TWINS!!!

[KRP8]

9 months post partum, accidentally pregnant and had just come around to the idea of having another addition to our family so soon after our first. To find out I am 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant, with TWINS was not on my to do list for 2025. I am absolutely terrified, had a panic attack in my scan and now left feeling completely scared and confused. Can anyone help?

First take a deep breath and try to tackle each issue separately.

What is overwhelming specifically ? Is it having three kids ? Is it the small age gap ? Money worries ?

Three kids : totally appreciate this being scary and overwhelming but there's plenty of things twins can do together, they'll be going to the same school, are likely to enjoy similar things, etc. Totally different from having, say, a ten year old, a five year old and a baby.

Which brings me to the age gap. Yeah, it's harder in the early years. I don't have twins but I do have three under five and with my first two it was two under two. The first couple of years is HARD. Buuut you reap the rewards ten fold later. Mine have a wonderful relationship, play together so well, entertain each other, etc. It'll be easier in the later years as you won't be the default playmate. I think a close age gap is the best thing ever and I wish mine were closer together !

And then money. It may be a tighter fit but twins can share clothes and toys and most other things and it's possible to find cheap activities for them. You may need a bit more imagination but in some ways it's good for the kids to appreciate the value of money rather than take it for granted.

You've had a shock, take some time to breathe. You have a few months yet, you don't need to figure anything out yet. And twins are so special ! I used to hope for twins with my first two !

Congratulations!

How does your dh feel? Can you manage financially? What's your support network like? Do you work?

It will be tough having three under two at first but also lovely having three little pals as they get older.

Go on the twins trust website. It's really helpful.
There are twin clubs all over the place which are basically playgroups but a really good way to meet twin parents and get advice/ support. Twins trust will have a list. The twins community is lovely and will support with hand-me-downs etc as they all understand the expenses of twins. Twins trust have published research on how much more expensive twins are than having two kids separately. Not to scare you, just to be honest. I didn't see that until after giving birth and it was a bit of a shock.
If you want to breastfeed, join the Facebook group breastfeeding twins and triplets. There's lots of misinformation about breastfeeding twins and the group's really helpful.
If you have a Home Start in your area, you can self refer or your health visitor can (should!) refer you for a volunteer to visit for a few hours a week. They can support with either going out and about or just being at home with a second pair of hands -which is invaluable! Home Start support loads of families but have tons of twins on their lists because they know it's such hard work.
Get bouncers. The second they're big enough for them, they're really handy to dock a twin or two for bottle feeding or to distract one while you're feeding or dealing with the other. Definitely recommended!

I can't advise on what you should do next but hopefully the stuff above will be helpful. Twins are insanely hard work initially and you will need support even without having another child to add into the mix.
Whatever you decide, best of luck x

I just want to say as a massive positive for your little ones is they have a friend for life. Being a twin is the best thing ❤️

Sorry not helpful like other members, but just from a twin's perspective ❤️

I have twins, no others though! It will be tough in the beginning. Look up your local twins / multiples club. Make contact before you have them, best place to go for advice and looking at advice for prams etc. There will be in my experience plenty of willing hands to help you out either with the twins or your older one. Can you put the eldest in nursery for a few sessions a week?

Practicalities - car, sleeping arrangements, you absolutely need two of a lot of things eg bouncers.

Also for me routine was key, they need to be on the same feeding / sleeping routine or you will never leave the house.

thank you all for your responses. Specifically scared about the whole thing, the idea of 3 kids is not ever something me or dh wanted. He is supportive but is equally terrified and doubtful. Financially it will be a strain, but doable. Emotionally and on our relationship it will put a huge strain. I worry for dd1, who is only 9 months old. The worry of her feeling pushed to the side, or not getting the same amount of love and attention that she gets from us now is breaking my heart. I just can’t get over this shock. We went to the 12 week scan being told to prepare for the possibility that there was no heartbeat. To be told not only is there one heart beat but TWO is a huge blessing but also completely terrifying

Wow! Overwhelming but AMAZING!!!! I'm so happy for you. It will be exhausting but you'll nail it. You are going to have a beautiful family x

It may not be any more a strain on your relationship than had it been one child

They are all so different. They may be the easiest pair! Enrol your eldest as you biggest helper. She will always be the big sister. Make her feel proud to be the big one x

I just worry that our eldest is just too little, I am due in August but they are likely to come via c section at 36 weeks, so July. Eldest will only be 14 months, I just worry for her. I struggled after she was born, the adjustment to our life was crazy, we did it and absolutely love our lives now as the 3 of us. I just don’t know if we will cope. It’s only now that dd1 is 9 months old and sleeping better that we can function and have time to ourselves at the end of the day. It’s a scary scary thought to disrupt absolutely everything we’ve come to know over the last 9 months

I found first baby so so hard. Had twins when she was 3 and they were much easier.
Throw every bit of money, help and organisational skills at it. We had someone over for the first three weeks. Both mums for a week then a night nanny who was just off training and looking for experience.
They only wore sleep suits and vests until they were walking. Night bottles at room temp so they were quick to prepare.
No fancy equipment. Bought a traditional twin pram from local twins club and they slept in that.
split the night shift and one of us went to bed at 8pm.
Was hard but we got though it and so will you. I am very fond of them all! ❤️❤️❤️

I have 13 months between mine and being told my second was twins was something I was nervous about. It wasn't twins so I can't comment on that but I did worry about my 13 month not having all the attention etc but everything was fine, 1st loved having a baby and was so young was kind of oblivious and can't ever remember not having a brother. So I think there's benefits to the small age gap too. I would also say it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, already exhausted lol and as they have grown they very much have the same/similar interests. I do know someone who had the same age and her second was twins, I think you just adapt and you do it because you have no choice.

It will be a lovely chaos.

@Blue278 that sounds lovely, and I’m glad you had the much needed support at such a trying time. I just worry that we do not have this, my mum has passed, and partners mum is not able to come and stay or help. If we had a village it wouldn’t be a question, but we simply don’t. And the fear of doing it all alone is eating me up. Postpartum depression and psychosis are extremely prevalent in my family, luckily I did not have either with dd1, but the fear of having either with twins and a toddler is terrifying to me. I just hope we can see a way through this, either way our lives are changed forever I just hope one day I can look back on I how I feel now and wonder why I ever felt so scared x