Baby shower with dysfunctional family

[taylor2233]

Me and my partner are expecting our first baby in May, and we wanted to have a ‘baby get together’ with the whole family and a few friends at a venue to celebrate the baby before his arrival.

One problem is that my dad does not get along with my auntie and my cousins. I’m close to all of them and I wouldn’t be able to pick between them. Both would be upset if they weren’t invited.

I would love to think that they’d just stay out of eachothers way for the sake of a few hours, but the fact is that it would probably all end in tears and heated arguments.

I really want to celebrate our new arrival, but the anxiety is making me feel like I shouldn’t bother, which is a shame. An alternative is that I have a ‘girls only’ baby shower but we really would like to include everybody.

How have you navigated these kinds of occasions with families that don’t get along?

It sounds like your dad is the instigator of the arguments. I’d tell him normally these are events for the female friends and family, but you’d like to do both genders, but the thing holding you back from this, is him causing a scene at the event. I’d tell him he risks missing out on family occasions with his soon to be born grandchild if he continues ‘making a scene’ at family events.

(this advice based on if your dad is being unreasonable, obviously if your aunt is a nightmare then you will have to exclude her)

You want to celebrate the arrival of your baby, before it's happened?

You don't throw your own baby shower.....

Says who? Where’s the rulebook? I never said I’m not getting help throwing it, but either way it’s irrelevant to what I’m asking…

I wouldn’t bother having one, just not worth the hassle to you. If you do have one, just invite the ladies, I didn’t know that men were invited to baby showers I thought they were female only,

I’ve been to a few baby showers and there have never been any men there.

If you half the guests, you half the people you can summon gifts from.

Yes? I don’t want to bring baby around loads of people at a big party once he’s here. A baby shower is a nice excuse for everybody to get together and celebrate.

Exactly, until that baby is in your arms there’s nothing to celebrate.

Celebrate what?

Mumsnet hates baby showers OP so you’ll get a lot of comments like this! Back in the real world they’re pretty common (no I didn’t have one but don’t begrudge people that did).

OP, honestly, I wouldn’t do it.

You can’t celebrate a baby before it’s safely in your arms and then to add to that, you have a family that don’t get along.

I would wait until baby is here but if you want to go ahead, I would be ready for it to end up not being about you.

Just don't do it. Easy. WTF is a baby get together anyway?

Why do you want to do this? Can’t you just see all these family members individually? If it’s going to make you feel anxious definitely don’t even consider doing it.

Just don’t do it. Baby showers are the height of grabby, low-rent naffness and people generally hate them. Just look at MN posts to get the zeitgeist.

Much easier to not bother.

Just don't have one.

I find it a very strange concept to celebrate a baby before they have arrived safely anyway - especially since I went to one a few years ago and the baby was stillborn a matter of days later. Just horrific.

I'd sooner do some small low key 'events' with my favourite people if I felt I needed to do anything at all (I don't)..... lunch with your dad maybe, afternoon tea with aunts and cousins etc.

Just to add as well, the baby showers I've been to have been for the girls and the gays - I've never known anyone's dad to be there

Thank you for the kind reply. I guess I just thought itd be easier to have everyone in the same place at the same time and a good opportunity/excuse for everybody to get together (although in hindsight, it’s definitely not with a dysfunctional family). My family/friends are quite keen on doing something, so more individualised low-key events are what I’ll opt for as you say :)

Appreciate the replies, understand that these events aren’t for everyone, was just wanting peoples experiences on how they’ve handled such situations. All sorted now :)

I’m not understanding everyone’s hate towards baby showers?

I’ve attended a few and loved them. Every one I have been to has been female only though.

Maybe have a get together with all the females in your family for a baby shower and then go out for a meal or afternoon tea with your dad to celebrate? In my experience men aren’t really fussed about baby showers, but then everyone is different! Enjoy whatever you choose to do xx

Thank you for your kind reply xx

You’re getting an unnecessarily hard time here OP cos baby showers before a baby has arrived are perfectly normal in my group of friends. Rarely are family invited (but that’s mostly cos we all live in London & most families members are far flung), and as another PP said, it’s usually just the girls & the gays, no other men in attendance.

If your key family members are unable to get over themselves enough to celebrate you & your impending addition to the fam, then maybe splitting them is the best option?

The hate for baby showers on here is so bizarre, I don't know any people like this in real life! It's a nice idea to have a get together before you won't have the time to do much socialising after.

And not being allowed to celebrate until the baby is here, a bit too handmaids tale. Hope it all works out for you OP!

Just don't have a baby shower

It's unnecessary and sounds complicated

I've been to three baby showers in my life. 2 were females only and 1 was mixed sex with both parents-to-be present (it wasn't actually marketed as a shower though, more that the couple wanted to see all their friends before they'd get too busy to socialise).

I've enjoyed every shower I've attended. I don't think there needs to be any rules about who you invite or how you do it. I don't want one for me personally, because until the baby is in my arms I don't want to "celebrate" (I've been cynical the whole pregnancy so far that something will go wrong - maybe I'll chill out next week after my 20 week scan!). But I don't begrudge others who host them, and I don't get why so many posters here are responding to you like you've suggested something completely ridiculous - they're fairly common!

That said, it doesn't sound like it's likely to be a pleasant experience for you, so I think suggestions made by a PP about having a few little catch ups with individual social groups would be a lot less stressful.