This is my first post here, sorry for the really long post. I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant after an early loss last year and almost a year of ttc. I had a friend of almost 10 years who had her first child around the time I had a loss. Though I was in a lot of pain I was very happy for her and tried to be there for her after childbirth. Anyhow, after telling her what happened she was sorry for me and wanted to talk immediately. We spoke and the call was miserable as it was all about her. I was grieving and she went on and on about her pregnancy, baby shower and advices me on foods to consume while ttc etc( when I didn’t really ask her opinion). All I wanted was a shoulder to cry and not advices though I knew she meant well. It hurt a lot. Anyhow after that call I cried a lot and wanted to distance myself from her or atleast not share much about what’s happening in my life but I always made sure to check in on her child from time to time but I was still hurting and grieving.
And during this time not once did my friend ask how I was coping( but did keep sending images s of her child) with everything but she knew I was grieving as I had mentioned to her myself that I wasn’t over it. This made me want to distance myself even more. After a few months out of no where my friend texts me saying she’s pregnant with her second child. This hit me like a truck. ( I was still ttc and grieving from my loss at this time). I understand that she wanted to share a happy news with me but I really felt she could’ve been a little more thoughtful and sensitive( when she texted me about her pregnancy she also attached a video of her child to which I replied very cute but honestly at that time it felt like I’d do anything to have that). Had she been texting me regularly and checking in on me and then shared this news I’d have taken it differently but not once she checked on how I was coping and boom sends me this text. Anyhow I congratulated her. Said that’s amazing news. But let me be honest I was still grieving and hurting so I couldn’t ask further details like when was she due etc. I distanced myself even more, she figured I was not the same and asked if everything was fine. I told her how I felt since she insisted I say.
She apologised but then proceeded to get angry at how I was not a good friend too and said what I told wasn’t right. Basically since she asked what’s wrong, I mentioned that I’m still grieving from the loss and as a friend I wanted her to be there for me which she didn’t and could’ve asked if I was in a headspace to talk anything baby/pregnancy related. She was basically pissed off that I didn’t celebrate her pregnancy as she thought I would. She blocked me everywhere but I still reached out to her on another platform and tried to make things right. I owed her an apology too which I did. But at this point I knew our friendship wasn’t gonna be the same as before. A couple months passed by and she insisted/forced me to talk to her on phone though I clearly mentioned that I was at rock bottom and didn’t want to talk about it now as it would trigger me. She was adamant and I finally called her. However again after the call I felt horrible. A week later I found out that I’m pregnant but definitely didn’t want to tell her. 3 months later she guessed I was pregnant by seeing a photo and congratulated me. I thanked her and asked how she was doing and how her pregnancy was. Tbh, I didn’t expect her to celebrate my pregnancy because if she wasn’t there for me during my tough times I didn’t want that friend to be there only during my ups.
Anyhow I asked her to take good care of herself and let me know when she delivers. Right after this she goes on to delete my contact from her phone. I’m appalled and confused. I could ask her what’s the matter but I really want to avoid any possible conflicts at this time. I know we have grown apart as friends and I can’t share things with her anymore like before. What confuses me is why would she delete my contact after finding out I’m pregnant when she’s pregnant herself.