Planning ahead when pregnant but too early to say

[Band3benefits]

I found out at the weekend after TTC baby 2 for around 3 years that we have conceived naturally, which is a bit of a shock as we were about to start fertility treatment next month.

still very early days, and hard to be exact as I have PCOS. obviously concerned about risk of miscarriage too.

we have only told two very close friends and we will not be telling our parents until we have had a scan towards mid/end March. Both sets of parents have a history of betraying trust and telling their friends when we were going through fertility treatment with our little boy a few years ago.

BIL is getting married in April 26. In laws already want to book rooms at the venue, however we are unsure whether to commit- the wedding is 2.5 hours away (and we live closest out of anyone!) and on a Friday in half term. The day part of the wedding is child free and having scoped out before we knew we were pregnant, this also applies to babes in arms.children welcome later on. If this pregnancy works out we will have a 4 year old and a 6 month old.

our original plan was to try find someone on my side to have our 4 year old (tricky with it being a Friday in half term!!) but now we are thrown with this one. I won’t be leaving a young baby and staying overnight so far away, and plan to exclusively breastfeed.

there is a wedding nanny apparently and I would be happy to use the service but I’ve no idea how much this would cost or how to enquire, without them all finding out!

WWYD? I’m not sure they will hold out on booking rooms for much longer and this trivial thing is stressing me out.

there will likely be other situations (eg in laws want an anniversary party, initially planned mid sept. They’ve told us tonight they are thinking of moving it a couple of weeks which would be around my due date! It’s a couple of hours drive).

generally what do you do when people want to make plans but you can’t commit?

PFB was born during Covid so didn’t have this issue haha.

well done if you have got to the end 😂

Make an excuse why you don't want to stay at the venue then sort your own arrangements nearer the time? I'd go and either use the nanny service or alternate one of you being there for half of it, then the other? They might budge on the babies in arms things once they know?

Congratulations!

I would only tell them when you want to. Do not feel pressured because of a wedding or party. Just put off booking or I am sure with so much notice you can always change the booking. I personally think that no babes in arms is ridiculous but there's no point stressing about it now. Early pregnancy is stressful enough without worrying about something in over a years time.

Thanks both of you- the accommodation elsewhere is a good shout (not much round it but sure we would find something)

in laws are likely to book rooms for all siblings and we would then owe them the money. From what you’ve both said I think I need to just park this whole thing for now and revisit it. Worst case they buy a room and we then offer it to someone else right?

I completely understood no children, even though it’s a logistical nightmare for us because it’s on a Friday and half term, but no babies I can’t get my head round tbh. Maybe they’ll move on that when we (hopefully!) announce our good news to them

I'd just agree to go tbh.

If your OH will want to be at his sibling's wedding the he'll need a room.

Then you have the option of joining with your baby but skipping the child free part or skipping the whole thing and your OH goes on his own.

If you do decide to go a room at the venue will be much easier so I wouldn't book elsewhere unless you and DH would definitely not want him to go solo.

If you choose to go and stay in the room with your LO for the first part it will be much easier on you and DH to be in the same building too.

Congratulations.

This makes much more logical sense than my tired hormonal brain at the moment!

you’re right- he won’t be missing his sibling’s wedding so even if I end up staying home with the kids or in the room with one or both of them through the day, my husband is going to need a room isn’t he!

We can sort the child logistics at a later stage and before we have to confirm actual meal attendance to them.

I am overthinking everything at the moment, still in shock that we haven’t needed our treatment I think

They might relax the baby in arms for close family? And if they don’t then you could stay in the hotel room, or wander with the children for the first part? Then join in when children are allowed.