Anxiety, line progression - how do people do this?!

[LittleGwyneth]

I found out on Friday, around 10/11DPO that I'm pregnant and was absolutely delighted. It was a faint line on the test but very much there. I then took a ClearBlue digital which came up as 'not pregnant'. On Sunday I retook a load of test, lines looked a little bit darker, darker, very easily visible, but not dye stealing blazing positives. The digital came up as pregnant. All of this sounds like pretty solid news written down, and yet I am going absolutely mad. And my therapist is on holiday so I'm turning to the good people of Mumsnet.

I've had one MMC and one healthy baby (now coming up for her third birthday) and I really thought that having had a healthy pregnancy would make me able to relax but I'm going mental. I've bought about 20 tests and I'm both desperate to retest and terrified to. I want to do line progression but I also don't want any bad news, and I'm basically unable to think about anything else. I've been feeling queasy and my boobs hurt so now if I feel fine for a while it makes me panic, and it's possible that feeling queasy is just a symptom of feeling so anxious. I keep thinking that maybe I need progesterone supplements (no reason to suspect this) and I go to the bathroom four times an hour to check for blood (none so far). This sounds very self indulgent but being inside my own body is exhausting because I can't stop obsessing about every sensation in case it means something. It was our first cycle trying and I wonder if part of me feels like I didn't 'earn' this pregnancy. But then last time it took six months and I was just as bad. I really thought I'd be more sane about this because I've already got one child, but nope.

Has anyone managed to do anything to alleviate this? And do we think that testing every 48 hours is a good idea, or likely to just send me even more mental?

Hey OP, I think you need to try and avoid retesting. I know it's easier said than done as I was the same, and I did retest! But my lines took ages to get darker and I was panicking for a good while that there wasn't enough progression. I now have a five week old baby boy, but caused myself so much anxiety in the beginning. Try and go with it a bit and let the medical professionals and occasional tests reassure you! Although I sympathise, that first twelve weeks can be gut wrenching, and all the way through I had moments of panic to be fair! Congratulations 💕

@Justanothermum9421 Thank you so much for being so kind. It means a lot.

Hi, I also found out last week I’m pregnant. I had an early miscarriage before I had my daughter who is now 2.5. We also conceived the first cycle this time and I totally understand how you feel about not “earning” the pregnancy, it almost feels too good to be true! The first trimester is such a worrying time, so many unknowns. I am also obsessively checking my underwear for blood so you aren’t alone there either!

I would say try not to test as I think it feeds the anxiety. I deliberately don’t have any tests in the house except one more digital clearblue which I’ll probably do later in the week for some reassurance but then that will be it. If I had more tests in the house, I think id be testing obsessively and analysing the lines and worrying about progression etc when I really don’t think it’s helpful - lines in a test no matter how strong can’t tell you if this pregnancy is going to be viable or successful and it won’t change the outcome.

At the moment, I’m allowing myself to be hopeful but also trying to guard my heart - I know nothing is garaunteed and I still keep saying “if this works out….” Etc. For me, repeating the mantra “today I am pregnant” and trying to enjoy every day that I am still pregnant rather than worrying about the outcome is helping me!

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself or help the time pass faster? I am working so that helps but also just spending time with my toddler is a good distraction!!

Also forgot to say congratulations and sending lots of good wishes for a sticky baby!!

@JuniperAndTonic thank you <3 it's really helpful to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

I hate to be blunt but I had perfect line progression and still had a missed miscarriage where development had stopped at 10 weeks. So what’s the point ? I never even knew line progression was a thing before I went on mumsnet. My experience made me realise how utterly pointless it is spending money on tests and making yourself anxious every day examining them.

@TheIceBear I think I'm clinging to it because the idea of another MMC is so hard. I felt so angry with myself for walking around all naive and excited while the pregnancy had stopped developing. But your point is a good one and I do need to learn to tolerate the fact that nothing is going to give me an actual insight into what's happening in my uterus, other waiting.

@LittleGwyneth I found this website helpful
https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer

In case anyone finds this and wants reassurance - baby arrived at 9lbs in November and is an absolute dream.