Single during pregnancy

[Remi141]

Hi all,
I am currently 12 almost 13 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. He cited other reasons for the breakup, not the pregnancy. He says he still wants to be in the baby’s life. I am really struggling, emotionally I am a complete mess. I just feel totally distraught and unable to cope. I do have a really good support network of friends and family but that isn’t making it any easier at the moment. I just wondered has anyone gone through something similar?
Thankyou

Do you really want him in your life for the next 18 years? If not, have you considered not continuing with the pregnancy?

One of my best friends had her baby and at 3 months her husband left her.
it wasn’t what she had planned but she has absolutely thrived (her words) because he was a dead weight.
i think the first thing is do you want this baby?

I can’t imagine how distressing this must be for you. It’s going to hurt like hell
please speak to your support network xx

Red makes a good point. Co-parenting with a horrible person can be hellish for you and awful for the child. Will they respect what's best for the child and always put them first? If they're being selfish now, are they likely to be selfish with the child too? This seems to be a shock to you, are they reliable and trustworthy to take a baby, care for them well, keep you informed, and return them as agreed? Do you have any safety or well-being fears for a potential child? Co-parenting from birth can be a very hard life for mother and child.

Hopefully, none of this is the case, if you still wanted to be with them and you're upset, then hopefully you'll be able to work out the co-parenting if it's what you want. Lots of people manage. I found doing it all alone was easier. My heartbreak wasn't relevant anymore, I put my child first.

I was very excited about the baby. Termination has not been something I have considered

Do you still want to continue the pregnancy? It's not to late to reconsider.

You absolutely stick to this and have your little bubs ❤️
its so much adjustment but from what you’ve said your ex isn’t good enough to be a partner to you. If he co parents then great but assume he won’t.
put yourself and your baby first.
so many friends have stayed with useless partners and they end up babying them too.
You will get excited about your baby but take time to process what your boyfriend has done. It’s his loss. Xx

Ok. Then you need to either see your GP re your mental health, or get yourself together. Being unable to cope isn't an option.

Please refrain from writing things like “get it together” it is not helpful. Obviously in the future I will have myself more together, it’s obviously very raw. Thanks

Did you mean to be such a horrible twat?

OP, you’ve got this. Seems like a mountain but there’s 6 months between now and the baby arriving, you won’t be feeling like this by then. Use all the support you have around you.

I think there are some really shitty posters on MN in general who are unhappy and feel better posting horrible unnecessary messages.

I had it regarding a pregnancy question and it really upset me so I can’t imagine how this must be affecting op.

OP you are strong and you’ll get through this. It will be the making of you and your baby.
please remember pregnancy already makes you feel lousy and vulnerable. Your hormones are all over the place. I’ve cried over silly stuff so you are 100% allowed to cry, be a mess, let it out. Don’t allow anyone to minimise this or disregard your situation. Or tell your to pull yourself together FFS
if anyone in your life does this drop them.
you’ll be surprised at your wonderful support network. Your true friends will be there for you.
life has thrown you a massive curve ball but you will manage. X

Thank you so much for your kind response. The negative response really hurt me, but I am trying to ignore it. Obviously I will do my best to be strong for my baby but it’s only been a few days, and being told to “get it together” is not helpful from anyone. Your kind genuine response has meant a lot. All I am looking is a bit more reassurance. So thank you x

Hi @Remi141 - I was in a similar situation to you. My partner of many years decided that he wasn't ready to be a father and left. We had moved overseas to work, and my parents couldn't deal with the shame of me being a single parent, so I stayed overseas.

It was tough, I will not lie, but you are in a much stronger position because you have support around you. And, like you I think, I was so happy from the moment I knew that I was pregnant and that beyond anything, I was going to look after the baby. It was the two of us against the world.

Looking back years later, it was the making of me. I made mistakes and learned from them. Today my daughter is 27, has a fabulous job and we have a great relationship. Her father has never been involved - that was his choice. We don't miss him because he's never been around.

I wish you all the very, very best from the bottom of my heart.

Thankyou so much. You are so strong, your situation sounds so tough but look at all you have to show for it. A wonderful daughter who by the sounds of it you have a great relationship with. You are a strong mama and have so much to be proud of. Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean so much at such a difficult time.

OP I hope you’re doing ok. I’ve been thinking of you and hope you’re able to cry, lean on friends and family and feel supported x