Why am I scared about having a boy?

[Firsttimehereandwantinghelp]

I am currently 6 months pregnant with my first child. When I was younger, I wanted a boy because I was a bit of a tomboy but when I grew up, I liked the idea of having a girl. I only wanted one child for different reasons.

Me and my ex broke up not too long after I found out I was pregnant. He thought about it and said he didn't want children in his future. He doesn't want any involvement.

I always said I didn't mind what I had as long as it was healthy. I found out the gender awhile back and when I was told I was having a boy, I felt different about my pregnancy (not sure if depressed is the right word for it).

I tried thinking positively about it and thought of different things like 'I won't have to worry about teaching a daughter how to do makeup' 'I don't have to buy girly clothes' etc. I have thought of things I can do with a son.

Quite regularly I have co-workers and friends tell me about awful things they hear about men on the News (and I know women can also be just as bad) and I keep thinking 'What if my son turns out that why?' and I get worried. I have these thoughts daily.

I know friends (either in relationships or single) who have fantastic sons. I know some terrific men and women so I know both genders can be good. I make sure I am healthy for the baby and keep up to date with any health changes, appointments and more.

I have thought of boy names and bought boy clothing. I have tried talking to my bump, tapped whenever I feel movement to feel a connection, but I don't really feel anything. I have had a few miscarrying scares and I get emotional thinking the worse and when I get told that everything is fine, I feel relieved that the baby is OK.

My dad died when I was 7 years old. I have no memories of him and my mum wasn't the best role model (I haven't spoken to her in several years). I have no other family members so I don't have any experience with growing up with male role models.

I know people can be disappointed when they don't get the gender they wanted for their baby and they usually get over these feelings, but I don't know if it's just that or something else.

People ask me what I am having and when I say I'm having a boy, they congratulate me and ask if I'm excited and I lie and say that I am.

I haven't voiced this feelings to anyone because I don't know how or why I feel this way.

Im sorry you feel this way. My little boy is 2 years old and he really is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He is so loyal and loving and has the kindest heart and personality. When I was pregnant I didn’t know what I was having and I actually think that made it hard to connect to him when he was born. In my head I secretly wanted a girl and had a pang of disappointment when he was born. But regardless of whether they are a boy or girl they all have their own unique personalities. So yes he’s a boy but actually what I love about him is the person he is becoming and his special unique character. X

It’s going to be OK, OP. Have faith that when you have your baby, the overwhelming thing will be that he is your baby - the fact that he is a boy will be neither here nor there.

It is really normal to worry about all the things that might turn out to be terrible about our kids! (Or is that just me?) I think it’s because it is all uncertain and unknown. Then on the whole they turn out ordinary and unique at the same time. Great and also incredibly annoying.

Big hugs to you.

I felt a bit like that when I was pregnant and found out I was having a boy. I don’t have brothers and it felt like more of a scary unknown to the whole scary unknown of becoming a mother. I think focus on the fact you’re having a baby because girl babies and boy babies are pretty similar - except boys can wee directly at you when you change their nappies if you aren’t careful (put a wipe over their willy). When they’re actually here you will be caring for them as a small person and you bond with them and their sex is just part of that and you love them as they are so it’s not a problem.
I have three enormous boys now and they are all lovely in different ways - but they’re being boys hasn’t been a problem.

I felt that way with my first @Firsttimehereandwantinghelp literally until he was born. He's the best thing ever, and when pregnant with my second, I did kind of want another boy because my first was so fantastic. I wanted another one of him. You sound well balanced, it'll be a non issue when he arrives.

Also boy poop nappy changes are easier (less crevices to thoroughly clean). Do not underestimate just where that shit can get on a girl!

I'm currently 6 months pregnant with a girl but have similar worries to you. I wonder if it's the fact your life is about to change forever in a dramatic way that triggers these thoughts, and not necessarily that you're having a boy or a girl.

My thoughts go from "I'm going to have to style her hair every day for school" to "what if she comes home pregnant at 16?" But I do think it's just the sudden, daunting realisation that you're about to be in charge of another little human being.

For what it's worth, I have 3 nephews that I adore. They are sweet, sensitive, caring and I would die for them. I hoped if I had a boy it would be like them. I'm sure once your baby boy is here you will not be able to imagine your life without him and he will be the best boy you could have ever hoped for.

I don't know if this'll help OP because my son has just graduated so this was a long time ago, but I was completely thrown when we found out we were expecting a boy. I don't know why but I'd always pictured myself with daughters.

I remember saying to my midwife that I knew nothing about little boys or trains or football, she replied that all I had to do was love him, guide him in how to be a decent man and it would all click into place. Never has anyone been so right.

From the moment he arrived in the world I was utterly smitten and to be honest still am. I have daughters also and love them to bits too, but the relationship I have with DS is different. I can't articulate in what way, but I will be forever grateful that I didn't get to pick the sex of my babies because if I had then I'd have missed out on the most fantastic person.

It's the unknown that I imagine you're a bit scared of. Little boys are portrayed as a bit thuggish sometimes, but mine never really was. He's always been sporty so burned off his energy like that. He's funny, bright, still loves a mum hug - it's genuinely been a privilege to raise him.

Ignore those pesky hormones, I've no doubt you'll be as besotted from the get go, but if not in time you'll be standing by a football pitch bursting with pride wondering how you ever lived without him. Wishing you lots of luck.

I was you a year ago. When we came out of the scan my partner noticed that I wasn’t too happy about the gender - I felt so bad for feeling that way but I’ve grown up with females and like you, my lack of reference for boys was probably what freaked me out a little. I already have a daughter and I remember being so excited to have a girl.

As everyone else have said, when they arrive, you just see the human that they are - it’s not about their gender. There are loads of positive mums with boys, stories that helped me - and I realised that whether I had a boy or girl, I would love them regardless.

There’s so much negativity around about boys atm.

Personally, no idea why.

Our surprise son (were told we’d have no more after our fabulous daughter) was born nearly 9 years later and has been a complete joy. 22 now, he’s a really, really good and gentle person.

Your son’s future is in your hands. I still your values and protect him from the worst excesses of SM (which will likely be banned until he’s at least 16).

You made him. Love and appreciate him and all will very more than likely be well.

Honestly having the boy is the best thing. They are so much fun, so cuddly, so sweet and you'll never be bored. You don't need to be into boy stuff to have an amazing relationship with your son, it will be wonderful. Trust me 🤗

Oh listen, sweetheart, when they place that little baby in your arms for the first time, you will experience a rush of love like you have never felt in your life before! It won't matter whether it's a boy or a girl.

And curse your rotten useless ex - what a scumbag!! But you don't need him. Oe day he may regret being the coward that he is.

I had two girls after years of infertility and while I wouldn't have cared what I was having because I was just so grateful and happy to be having a baby, if you had asked me my preference, I would have said a girl. My DC3 after two miscarriages turned out to be a boy. I was worried about having a boy after two girls, but you know what, it all fell into place.

I was afraid that he would wee on me, but I placed a wipe on his willy at every nappy change and I survived lol.

Little boys can be extremely loving and protective of their mums. Best wishes x

It's heartbreaking that you feel this way but I feel more sorry for your son.

I know someone who was absolutely devastated at having a boy, she already had two girls and said she always wanted three. They’re all adults now, and she has never accepted the fact that she has a son, she won’t even tell people she has one. It’s heartbreaking to think of that.

She’s even gone as far as saying she feels sorry for anyone else with a boy, as they’re not “proper mothers” I know, how do you deal with someone like that?

OP, Don’t worry, as soon as you have your lovely baby in your arms that rush of love will be wonderful, and you’ll forget you ever felt sad about having a son!

I didn't really bond with my kids till they were born. I was just worried. I have a 4yo boy and 2yo girl and I'm obsessed with how sweet and silly they both are. I can't predict who they'll be when they're older so I try and just appreciate how great they are now.

When I found out my first was a boy I felt similarly to how you feel. I’d always imagined having a girl so just didn’t feel prepared for a boy and was worried about how to raise him to be a good man. But, once he arrived it just felt right that he’s a boy.
I’m now pregnant again with another boy and had a pang of disappointment that I wouldn’t have a girl. It’s ok to feel like that. We build up an idea of what our life with our child will be like so when we’re told it’s a boy not a girl then it can take a moment to adjust our expectations of the future. Lots of people want one gender and have the other and deal with those feelings.
It’s also normal to not really feel connected at this stage. You don’t know who this little person is yet. Once he’s born you’ll find that he becomes your little best friend.
You seem to know what kind of person you don’t want him to become - so now think about who you do want him to be. Kind, caring, adventurous? Then you can work out how to instil those qualities into him.
You’ll have a great time with him and become a great little team together.

I have 2 children and never found myself feeling particularly connected to them during pregnancy. First pregnancy we didn't find out the gender so thought maybe it was a bit of the unknown. Second time we found out and I still didn't feel any more connected. When they were born I did immediately love both of them but didn't get the overwhelming feeling of love that people talk about. Every single day my love for those kids grows and grows! I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't necessarily think you are experiencing gender disappointment. You are entering into the unknown, even though you know the gender there is still a lot you dont know. The love and connection with them will come when they are here. Don't worry about it! Best of Luck.

I was ecstatic to have a boy. I grew up in a very female environment and it wasn't nice. He's fab.

I completely empathise - I really wanted a girl, (as pp said, it’s what I imagined my future life to look like) and was sad to find out i was having a boy, although my overriding emotion was relief everything was ok at the scan (previously had had a miscarriage).

It took a while (few weeks post birth) to properly bond I think, but honestly when I did the love was overwhelming. I became a ‘boy mum’ and despite the bad press boys get, I didn’t realise how loving boys are - and uncomplicated! I have 2 boys in their teens now, they are affectionate, kind and funny - definitely a few ‘Kevin the teenager’ moments - but overall it’s been a smooth ride.

People might tell you that 98% of violent offenders are men (or something like that) and point out all the evil men in the world, but the fact is that the vast majority of men are perfectly decent human beings.
My son is the light of my life. He's 12 now but still likes to snuggle up with me. I'm still his favourite person in the world. He's clever and funny and great company. I like the fact boys tend to go through puberty later than girls so you get a couple of extra years of them being children before hormones kick in. Once you stop focusing on his sex and see him as a unique little person you will love him for who he is.

I was the opposite of you. I desperately wanted a boy and was worried how I would feel if I had a girl. Looking back it feels a bit strange now as I’m sure I’d have been delighted either way but I do understand your thoughts.

Whatever the outcome you’ll soon adapt to the situation and any potential alternative outcome is soon forgotten. Boy or girl you’ll have a great time with them.

It’s ok, there are no wrong feelings.
i didn’t have a connection with my son during pregnancy, I couldn’t feel him move and I was busy with my first. His birth was dramatic which didn’t help that immediate bond but it honestly didn’t take long for him to completely overwhelm me with love, you’ll build your relationship in time. Your experiences with your ex and your father might impact your feelings and your desire to have a different relationship with your child than you did with your mum might also be important here.

Place less expectations on yourself and take things day by day

My boy runs up to cuddle people who are upset
this is your hormones talking
when you have him in your arms all will be well

you are his mum and can make him kind and respectful, that’s literally your job and you totally will be about to do that

I’ve worked ( failed) with parents who actually want gangsters and hard nuts for kids , unless your role model is Peggy mitchell you will have a loving and kind boy