Pregnant to my ex

[confused002]

So I'm pregnant with my exes baby.

I have made the decision to keep it and he's being supportive despite not being keen on becoming a dad. In reality he's been great, in regular contact etc.

So tonight he came over and we sort of discussed things, first I've seen him since I shared the news. The first thing he did was give me a huge hug.

We talked about how involved he wants to be etc (he's pretty much all in) and I actually think he will be.

Anyway my issue is me. He ended things with me and I'm still hurting. I still have all these feelings. Then tonight when he held me and we were together they all came flooding back. I struggled to not reach over and hug him, just a kiss or touch. We were always sitting close touching etc. beinf in his arms I feel safe and that's the first I felt at peace since discovering I was pregnant.

My question is how do I get over him? But still have him around? I don't want to take him being a father away from him. I'm also not keen on him dating etc or at least I don't want to know about it.

Help

It hard to advise without more information What were his reasons for ending the relationship. would you be willing to give up this pregnancy and have a child with someone else?

He ended things with you so tell him you would like some distance to get over the break up. Block him on social media, block his number as well to be safe and just communicate over email - and only about the pregnancy. He absolutely will start dating again and that'll be hard for you to handle while pregnant and hormonal and trying to do the whole friends thing for his sake. Give yourself plenty of time to process everything while prioritising yourself and baby.

Why did he break up with you? How long were you together?

I don't want to give too much away about the breakup on here. In my eyes it's something that should be over looked (agreed by a variety of people) but he couldn't get past it. We hadn't been together long, or live together etc.

We had stopped contact etc until I found out I was pregnant. It came as a huge shock but I knew I had to tell him.

Giving up the pregnancy isn't something that I could do. I have done it before and still live with the guilt. I'm also older so this could be my last chance.

When I told him he had his reasons for not keeping it but agreed it's my body. His reasons are actually valid. It was also something we had discussed, his kids are grown up and he didn't want the baby stage again. I said kids weren't in my plan, due to my age. I had no plans to get pregnant quickly and knew if I waited until I was sure of the relationship and we were living together it would likely be too late.

Your hormones are going to kick your arse over the next year.

If he's there for you, they'll tell you it's love.
When he provides, they'll tell you it's love.
When he supports you duing labour PP and is there for his baby, you'll be especially screwed.

This is going to be an extra layer of hard ontop of hard.

But you have to get over it. He broke up with you.
Because you chose to put another life in the middle.
The baby should have a good stable environment.
And if you try and hold onto this and sour the co parenting then that's not fair.

So you have got to compartmentalise. Everyyhgtinvg he does from here on out he's doing for the baby. Not you.

At the moment he's the only one that knows about the pregnancy. We're waiting until after the first trimester to tell people and know that things are all ok.
With my age it's considered high risk or at least geriatric.

If I had my way I would be keeping it to myself until I was starting to show

It's so hard when he's text everyday asking how I am. Coming along to appointments, making sure I'm eating and keeping food down.

I know I need to get over him but how do I do this without blocking all contact? I'm afraid the feelings will grow.

I don't want to stop him being a dad and I hope we can be friends as we coparent.

With any other relationship time heals, but this is so difficult

sorry, this sounds so hard. How old are you? Are you sure this may be your last chance if you got pregnant so quickly? Given how supportive and caring he’s being, he will want to stay in babies life so you will have to deal with forever. You will eventually get over it but it will be hard, especially if he finds someone else which he will (men are incapable of living alone).

This thread is 9 months old. Pretty sure OP has worked things out with him by now.

Yeah baby is here and healthy

I asked him to take a step back, this was once I had confided in others about the pregnancy. I just explained that I needed space to heal not just for me but for baby too.

he was welcome at scans but maternity appointments were for me only and I would keep him informed. he did say he would find it tough as he wanted to be there for me too but respected my wishes.

as the pregnancy progressed and I felt better in myself I was more open to having him around. I didn’t want to be coparenting with someone I didn’t get on with or couldn’t be around. Especially when baby was first born and the first few months.

we built a friendship in this time and I actually welcomed him at the birth

since then he has spoke about us trying again and for us to be a family. I am tempted but have told him we need to focus on our baby for now and not us. If he keeps showing up as he has been and stays consistent and we still get on then I would be open to the idea.

he stays at mine (in the spare room) and helps with routine etc on a fairly regular basis. He hasn’t had the baby for more than a few hours alone though but that’s down to me as I’m breastfeeding. We are acting like a family in a way but without the relationship

im not going to lie and say its all been plain sailing, it was and is tough being alone and also tough having him around but I had to put my feelings to one side. I’m glad I did as he’s an amazing father and stepped up in ways I wouldn’t have imagined