Due date is best friends wedding date

[FTM1993]

I've just found out I'm pregnant but don't want to tell anybody the news until at least 12 weeks which is about a month away from now. My due date is around the date of my friends wedding in September. She wants to get her final numbers sorted so I need to RSVP. I won't be able to commit to going due to it being about 4 hours away. How do I decline without telling her I'm pregnant, as I'm not ready to share the news yet? Cant see another way around it :(

Just tell her. With the caveat that it's early days so nothing's guaranteed so she doesn't go overboard on getting excited. Ask her to keep it a secret if you're really bothered.

First of all, congratulations!! If you're not ready to tell them you shouldn't feel pressured to.

Maybe something like...

"Hey [Friend's name], thank you so much for the invite, so excited for you! Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to make it as I'm dealing with some personal stuff which makes committing to future travel tricky at the moment. I understand you need rsvp's asap so please accept my apologies. I hope you understand, and I’m really sorry I can't be more specific right now. I really wish I could be there to celebrate with you, and I’ll definitely be thinking of you on your big day!"

She might come back and ask follow up questions. I had one wedding where they basically said we could change our mind right up until the day as they wanted us there and they'd move things around! We eventually came clean that it was due to a bump and they said they'd guessed but didn't want to press us, and we were welcome with or without baby and could decide as last minute as we wanted. Baby was 2 weeks late so I got to waddle at the wedding 😂 Good chums!

Hope it works out for you xx

This.

One of my bridesmaids told me about her pregnancy that meant she would be about 6 weeks post partum after the birth. In my case she could come but needed a bigger dress.

I stayed quiet and waited for the more general announcement

She's your best friend. God forbid anything happened she would likely find out anyway?

Or accept and then update her you just found out your pregnant and no longer can make it.

Yes I would do this. I had the same thing and told my friend. Unfortunately my pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, but I’m glad I told her as she was very supportive. Even when I confirmed I would attend later she was brilliant and it wasn’t a hassle to move things about. It was one of my favourite weddings!

Congrats on the pregnancy!

If that's the case, is she really your "best friend"? My best friend would be my MoH or at least a bridesmaid so I would be expected to be there without them even asking me..? Would you not be gutted to miss your best friends wedding?

Just tell her.

Just tell her, don't start making up all sorts of random crap, she's your best friend.

Why do you have to RSVP 7 months before?

I would tell her or you risk a fall out.

Congratulations! I'm team tell her. I get the not making wider announcements but my close circle were invaluable when I miscarried so told them whenever I saw them with subsequent pregnancies.

There were people I didn't tell the first time round and it made things a bit weird, I was delaying responding to announce but then it wasn't meant to be and then I couldn't respond as was devastated and after that I just felt it was easier to be open. But I dont like secrecy generally. I think the don't tell people is useful for people you don't want small talk/ pity from but best friends are different.

I find it quite strange that if she’s your best friend that she hasn’t just assumed you’ll be there tbh! Why would you not be there if it weren’t for this pregnancy? I don’t think I have ever formally rsvped to my best friend’s weddings and visa versa as we just know we would be there - we’re best friends!

Tell her.

I find it quite strange that if she’s your best friend that she hasn’t just assumed you’ll be there tbh! Why would you not be there if it weren’t for this pregnancy?

Prior commitment
Previously booked holiday
Health issues
Family issues
Financial issues - if it means travel, hotel costs.

This anything could happen to anyone in this time frame.

Just accept for now and then let her down in a months time. She will only want to know now so early so she can invite more people she will have ages before she needs to firm definite numbers surely?

Just tell her. Something along the lines of "Rachel, you know I wouldn't ordinarily miss your special day for all the world, but it might be slightly awkward and a bit of a social gaffe if bubs upstages you by making their entrance during the ceremony. I'd hate for you to hold that against my firstborn in perpetuum, especially as I was hoping you might honour us by being a godparent, provided you can commit to the usual naff silver-plated photo frame and a fountain pen on their 21st birthday in your impecunious post-wedding state. Maybe go easy on the wedding favours and review the guest list, eh?"

Yes but what I mean is, wouldn’t you have just told her those things as soon as you realised. Surely best friends talk about these things together anyway.