"You don't seem maternal at all"

[Obviouslynotobviousmum]

Name changed for this. Feeling pretty flat.

It was my last day at work before breaking up for maternity leave today. I've kept my pregnancy fairly quiet and didn't "announce" it at work, just when it came up in conversation, though as I am 35 weeks now it's pretty obvious. I had a missed miscarriage in 2023 which had complications that lasted for a few months. Because of this, I've felt quite anxious with this pregnancy. A few people at work know about my miscarriage, but not many.

Someone at work, not a direct colleague; we work in different departments, said to me today that she was "really surprised when I found out you were pregnant, because you really don't seem maternal at all!".

I didn't really know what to say to that. I just laughed it off, but I found it quite hurtful. Do I give off baby hating vibes? Am I going to be a terrible mother because this relative stranger, who I've probably had about 10 work related conversations with in the last year, thinks I don't seem maternal?

How do you even seem maternal at work??

Has anyone else had any similar comments from anyone?

I know I should just brush this comment off, but it's got under my skin a little bit tbh.

I remember someone saying this to me when I was pregnant with my first feels a long time ago now. I was pretty bemused at the time, but I think now she was reflecting on herself. I always saw myself as very maternal babies, dollies etc. But in a work environment it's different. I also don't do baby showers but that's because of previous losses and anxiety. But also because I don't like the idea myself. I don't want to find out the sex either and got accused of being cold. Just remember you can never win!

Oh give it no thought at all - how on earth can they tell from your work-self what you will be like with your own child.

I've got 2 kids that I absolutely adore. I quite like my friends kids and will happily sit and chat to them, I have no problem with babies - BUT - I bet in a work situation I wouldn't come across as maternal, because if someone brings their baby/child in, the last thing I'm going to do is go and coo over it. Not because I don't like them, but because I realise that having a load of strange adults getting in your face would be terrifying.

What a weird and rude thing to say. Ignore it OP. Who knows whether the comment came from jealousy or spite or just weirdness. I wish people would think before saying such stupid things.

Take no notice. Probably jealous.

Don’t worry about it @Obviouslynotobviousmum , I was the least maternal person you could find , always in mud with my horses and not remotely interested in children . I had 2 , I really enjoyed being a mum and my children are now adults who will happily say that I’m their favourite person ever . Hope it all goes well .

I wouldn't worry about it. People say all sorts of things. And it obviously has no reflection on whether you'd be a good mother or not.

I actually said similar to a good friend but we are very frank and upfront with each other and neither of us mind that. She just agreed with me! She was (is!) a wonderful mother to her child when it arrived but just wasn't (and still isn't) particularly interested in other people's kids!

Jesus Christ, she's got some front. Rude bitch.

@Obviouslynotobviousmum pay them no heed. I could have written this post myself - I had a traumatic loss in my first pregnancy and spend the second being anxious and honestly didn't prepare much before hand in terms of buying things - never went to the store to play mummy and look at all the baby things, just bought a few essentials online. I've also never been a 'maternal' person. Honestly I didn't even like babies particularly, and certainly never had much interest in other people's (they sensed my unease and instantly cried if handed to me). I don't think people would describe me as one of those warm, cuddly, 'natural' mums. But honestly my little boy is just turning one and so far (if I do blow my own trumpet) I'm smashing being a mum and I am now a big baby fan. Turns out I'm very maternal , who knew?!😂

The fact even I didn't realise I was maternal prior to giving birth makes me assume that the opinion of some random from your office means absolutely nothing, and they can take their opinion and flush it down the loo.