1 week to go & a house full of visitors

[monkeysmama]

Right - I need advice and I need it quick!

Months ago my two best mates - one from Europe, one from Oz - suggested coming over around the time bubble is due. For a whole variety of reasons I never expected today to come and so said yes.

Now the visits are upon us and I don't know what to do. One friend with husband arrives Friday & stays until Monday night and the other & her mum arrives Sunday for 3 weeks although in fairness she's only staying with us a few nights here and there over the 3 weeks.

I have made a mistake with dates and so already am facing the prospect of telling Friend II & her mum they will have to stay elsewhere for the first 2 nights as we only have one spare room and the others are in it.

I am so tired and am having some family issues (not with dp) that are putting some emotional pressure on me and I want to, indeed must, deal with before my bubble arrives. My dp is not happy about the visits and wants me just to relax. One problem is Friend 1 and her husband don't speak any English whilst dp is monolingual.

And what if baby comes while they're here? I don't want anyone staying here while I am giving birth and to come home to a house with people in it! Is that selfish?

What shall I do? Both me and dp are very "nice" and find being blunt very difficult!

MM

I am dreading this- my parents have invited themselves down after this one is born and there just isn't space- these are the people who came for an impromptu visit (from 300 miles away I might add!) after I had my tonsils out and expected me to vacate my bedroom and sleep on the floor to make space for them I know they mean well but I can do without the extra stress! Ideally I'd like a few weeks to get settled at home before the visitors start to pour in. The only thing I can think of is to tell them to help themselves to everything so you are not constantly worrying about playing hostess to them and make it quite clear how exhausted you are and hope that they will help.

To both MonkeysMama and LittleLamb - could your guests afford a hotel and would they be offended if you suggested it? The baby and your stress levels should be top priority now. It is very important you and the baby are calm right now.

I had this problem with the birth of my DD. It's a long story but we lived abroad and my friend basically invited herself over with a guy I had never met before (who she wouldn't share a room with so he slept on our sitting room floor) when i was 37 weeks pregnant.

I was too soft to say no, baby arrived at 37 weeks. The prospect & stress/anticipation beforehand was much worse than when they actually arrived as they were relatively good guests and in some ways helped distract me from the birth. They were also horrendously embarrassed when the baby did turn up and cleared out of the way before we left hospital (v important I think, you want to come home to an empty house).

If they do come, then make sure they realise that, at 9 months pg, you are not a hotel, do not provide food/change sheets etc and, at the least, would like an empty house to return to should the baby arrive. I bet they don't have children themselves as no one who has would be that inconsiderate. Not to be mean about your friends but who wants to stay with someone who is 9 months pg anyway?!

I am glad it is not just me with this problem - though that sounds horrible! .

I emailed friend in Oz yesterday to suggest she'll have to stay elsewhere for the first few nights but haven't heard back.

Have just heard from friend as above. She is not happy and suggesting I should've told her ages ago. Having not slept for 2 nights and just seen mw to be told bubble's still back to back I feel like crying!

I just want to sleep!

Mine was back to back but he turned straightaway as soon as my waters broke and went into labour

don't panic about back to back

Thanks chocbiscuits. I think I'm tired and emotional today. Silly but true.

Do either of your friends have children? I'm guessing not, so you can't expect them to understand just how knackering and emotional the late stages of pregnancy are. Yes you arranged this ages ago, but you didn't know how you were going to be- it's not your fault, we all have images of us sat there with a cute bump, resting with feet up. In reality it's usually exhausting, painful, we're tense and apprehensive, prone to tears, and nothing is clean or ready enough!

If they are your friends, they will understand if yo explain just how stressed out you are, and how you really need to rest and focus on the baby and the birth. Why not reschedule for a few weeks time? they're probably only doing it to meet the baby anyway, and by then you'll be a bit more established and confident.

It's selfish imo to expect to be there minutes after the birth (or even when you're in labour) That's your special time with your new baby and your dp, it's important bonding time and you won't get it back. You want a calm, clean house when you get back with the baby, you don't want houseguests straight away.

You're likely to be sat there with leaky sore boobs, leaky sore bits, and the inevitable fifth day baby blues, making your initial mistakes etc- having childless friends there who just want to coo over the baby (but not change him) won't help you one bit. Now if they are experienced with kids and would feed you, clean the house, fetch you drinks and take the baby while you sleep etc, that's different...

We had mil here from 1 hour after I got back from hospital, for almost ten days. There was no time for US as a family to sit down with our newborn and just get to know him, and every time I tried to bf I had to do it upstairs alone or with her eyes on me. I'd never have anyone to stay around a birth again. Be selfish, it's your labour! Hope everything goes smoothly for you.

Thank you James & the Giant Banana. Friend 1 is arriving shortly but friend II is going to stay elsehwere but nearby for a few days. Not ideal but I feel much less pressurised now.