Emotional abuse pregnancy - a real pickle!

[Olivetree25]

Hi all

This is my first post, so I’m not too sure what I’m doing.

I made the mistake of agreeing to marry someone I knew was volatile and emotionally abusive. To make matters worse, I also committed my life savings to buying our dream house. He did not commit any money to the purchase, but intended to pay me back upon the sale of a property of his. Further, he was due to pay a significantly larger part of the mortgage repayments which would be relevant to salary. Because I’m an idiot, none of this is written down.

To make matters even worse, whilst all of this has been going on, I am now 15 weeks pregnant, we’re in the house, I’m skint and the emotional abuse has escalated to an unmanageable amount. Whilst he’s not hit me, he’s been incredibly aggressive, such as punching walls and when I’m crying hysterically and begging him to give me space, he will make a point of refusing to leave the room, which is intimidating. Some examples:

• Ill be an awful mother / abort now
• I’m fat, ugly, will never do any better than him
• im the problem, mentally unstable and need to be committed to a mental asylum
• he claims he’s spoken with my closest friends, who are in agreement with the above

He’s now trying to chuck me out of my own home. I feel so foolish to believe that he could change and that I fell pregnant and didn’t at least protect myself (and my baby) financially.

Any advice would be great. It all feels a bit overwhelming right now.

Hi OP. I’m so sorry - specially at a time that you should be really feeling calm and safe. So I think you need to contact women’s aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/ive-left-and-i-need-support/
and see how they can help you.
I hope you’re safe.

I'm so sorry. You must be very scared.

You haven't married yet?
The house is in both your names?

You definitely need to separate from him, the abuse is escalating and this trend will continue.

Do you have friends or family who can give you practical and emotional support?

You should get legal advice concerning the house

Hello OP

I have no advice beyond, get legal advice and leave him, but I think you need to forgive yourself. I can almost hear you berating yourself ! Well, you made a mistake, so what ? Don't we all ? Directing your disgust and anger at yourself rather than him won't help, at a time when you need to focus all of your energy towards yourself and your baby. So, forgive yourself (I know it's not easy, but try !)

Hi op,
I was in almost exactly the same situation but he left me just before we bought the house a month before baby was born. Thank goodness for that.

Please seek legal advice and dv charity advice. Punching a wall IS domestic violence and you can report this to police and then bar him from the property (even when he co owns it) and get a non molestation order. Get your ducks in a row. Please keep a diary of everything that happens as he'll try to convince you you're crazy. Read or listen to 'it's not you' by dr ramani.

DO NOT put him on the birth certificate when baby is born. He'll get on it easily if he applies to court but this will delay him and it will stop him running off with baby until he's on it.

Ps they all act nice at first, I am an incredibly well educated sensible woman and I fell for someone similar

Ps a book called 'how to annihilate a narcissist in the family court' will also be helpful

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you continue this pregnancy you are connected to him forever. With a child he will use to hurt you. You do have options still at this stage.

please talk to your midwife for support.