Very anxious about pregnancy

[BrightLilacCat]

I got a faint positive on Wednesday at 9DPO and I’m currently just over 4 weeks. It’s my first pregnancy and I’m 38. It’s very welcome but a complete shock as I was told the likelihood of me conceiving naturally was very low.

I’m feeling very anxious about the possibility of a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage and wish I could just fast forward. Unfortunately so many of my friends have experienced miscarriages so I’ve almost got myself in the mindset that it’s going to happen to me too. Every time I go to the loo and wipe I’m concerned I’m going to see blood. I haven’t been sleeping well either which probably isn’t helping.

Does anyone have any tips to get through these early weeks to the 12 week scan? I feel like I’m driving myself mad with worry!

The first trimester is the worst as you are basically on your own - no booking in appt till at least 8 or 9 weeks, no scan as standard until 12 weeks.
No-one to even confirm your pregnancy and your brain goes into overdrive questioning and second guessing everything.

There isn't an easy way unfortunately, all you can do is try and keep your mind occupied and stay busy and hope the time passes quickly.

I had my first at 37 and pregnant again now at 42.
Congratulations to you and wishing you the best

I’m currently 12 weeks, after an early miscarriage last year. The best advice I was given was to say to myself ‘today, I’m pregnant’. I sympathise - it’s a horrible feeling. I had a private scan at 8 weeks, which reassured me for all of 24 hours. The days where I didn’t feel sick or have sore boobs were the worst, I couldn’t help but think the worst. It is quite lonely too, because you are just waiting! Wishing you all the best.

@BrightLilacCat 100%, I came here to say this! "Today, I am pregnant" is the best way of thinking about it.

On rough days, I found this miscarriage odds reassurer calculator thing took the edge off the worry. I'm nearly 19 weeks and still use it. 😊 https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer

Fingers crossed for you and your little one 🤞🏼🍀❤️

Thank you for your replies. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in how I’m feeling if nothing else. It’s quite lonely because apart from my husband and a good friend no one knows I’m pregnant. My husband is super positive yet my friend has experienced multiple miscarriages and has told me not to get too excited and prepare for the worst. Other than sore boobs (which was what made me do a pregnancy test) I have no other symptoms to reassure that I’m actually pregnant.

Thinking ‘today, I’m pregnant’ is very useful. I think that might become my mantra for the next couple of months!

I did consider booking a private scan at 8 weeks however as you say @TinkRose I think that’d reassure me only briefly before I start to worry again. I’ll see how I feel nearer the time.

@OptimisticRealist2024 thank you for sharing that calculator.

I had this anxiety too. The first trimester is hard. You need to keep yourself busy and remember that it is out of your control. I wouldn’t recommend a reassurance scan as there are posts on here all the time that they’ve actually made the anxiety worse because the dates are out. Fingers crossed for you.

I would book a reassurance scan for 8 weeks.

I read this on Tommy’s:
One research study of more than 300 women with a history of recurrent miscarriage showed that those who saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks of pregnancy had a 78% chance of the pregnancy continuing. It also showed that seeing a heartbeat at 8 weeks increased the chance of a continuing pregnancy to 98% and at 10 weeks that went up to 99.4%.

Yes- of course things can always go wrong, but having a 98% chance of a continuing pregnancy might feel like a high enough threshold to get you to your 12/13 week scan with less anxiety.

As someone else said, I wouldn’t got for a 6 week one. You see so many people on here getting themselves tied up in knots when the measurements are slightly out and I think it can give more anxiety than reassurance at that stage.

Thank you for the advice on reassurance scans @User79853257976 and @Groundhogday2025.

The 98% statistic at 8 weeks probably would help me feel less anxious. I think will book one nearer the time. I think part of my anxiety is that I’m travelling for work on my own in Europe when I’ll be late in week 8. I’m already anxious about what I’d do if something went wrong when I was there alone. A scan beforehand would probably help put my mind at ease. I’m also travelling in the UK during week 5 but I’ll be with a couple of colleagues and able to get home if I needed to. On the other hand I’m also panicking about what pregnancy symptoms I’ll have and how that is going to work when travelling for work! I’m just a bundle of nerves!

Thank you for all the advice. It’s good just to get this off my mind and get the opinion of others. It’s helping me not feel quite as alone. Thank you.

I had my first pregnancy last year at 39 and spent the first few weeks so nervous. I did use the miscarriage odds calculator that a PP linked but in general remember that every day you are still pregnant, the odds of making it to the end of the pregnancy successfully improve. So it's not even just today you are still pregnant but it's more likely that you will still be pregnant tomorrow than it was yesterday, if that makes sense!! But also you just have to wait and you have to remind yourself that if this pregnancy is viable then it will be okay and if it isn't okay, that is because it was never going to be. You can't make it happen by being anxious so you might as well try to relax and be excited because if you do miscarry there's plenty of time to be sad then.

That was a lot of different thoughts but hopefully they make sense. I really do relate. But my three and a half month old baby is asleep on me right now! 💕

Wait I was 38 not 39... I'm 39 now haha

Hi @BrightLilacCat I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious, like others have said the first trimester is a weird limbo land and it’s common to worry. It is the worst of all the trimesters I think! I’m coming at this from a slightly different perspective of two MMC and two (so far) healthy pregnancies. ‘Today I am pregnant’ is a great mantra and I found it very helpful. But the other thing (and it’s a bit odd so do ignore if not helpful for you) is that actually, even if it does all go wrong, it’s ok. You will be ok. It sounds strange but it really helped me with this pregnancy after two quite difficult losses - obviously nobody wants to miscarry but I sometimes think the fear of it can be totally overwhelming, and taking the sting out of that fear and reframing the ‘worst case’ can help. But the chances are very high that this pregnancy goes smoothly. The chances you have a healthy baby, even if something goes wrong this time, are even higher. Sit tight, distract yourself as best you can, and try not to let the fear of what might happen take away from the good things which are happening. Easier said than done I know though.

Thank you @malimoon and @HerbaceousPerennial. All very helpful advice. I’m feeling a bit less anxious today with a day in the office to keep me busy and distract me. Still have the sore boobs but no other symptoms so far.

I was told at 21 that it was unlikely that I’d conceive naturally and worried about that for nearly 20 years. To my complete surprise I get a positive test this month and my worry has immediately shifted to the risk of miscarriage. Our emotions are strange things!

Congratulations on your baby @malimoon. I’m hoping that’s me this time next year. 😊