Intrusive thoughts... worried my daughter will look like me

[FunkyPigeon35]

This is gonna make me sound insane but I can't help how I feel. I am pregnant, and I worry if it's a girl she'll look like me. I'm "objectively" not attractive, just a bad face, and I was bullied pretty badly for how I looked. It's had a major impact on my self esteem and mental health, still to this day. I'm sure I will think my daughter is beautiful no matter what, but I hate the thought of her suffering like I did because people are ignorant.

Sadly the women in my partner's family share some of my facial defects (I try not to think about the freudian implications of this😅) so his genes are unlikely to balance things out.

For the record I am NOT saying I care about how she looks or will value her any less for not conforming to some stupid beauty standard!! I just don't want her to hate herself like I did!! (And sometimes still do).

Has anyone else had this insane worry? How did you make yourself feel better?

Honestly, I don’t know anyone who didn’t worry about this to some degree, It’s perfectly normal to have these concerns. We all want our DC to have an easier time of life than we did, and hope they will be perfect so they have nothing to be targeted about. The majority of children do get through school and life absolutely fine though and, if there are any issues, you deal with them at the time and just do what you can to ease their way through life. When they are surrounded by love and support and, with a little help, nurture amazing friendships, things generally turn out fine. One of my DC is Autistic and has had a pretty rough time but is still (mostly!) doing okay, but even if things had gone perfectly I’m sure I’d still have worries!
Congratulations on your pregnancy

@IUnderstandTheWeird thank you so much for your reassurancing reply.

I'm sure you're right, we want to protect our children from all cruelty but it's just not possible! I'm sorry your kid has had a hard time for being different, but glad he's doing ok xxx

Bless you, I felt exactly the same. I still have zero self esteem, however, my daughter is beautiful. I see bits of me in her and had a bit of a revelation that maybe I’m not that bad after all. I’ll never be an oil painting but I wish I had had the confidence to understand that the bullies were just picking on me as I was an easy target.

The best thing you can do for your lovely girl is give her confidence and self belief (I know that’s easier said than done!) and don’t base praise on her looks. I mean, tell her she looks beautiful at times, but mainly tell her how clever/thoughtful/kind/creative/resilient etc she is.

Congratulations 💐

Thank you for this lovely post! I love the idea that seeing yourself in your beautiful child makes you more forgiving towards yourself. Xxx