Single and pregnant

[sparkles02]

My ex broke up with me in January, not going to lie I was really hurt by it.

I went off food and was feeling really rubbish to put it mildly plus crying lots.

I've since discovered I'm pregnant and I think the symptoms were pregnancy related.

I spoke to my ex whose initial reaction was to abort the baby but for personal reasons this wasn't an option for me. I also told him I would do it alone but he's adamant he wants involvement.

I've since discovered I'm high risk and he's actually just taking it all in his stride. Actually he's been amazing, continuously asking how I'm doing, asking about appointments (already been twice) and then came over with food for me (not that I could eat much). He's been coming over nightly and spending some time with me.

Anyways this is making all my feelings rush back. It's like how we were before but missing the intimacy. It's starting to hurt me that I can't just touch or kiss him or even get a hug.

I'm also scared he'll reject me if I try.

Anyone been in a similar situation? I'm so vulnerable right now and need support. Which he is giving but just not with physical touch.

Help how do I get over him and accept we have to be civil or friends for the baby.

I know boundaries etc but how to implement this without sounding like I'm pushing him away or not wanting him involved. When I really do.

I understand the fear of potentially losing him by admitting to these feelings, but you regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did. You definitely shouldn't just lean in for a kiss! But maybe sit him down somewhere and ask him how he's been feeling about the current circumstances, and if he's happy. If there's anything he would change, or if he could go back in time, do differently. Sadly there's no magical potion to take away or give feelings, so all you can really hope for is honesty and mutual respect if things don't go as you hope. So many ladies could comment advice under this post but the only way you're going to genuinely know how he feels; is to ask him.

This could be a good way to approach it I guess.
But also a way for me to gauge how he's feeling.
I think I also need to set boundaries about what I need from him if he doesn't want to try again with me.
I'm also scared if he doesn't it will just be for the baby and not me.

It's a high risk pregnancy and I've miscarried before so I'm worried.

You could say something like "do you think that in different circumstances our relationship could have worked ?"

Makes it easy for him to say no or evade the question, and it puts less pressure on him than asking directly if he wants to try again.

But also consider that you're both going through a lot of changes. Is now the right time to revisit this sort of commitments ? Maybe wait and see if he's consistently this amazing in the longer run.

I know it’s not what you asked but the lack of intimacy would be too hard for me so if it was feasible I would abort and would have a baby with someone else at some point

Are you serious? You'd abort your baby because someone wasn't having sex with you? I am all for pro choice, but wtf is wrong with you??? Aborting a baby because a man won't touch you???

well when you put it like that it sounds ridiculous but I would want to be in a relationship with the man, I would need the reassurance and the emotional intimacy during a difficult time, pregnancy, childbirth and having a child is a big decision and hard and I wouldn’t want to do it without being with the father.

So in an ideal world yeah I would be wanting to have a baby with a man I was in a loving relationship with

As for aborting a baby well I've done that 22 years ago and to this day I still live with the guilt and regret. So it's not something I would even consider again unless it was on medical advice.

I have miscarried in the past and I never thought I would have the chance to be a mum. I'm 39 years old and broke up with a long term partner at the start of last year.

I had accepted the fact that I wouldn't be a mum. I wanted the long term relationship/commitment and then think about trying but I knew that it was likely impossible so had accepted that.

When I found out I was pregnant now I was terrified but excited. I'm scared of history repeating itself and I miscarry and also scared as I'm alone.

Not everyone gets the perfect happy ever after

All I asked for was support