Disgusted with myself

[ZippyBlueViper]

23 weeks pregnant with my third child.
Had hg with all my pregnancies including this one. This time kind of got hg under control with xonvea tablets. Only sick around 3 times a day.
With my first 2 i didn't put much weight on. This time I'm only 23 weeks and already gone from 58kg at start to 82kg at 23 weeks 😭😭 the problem is if I'm not constantly eating i feel horrendously sick.
I'm so disgusted with myself. I look in the mirror and just cry. I look like a horrible fat mess.
To make matters worse i know it's not just in my head because so many people keep telling me how fat I've got. Couple of mums on the school run, my sister, couple of friends, everyone is like wow you're massive already, you've got so big.
My face is bloated. I feel like utter shit. I work a manual job so I'm very active, I've started going swimming everyday as well in an effort to get it under control but i can't stop eating.
My other half hasn't so much as touched or even cuddled me for months.
I just feel like a big fat disgusting mess.
Oh made a joke about me being fat last night and i actually went and sat in bathroom and cried.
I said to him please don't make fat jokes because I'm feeling very sensitive about things at the minute and his response was grow up you're pregnant you're obviously going to be fat.
What the hell can i do to get this under control? I hate feeling like this huge ugly fat mess 😭

Your OH is an insensitive arse to make jokes about you being fat.
You are growing a baby. Plus you have a medical condition of HG.
Please be kind to yourself.
Tell your OH you need kindness and he can sleep on the sofa if he isn’t willing to provide it.
Do something nice for yourself today - flowers, nail varnish, a chat with a friend.
I hope he isn’t always this awful to you.

The problem isn’t you, it’s all these vile rude people in your life commenting on your body. Your OH should immediately apologise and not make anymore ‘jokes’ on something he knows you are sensitive about. Can’t believe his response was to tell you to grow up. I really hope that’s a one off and not an insight into his normal character.
Keep active and healthy to make yourself feel good, but don’t worry about what’s going on in the mirror or on the scales. I’m on my third pregnancy as well and my body is also changing much faster than it did with my first 2, that’s normal! It’s hard to deal with at times but I imagine it’s much harder when you’ve got twats in your life pointing it out to you! Honestly, who the fuck are these people that think it’s ok?!

Stop being so horrible to yourself. You aren't disgusting, you're keeping yourself and your baby well. If your 'friends' mention your weight tell them to stop being rude and inappropriate. I think your oh owes you a bunch of flowers and a hug.

Thank you for your kind comments! Made me cry even more 🤦🏼‍♀️😭 i don't know why people are saying it, probably because i am so massive. I'm so scared about how big I'm going to be when I've gained so much at 23 weeks.
Oh has only had sex with me twice since conception and both times he'd been out with his mates and was extremely drunk. We normally have sex 3 to 4 times a week.
He has every excuse under the sun, headache back ache tired etc i know it's because i look so disgusting. He doesn't even cuddle me anymore i think because he's worried that a cuddle might lead to me trying to have sex with him 😭
I know it's so pathetic to be so worried about weight and appearance and I'm not normally a vain person. And i know i should just be grateful that so far baby is healthy. But i don't recognise myself and just can't seem to stop eating. I just feel like a gross monster. And everyday I'm saying to myself you don't need to eat all that but then if i don't I'm so sick. It's just horrible ☹️

If it helps, I weigh the same as you do now and I'm not pregnant.

Your partner sounds very insensitive.

Could you have some healthy snacks too, would that help? I ate lots of veg and fruit, alongside my crisps and chips etc but I’m a snacker anyway.

It is what it is, you are growing a baby and have HG. You can lose the weight after.
Nobody should comment on your weight, it’s very rude.

Oh hey, me too! My last pregnancy I gained 35kg. This time I am strictly not weighing myself but I can see very clearly from my bloated face and swollen everything that I’m huge and probably going to end up in the same state.

However, it took me about 18 months but I did lose it all! And you will too.

same problem as you, if I’m not eating I’m sick and being sick is miserable. This is temporary, we’ll get through it.

My mum keeps asking me how much I weigh and I was at a party last week and looked over to see DH and two of his friends looking at me and talking. Went over to see what they were talking about and he joked “oh just talking about how fat you’ve gotten”. Jokes on him, he’s fat and he’s not even pregnant!!!

Eff them all. It’s so easy to be horrible to a pregnant woman over her weight, it’s such low hanging fruit.

Me too actually, and im only 13 weeks

You poor thing, everyone around you sounds disgusting. I can’t believe you’re being treated like that.
fwiw I haven’t weighed 58kg since I was about 12.
I think you need to try and let it go, you’re keeping yourself from feeling sick and your body is growing a whole human, that’s positive be proud of that, try pick healthy or healthier snacks where possible if you’re going to eat often and forget the rest. Try get some in person support if you can, dp and the women around you seem awful and I’m really sorry you’re being made to feel like this. I think it says more about them than you.

All your replies are definitely helping thank you so much.
When i spoke to one of my friends about it she said "it's not that your fat fat it's just you're a lot fatter than you normally are so it's just a shock for us all to see you looking so much bigger than normal if that makes sense"
To me that all that translates as is yeah you're fat??
I've tried healthy snacks like nuts and boiled eggs to try get high protein and keep me from being hungry but the only things that seem to help me from not being sick is heavy carb stuff like bread crisps etc, beige food basically.
One of my friends is lovely and said to me if she didn't know i was pregnant she wouldn't have guessed and to start calling people out on their comments. She's just being kind it's very obvious. But i appreciate her kindness.
I don't want to call people out on their comments because i feel like what they're saying is true. I've gained loads and I'm bloated and look terrible so how can i have a go at them for speaking the truth.
So stupid but i just want my other half to make me feel beautiful and to just make me feel wanted and nice but i know it's up to myself to love myself and i just don't at all atm ☹️

It might be the saliva production/movement (sorry probably made you feel sick with this!) that stopes you feeling ill but beige foods don’t gross you out. So maybe something more tiny snackable - like cut up a tonne of toast and have it in mini bites over a period of time like bread crisps.

otherwise just do what you got to do to get through. I know you feel awful and your husband is being a thoughtless prick. But he’s right (still a prick) you’re going to be a fat mess when you’re sick and pregnant. Just make the best of it if you can afford some dresses or whatever and put some make up on but generally acceptance is key. Just a temporary phase.

Honestly, tell these people to go F themselves. You’re growing a baby, that sends everyone’s body through a loop. However you look and feel now things Will get back to more normal after the baby, just try and focus on this being temporary, that you will manage post baby. For now it’s just getting through a pregnancy.

If anybody told me I'd gotten fat while pregnant I'd tell them to fuck off. I have gained a lot of weight this time round but I'll loose it again after. Its not the end of the world but I certainly wouldn't tolerate anybody commenting on my weight.

Jesus I’m a bit mad at the comments from everyone around you. I’m fuming infact. I’ve not been pregnant but my bestie was very swollen when she was - her legs, face, arms etc had swollen very early on and her bump was bigger than she had expected. Everyone thought she was further along than she was. She kept making comments about being fat and towards the end of her pregnancy was out of breath easy and she kept saying ‘see? I’m so out of breath because I’m so fat and huge’ and it pained me so much! I kept telling her that breathlessness occurs because lung capacity increases in the early stages and in later stages it’s because your lungs don’t have the same space to fill with air because all your organs are squished up into your diaphragm and she just wasn’t hearing me.

When you’re pregnant you retain fluid and the blood volume in your body increases. That alongside the placenta and amniotic fluid, not to mention the baby, will increase your weight on a scale. Your body also clings on to fats from food - it sees some amazing fat and it thinks great, let’s store that here just incase we have a food shortage due to sickness or something once baby is born, because this way we have retained fluid and retained fat so we have enough supply to make sure baby doesn’t go hungry. Is that not absolutely amazing?

I am so sorry that you are surrounded by people that think it is okay to comment on your body. And even if you have asked for some of the commentary (as it sounds like you asked your friends opinion), the response should be delivered with kindness and not in the manner that it was. Your body is doing something absolutely amazing, something that my body can’t do, and you should be so proud of it. I always thought I would struggle with gaining weight when I’m pregnant and I’m ashamed to say I actually googled ‘why do people look so fat when pregnant’ once, but that led to me finding out all that information above and now I just look at it with awe. The ‘fat’ on your body isn’t something that you should look at with disgust, it’s something you should look at with awe and wonder. How amazing is your body for being able to plan ahead for what your baby needs when it is born.

It sounds like your response to this is somewhat impacted by those around you but also perhaps driven somewhat by the impact of pregnancy itself. Perhaps hormones and feeling a bit vulnerable and out of control. But it’s a temporary experience that has a definite end point, in the birth of your baby. There will be plenty of time then to think more about healthy snacks and exercising. For the moment I think you should focus more on being kind to yourself and on your mental health and just give your body what is is asking for rather than punishing it.

lots of love to you and your little one.

So stupid but i just want my other half to make me feel beautiful and to just make me feel wanted and nice

He needs a good slap around the chops!!

You're currently carrying his baby (something he can't do!!) and he should be making you feel amazing!!

personally, I think you just need to eat what you need to eat to stop yourself feeling sick! However, I would try to limit it to what you actually need to stop feeling sick rather than using it as an excuse to eat all those lovely carbs!! my worry wouldn't be your weight as such it would be eating so many carbs you end up with gestational diabetes.

I think possibly you're being (understandably) very sensitive to some of the comments and not accepting what your friends are telling you, they probably think you look lovely with a bit of extra weight on carrying a baby...

you're growing a whole new person, who will be here in a few weeks & if you breastfeed will help you lose the excess weight and it will still be a lovely time to take the baby for walks!!

Try to stop worrying about the weight and enjoy being pregnant with a new baby to look forward to 💕