Advice on what to do…

ZanyKoala · 2025-02-25T16:47:57+00:00

Looking for a bit of advice, currently 23w pregnant and have a 7 year old SD. SD lives 3/3.5 hours away (each way), partner has her every other Friday - Sunday. I’m due late June & wondering if / when my partner should stop the journey incase I go into labour? Just a bit worried about going into labour when he’s on the journey & can’t get back etc. I don’t want to not see SD but just concerned. any advise would be fab x

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Stai · 25/02/2025 16:50

I would just play it by ear. Babies are rarely born within three hours of contractions, and you’d be unlucky for it to happen on one of those days anyway. Does he have a plan of who is going to look after his daughter if it happens on those certain days? If so, I think you’ll be fine.

IUnderstandTheWeird · 25/02/2025 16:51

he’d likely have plenty of time to get to you, even if you went into labour on his drive there! Who would look after his dd if you went into labour whilst she was with you?

sel2223 · 25/02/2025 17:47

I wouldn't want to stop the regular days for fear of SD feeling pushed out by the new baby, is there a plan for where she would stay if baby came on one of the days she is with you and your partner? Paternal grandparents, other family for example.

I do understand your concern with a 7 hour round trip twice a week!

InTheRainOnATrain · 25/02/2025 17:56

Presumably the issue is if you go into labour on a contact weekend he’d need to do a 7 hour round trip to drop her home. Rather than being 3ish hours away on the drive itself because a first labour is unlikely to go that quickly. Does DH get on ok with his ex? Would she be willing to pick her up from yours if that happened? Do you have any childcare available local to you e.g. DH’s mum/SD’s Grandma as a back up?

Original poster

ZanyKoala · 25/02/2025 19:05

Stai · 25/02/2025 16:50

I would just play it by ear. Babies are rarely born within three hours of contractions, and you’d be unlucky for it to happen on one of those days anyway. Does he have a plan of who is going to look after his daughter if it happens on those certain days? If so, I think you’ll be fine.

We have no family near us to look after SD if I went into labour when she was here.

OP posts:

Original poster

ZanyKoala · 25/02/2025 19:05

IUnderstandTheWeird · 25/02/2025 16:51

he’d likely have plenty of time to get to you, even if you went into labour on his drive there! Who would look after his dd if you went into labour whilst she was with you?

Not sure, we haven’t got anyone local.

OP posts:

Original poster

ZanyKoala · 25/02/2025 19:06

sel2223 · 25/02/2025 17:47

I wouldn't want to stop the regular days for fear of SD feeling pushed out by the new baby, is there a plan for where she would stay if baby came on one of the days she is with you and your partner? Paternal grandparents, other family for example.

I do understand your concern with a 7 hour round trip twice a week!

No plan unfortunately as we have no family local so wouldn’t have anyone to have her

OP posts:

Original poster

ZanyKoala · 25/02/2025 19:08

InTheRainOnATrain · 25/02/2025 17:56

Presumably the issue is if you go into labour on a contact weekend he’d need to do a 7 hour round trip to drop her home. Rather than being 3ish hours away on the drive itself because a first labour is unlikely to go that quickly. Does DH get on ok with his ex? Would she be willing to pick her up from yours if that happened? Do you have any childcare available local to you e.g. DH’s mum/SD’s Grandma as a back up?

The issue we have is the no family local to look after SD in the time needed for her mum to collect her etc. It’s a hard situation

OP posts:

CharlieAndMoose · 25/02/2025 19:21

I agree with the PP who said it isn't fair on your SD to put a stop to the visits "just in case" - she'll feel very excluded. If you have no family or friends who can offer to step in for childcare if you go into labour during her visit, you'll need to communicate and make plans with her mum instead - does she have transport to be able to collect her?

My friend went into labour when her DH was 5 hours away at a family party, he made it back in time for the birth with about 5 more hours to spare. So even if it were to happen whilst he was on the journey it's unlikely he'd miss the birth.

InTheRainOnATrain · 25/02/2025 19:26

ZanyKoala · 25/02/2025 19:08

The issue we have is the no family local to look after SD in the time needed for her mum to collect her etc. It’s a hard situation

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If her mum will collect her and is ok with being on call from when you get to 38 weeks ish then that’s your solution. You’re highly unlikely to go from first twinge to baby in the 3.5 hours it will take for her to arrive. If she isn’t willing to do that then that’s harder obviously.

skkyelark · 26/02/2025 10:13

I agree that the actual drive probably isn't a big deal – most first labours take quite a while.

Your husband and DSD's mum absolutely do need to figure out what the plan is if labour starts when DSD is with you. If mum will come and get her, that's great, but even then you might want a backup plan. Does DSD have any friends near yours that might be willing to help out? Any neighbours you're friendly with? It's the sort of situation where most people will help if they can, and a seven year old is quite a lot easier than a toddler. Similarly, double-check that DSD's mum is able and willing to keep DSD for an unexpected weekend if you go into labour on a Friday.

Stai · 26/02/2025 11:20

Many people have a second child like your husband is doing. He needs to find childcare or look after his child himself whilst you have the baby. What would you do if you had a second child? You’d need to find childcare or he would look after your first child. This is a very common problem for people who have a second baby with no friend or family help.

Notgivenuphope · 26/02/2025 11:23

He has two children who he is responsible for. His duties to his first child do not stop for you.

Meadowfinch · 26/02/2025 11:29

OP, first babies usually take a while to put in an appearance. My back was pinging for 36 hours before my waters broke.

You can't rely on that, of course, but if the worse did happen, you could get a taxi to the hospital, and have the midwives with you, while your partner meets up with his ex-wife somewhere to hand over dsd.

Make sure he keeps his ex and his dd informed of progress so DSD feels included.