There’s a lot more than I could ever write but I will narrow this down as much as I can. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, comfort or even just a vent.
im 17 weeks pregnant with my second child (mine and my partners first). We have been together for 3 years and he moved in to my house nearly 2 years ago. I feel very lonely and almost on my own as it is. My partner expects me to caress him and care for him 24.7 but when I ask for the same in return he tells me that i knew what he was and knew he wasn’t that type when I got with him. (I literally just asked for the same affection I give him in return a bit more often such as physical touch, back scratches more cuddles and everything he expects and isn’t happy when he doesn’t get, sounds petty I know. But he doesn’t do much of this and I feel like I need this more especially with me being pregnant). He does tell me he loves me etc, he reminds me I should appreciate him more as he’s took my son on and moved in with us and gave up a lot to be here. I pay all the bills even though he makes a bigger wage than me although he does cover food shops in return. I take care of everything around the house domestically. The only thing he does do is take the bins out. He rarely offers to cook or even does the dishes and when he does he expects me to really praise him to the heavens for it (even though I do it every other night and expect nothing in return).
he asked me to be more appreciative of him as he has took on my son and for ‘everything he does’. The problem is I don’t see it. Am I being selfish and self absorbed? I constantly feel like I am catering to him and not receiving the same in return. Some of his comments make me feel horrible, for instance, he asks me to put the tv on in a different room for him coming through. I forgot, he comes through and says to me in all seriousness ‘i only asked you to do one thing’. It makes me feel shitty. As if iv not already done a million things for our family on that day including just struggling being pregnant and a silly error such as forgetting something is a big deal. I’m struggling to keep up. But he sees that as a minor throw away comment, I just can’t/dont.
he told me when I fell pregnant that if we ever seperate that no one will take me seriously as I will have two kids to 2 different people, which makes me feel pretty shit.
on top of that, he constantly reminds me every day of how good looking he is (no idea weather he is just trying to joke around or not) but to some degree the constant reminders make me feel like I am almost below him.
we very rarely disagree because at this point he has made it clear that he is right and I am wrong no matter what the situation is and how I feel is invalidated. So instead I sit with a lot on my chest and then I’m accused of being ‘off with him’ or moody, probably because I’m allowing him to disrespect me with throwaway comments either given seriously or disguised as jokes because if I call him out there is more chance of us not speaking for a few days or him going back to his mums because he doesn’t like hearing what I have to say or me calling him out / disputing anything with him.
im emotionally drained. We have been house shopping recently and are looking into getting our first mortgage.
iv tried to my main points into this but I could write a book, I would be here all night. I am not perfect and don’t claim to be, I just don’t know what I expected because as he told me ‘you knew what I was when you met me’ and to some extent he was right. Although I did just think he put on a facade when we first met but unfortunately this is the reality of him.
I love my baby boy that I am pregnant with already so much and would never change that, I will do my very best as a parent and although I feel guilty saying it, but I don’t know if a part of me actually regrets this pregnancy with my partner.
im scared of what the outcome will be if I do leave him, how I will cope etc. although I am struggling to go on like this and I can’t see anything changing as communicating with him about how I feel or things he could improve just isn’t an option. I’m terrified of having to go through this on my own (although it feels like I am anyway) and hearing of him away meeting others , partying and continuing with life as normal whilst I make all these huge adjustments and sacrifices for our child.
im drained, im tired. And if you have got this far thank you so much for reading. I don’t know what I’m looking for but it feels so much better to actually get it all out.
thank you.