be disadvantaged by those difficult circumstances no matter how hard you work. I can fully appreciate your apprehension about terminating, but the alternative seems far more dire to me. Have you sorted out contraception? You really don’t need to be in this unwinnable situation again.

Meadowfinch · 03/04/2025 15:04

Same advice from me. A termination may be tough but it means you and your existing child will have a much better life. You will be able to work and afford childcare.

You will not face a life on benefits which, being realistic, is what life will be if you have two small children and no income. You will be able to give your existing child so much more.

MyPinkFish · 03/04/2025 15:22

I would also terminate in this situation x

Hoppinggreen · 03/04/2025 15:24

Your body your choice but in your shoes I would terminate, sort out contraception and not shag my toxic ex

Isawthesigns · 03/04/2025 15:25

I would keep the baby and not tell him it’s his.

Hoppinggreen · 03/04/2025 15:25

KindOtter · 03/04/2025 08:19

how do you cope with having a termination? The thoughts and feelings running through me about doing that are nauseating

You focus on the child you have, as parents we often have to do hard things to make their lives easier

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