Feeling sad for ‘rose tinted’ pregnancy

[OnlyYellowRoses]

Just looking for a bit of a hand hold please.
Currently 17 weeks pregnant with #5. I have 4 older children, children 1-3 share one dad, DD2 has a different dad.
This baby is with my husband of 6 years who doesn’t have any of his own yet.
Just for background.
So the other fathers when I was pregnant previously weren’t great partners for various reasons so I never had a ‘Hallmark’ pregnancy.
My current husband is the most perfect partner, kind, caring, affectionate etc. When we decided to try (took us two years) we miscarried twice so this baby came after we’d decided to stop trying from the New Year and make the most of what we had together in our life so the pregnancy blindsided me a little.
I’d been hoping for the kind of pregnancies you see on TV, glowing mum, excitement, baby shopping for prams together, sending him out for ice cream and pickles at 3am, you get the idea.
So far I’ve had HG, continual nausea, skin breakouts, I have a huge bump already (with number 5 it’s kind of expected I guess). I’ve been shattered all the time, gone completely off food and then in the last few weeks I’ve had a couple of bleeds (no cause found) so have been put on bed rest until consultant appointment this week.
This baby was so badly wanted but I feel like all the joy and excitement has just been completely overshadowed by worry, anxiety and generally a shitty time so far.
I’m so sad to know I’m probably sucking the fun out of it for him but he’s not said anything to indicate this. I know I’m being unrealistic and it’s my own fault for painting an unrealistic view of pregnancy but it’s just not what I’d pictured for us and it’s making me so disheartened and sad.
Our lovey friends keep sending us little gifts like hats and nappies but I don’t feel anything other than ‘meh’ when unwrapping them now. It’s just been awful since we found out, I feel so fat and unattractive all the time, I’ve got no energy to go out or even walk the dog, he’s been amazing and has completely taken over all housework / cooking when needed but I just feel so useless all the time.
I so desperately want to enjoy this pregnancy as I know this is the very last time I will ever go through this, please help me shake this sadness?

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time so far. Try not to write off the whole pregnancy yet though, you are still fairly early. I'm currently 37 weeks and I felt awful for the first 20 weeks - like you this is a much wanted baby and took a long time to get here and I felt really guilty for not enjoying pregnancy. I felt a bit better physically from about 20 weeks but certainly wasn't glowing and mentally was not feeling great, but once the third trimester hit I actually started feeling much better and am now really enjoying this pregnancy too. Take each day as it comes, sounds like you have a great partner. Hope the consultant appointment goes well and you're back on your feet soon.

Oh, OP ❤️ I hope things get easier for you. I'm a ftm (26 weeks) and feel the same way -- I'm so anxious, I just can't enjoy any of it. I feel a lot of pressure to have a Hallmark pregnancy, partly because we probably can't afford a second baby so I know that this is it. My husband is amazing and has wanted a baby for longer than I have, so I feel like I'm depriving him of the good bits.

I don't really have any advice, but you aren't alone. Fingers crossed things pick up for you and things settle down a bit so you can relax and enjoy. ❤️

Thank you both, that’s exactly what I needed to hear. Kind of that it’s ok to feel a bit rubbish but there’s a chance of me still enjoying it later on x

Sending hugs.

I'm pregnant with my second girl now (38 weeks so almost there!) and I'm lucky to have a very supportive DH but I've absolutely hated pregnancy both times.

Never had any sign of the so-called 'glow', basically felt horrendous from start to finish. Two completely different pregnancies but each awful in different ways and awful for the full pregnancy. 18 months of sheer hell in total.

Huge respect to you for doing this five times!! The only thing that gets me through is thinking about having my little girl in my arms at the end

Thank you. I just keep thinking of the moment the midwife will pass him/her to us and that rush of happiness, it’s the only thing making this all worth it.

Thank you. I just keep thinking of the moment the midwife will pass him/her to us and that rush of happiness, it’s the only thing making this all worth it

Op, I sincerely hope you get your rush of happiness but sometimes it just doesn’t happen for hours, days even. And that’s ok. It could be down to hormones, exhaustion, being totally overwhelmed by what’s happening, and the list goes on.

Just take it all as it comes and be secure in the knowledge that childbirth is different for everyone.

I wish you all the very best 💐

I lost any rose tinted specs a long time ago pregnancy wise. But I am in the trenches with HG and pelvic girdle pain. I look so miserable but I am actually happy at my miracle baby. Pregnancy after loss is anxiety inducing. Take each day as it comes. Can you contact your perinatal team they can advice and support you

I’m due to see the consultant and my midwife this week so will speak to them then x