Struggling Mentally - 9 weeks

[Oli16]

I’m 9 weeks expecting first baby and really not feeling positive or excited that I’m having my first pregnancy. Symptoms have mainly been just feeling exhausted but the worse symptom has been basically feeling depressed and upset.

I’m feeling guilt around how I’m feeling so blue about being pregnant and have started seeing a counsellor to talk through feelings. I decided to keep the pregnancy as was really unsure as was so upset since I found out (it was planned, it just happened very quickly!)

Not sure why I’m posting I just feel really down all the time and want to feel excited about buying cute outfits, planning a baby shower and writing down name ideas. My partner is excited and can’t wait for the baby but I honestly just feel so down like my whole life and career is going to disappear.

is this a strong indicator that perhaps I’m not ready? Or has anyone else felt similar. :(

I'm sure it is not anything at all to do with not being ready, and everything to do with hormones! Tell your midwife, I found them so supportive during pregnancy and they have seen and heard it all. The beginning bit when you are mentally adjusting to being pregnant, your body is changing, you're full of hormones and you feel absolutely dreadful is really tough!

Hi @Oli16 I’m so glad I came across your post tonight, I really needed to hear this from somebody else. I’m 6 weeks and feeling exactly how you are. My pregnancy was planned and it’s my first baby and I’m very overwhelmed crying everyday. I feel guilty too! I keep thinking I’m not strong enough, I might not bond with my baby and I’m feeling very down and guilty about it. It’s really hard. It must be our hormones. I was sooo excited to get pregnant but not I am i am so overwhelmed and feel sick! Look after yourself 🩵

I felt exactly the same, same circumstances. Planned but happened so fast.
My baby is 8 months now and believe me life does not end, it is just different. It won’t feel like it but you will absolutely not be able to imagine your little person not being there, once they are here :)
I spent my whole pregnancy feeling sad, anxious, depressed, dreading what lay ahead, thought my life was over, I had a few pangs of tiny excitement right at the end but that was it.
I didn’t feel that massive ‘rush’ of love when he was born and not until the past few months tbh. It’s all normal.
Hormones will be playing a huge part too, they wreak havoc!!

Thanks for your nice messages, all of you! I think all my symptoms are suggesting I am experiencing some level of depression which has been an issue in the past but really not to this extreme!

I want to look forward so much to having this baby and get excited for a new chapter in my life but feel so sad that I am down and feeling empty all the time.

looking into some local therapists / counsellors that might support someone going through pregnancy / mental struggles.

Was reassuring to read I’m not the only one that’s experienced similar feelings thank you

I hear you! I am dealing with the same. Even though I have been surrounded by people who are dealing with infertility and miscarriages, I have to remind myself to be grateful that I am able to conceive naturally and very quickly. It's just your hormones all over the place. Some days I feel unbelievably low/miserable but I wouldn't be able to tell you why. I do think some counselling/therapy may help. Maybe even just talking to a friend or family member about how you feel. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon!

@Oli16 I am sorry to hear how you are feeling. Even when it’s planned it a big life change so feeling anxious and worried is normal. If you feel this is much more than manageable defo speak with your midwife. They can refer you to you local perinatal mental health team who specialise supporting women through and after pregnancy. I was pregnant and struggled massively much like you are describing and was referred to my local team for support. I know some of it was hormonal but I wasn’t coping. I would also recommend discussing with your GP as there could be other medicine or support available for depression during your pregnancy. Wishing you all the best x

im sure it will be ok.. im in the same boat.. trying..

It’s a huge shift and hormones are crazy, it’s ok to be feeling all you’re feeling. I found first trimester so difficult - the most depressed I’ve ever been, some days couldn’t see the point in anything etc. This pregnancy followed a miscarriage which I think contributed to not being able to be excited. Felt very guilty for being so low as well, but all I can say is it does get better- the further along you go the more connected to baby you’ll feel. Definitely tell your midwife how you’re feeling and ask for a mental health referral - they’re really conscious if mums mental health these days and you should be given more support. I’m 23 weeks now and all of those low feelings are gone, and I’m back to my normal self & getting gently excited. I’m saying that as I hope it gives you a bit of hope that the light will come ❤️ be kind to yourself, if all you manage in a day is having a shower & getting dressed then that is a real achievement. It’s also the worst time of the year for blues with all the grey gloom so really go easy on yourself, try to do nice/treaty things when you can & get outside even just for 5 mins each day. Just remember that every day you’ve grown the baby and you’ve achieved something amazing!

Thanks so much for your kind message - was nice to read :)

had a few ‘up’ days and returned back to work which has lifted my spirits (no longer sat stewing inside the house)

however up mood has been quickly replaced with sad mood after a conversation with my Mother who is asking “why hasn’t your partner asked you to marry him yet?” And that she “feels for me” as I’m not married before having children. Feel so flat and upset today. My partner and me have been together nearly 5 years and just bought our first house together - we’re nervous but excited about new baby arriving and always discuss getting married. Baby just happened to pop up first!

feel very sad my own mother is being off with me and creating this narrative that my partner is not great as he hasn’t proposed yet.

hormones along with tricky family situation is making my first trimester really rubbish!