Pregnant, terrified and alone

[ellabellaaaa]

I found out on Friday that I am pregnant, about 6 weeks along. Although myself and my DH had been trying, it's come as a big surprise as we had some suspected fertility issues and I'd got it in my head that it would take months to conceive. I thought I'd be happy and relieved when I got a BFP but actually it has been the exact opposite.

My mental health was not great beforehand and I started taking anti-depressants the week before I found out I am pregnant. Over the weekend my anxiety has spiralled out of control and I've started to get morning sickness. I was worried about having a baby when TTC as we don't have any family nearby (in-laws and my parents are both the opposite end of the country, at least a 7 hr drive away) and we have a very limited social circle where we live (no close friends, only acquaintances), but this has turned into full blown panic attacks over the past couple of days. I don't think I can have a baby without family support, I miss my mum and wish there was some way to move closer to my parents or in-laws. When I am with them down, I feel like a completely different person. Myself and my DH tried to make the move in the summer but couldn't get jobs so felt there was no option but to stay put and try and move on with our lives.

I've started getting really stressed about hypothetical scenarios like who will look after our dog while I am giving birth in hospital. Our flat also isn't suitable for a dog and a baby as I wouldn't be able to manage taking both the baby and dog out while my DH is at work so we need to move, our car is too small and no-one will visit us after I have the baby.

Does anyone have any advice? My mental health is spiralling and I can't think straight

Hello, first of all congratulations on the pregnancy. It is perfectly normal to feel a little overwhelmed when you find out you are expecting a baby, especially after trying.

You are not alone and your husband and you will be able to solve some of these issues together. Let him step into the role as father and help work things out together and I’m sure you’ll be able to sort the dog out. Unless you have a dog the size of a horse, you can have the baby in a baby carier while you take a walk.

I assume your anti depressants were prescribed so please make an appointment with your GP to be put under the care of the maternity team so they can work with you to manage your mental health during the pregnancy. They will also have ideas around groups you can join to find other mums. We were in a similar situation and I didn’t have a local network or family nearby and we joined the NCT and that group were a great support and continues to be so. Even if you decide to move closer to family at some point, there will be groups for every stage of your child’s life.

The nice thing when the baby arrives is that you are not working and you can stay with your family and they’ll love having time with the baby.

Everything will be fine.

Aww mate.

What do you do for a living? Could you look at moving back near family and get a temp job whilst you're pregnant and your husband could get a perm job?

Having family around really does make a difference.