Unplanned 3rd pregnancy?!

[Tjb1923]

Hello,

Found out I am 18 weeks pregnant two days ago, completely unexpected, unplanned and whilst using contraception!!

I am feeling completely hopeless, how can I be a good parent to 3 children? (6, 1 and a newborn?)

Will this feeling go away? I’m just feeling so upset, how did I not know sooner? Will I cope? How will the dynamics change?

Two feels so manageable, but three I feel is completely out my depth and I’m quite frankly scared!!

Help please!!!

I was you in 2009. My boys are now 19, 16 and 14. Twenty months between 2 and 3. It cemented me as a boy mum!

I get the shock, and the resignation that your options are limited because of when you found out. I was about 17 weeks when I found out, had taken the MAP.

It will all be ok. Eventually. And each child brings their own stuff to the party. It's expensive. Our 3rd meant a double pushchair, a new car, a bigger house! And for me a much slower return to work (just seemed impossible to do much more than part time WFH for many years). I think I also suffered from PND...

Current stuff that is a pain - holidays/hotels. Sharing bedrooms - cute when they're little, not so much as teens. Don't assume that clothes can be handed down as they end up being different builds and/or eventually wearing the same kind of sizes.

BUT it just becomes the way your family looks. I like the heft of us being 5. I like being surrounded by 3 strapping teens. My third is a joy and has given us new parenting opportunities with his interests and sense of humour, and friendships. And it will be nice for your middle one to have a sibling close in age, the oldest spreads their wings, goes to school, etc and the younger two have each other.

It'll be ok, honestly x

It just all seems so much at the moment. I know we will figure it all out, I think because with the other two I’ve found out very early, finding out this late has thrown me completely!

I think because we had a 4 year age gap, it felt easy and now I’m wondering how do you cope with a nearly 2 year old and a newborn?

thankyou for your reply. I know it will be okay and we will manage and just go with it, but my god it’s scary! X

I have a 4 yo and 18 month and due in 4 months time. Unexpected DC3!! I’m here with ya

My third was planned but it's just lovely having so many kids. You'll find it will be easier as you know what you are doing.

As far as 'coping' I know I had to lower my standards quite a bit. I didn't have time to devote much of myself to my newborn, no waiting for his nap to finish if I had a school run to do. Do you have family / friends nearby? Even just leaving my 2 when I went into labour was tough on the 1YO. Are you working?

Lowering my standards started early with the third... because I didn't know I was pregnant I didn't take any folic acid, had missed some of the antenatal checks and tests...I had a couple of nights out with friends, drinking vodka.

But he was fine, I was lucky.

How are you feeling physically?

Yes that’s like my daughter (1) she just slotted in to our already routine, so I’m hoping this one is the same! My mums about 30 mins away but can only help every so often due to caring responsibilities of my dad, he had a stroke.

my partners family are 5 mins away, but have never bothered unless the odd school run.

I think I’m just thinking far too much into it and in turn making myself panic! X

I feel fine, no symptoms really apart from sore boobs and being really tired! I’m guessing due to my iron dropping as it’s happened in both pregnancies to the point of non existence. Hoping the midwife rings me soon and can put me at ease!

How do you feel?! It’s quite a shock isn’t it!

@Tjb1923 sending you big hugs... Not entirely the same but I also have been sprung with a surprise pregnancy. It took us years and years of IVF and a small fortune to have our DD... And here I am preggo naturally.
Feeling VERY overwhelmed as I've just started a new job in December so still on probation and dreading having to deal with a messy work situation now too. I'd given away most of the baby kit and we moved house last year, not at all set up for another one.
I'm going between numb and freaking out

@Mummyindublin big hugs back to you!!

I know how you feel, we moved in June last year, luckily the majority of stuff we put into storage, so hopefully it’s a girl if not, then we need to buy all new clothes!

I think it’s normal to panic in every pregnancy, but when it’s not planned it’s a whole different level of panic!

you don’t have to let them know until 15 weeks before your due! I left it as long as possible with my first to tell my employer as I’d just started and in probation! Hope they are very supportive for you x

Oh Op, it's going to be ok!
I was always content with two children and planned on sticking with that. I could never see us being a family of 5 and I liked the fact we were over the baby stage with our youngest and I could start focusing on my career. Last year I found out I was pregnant and had a complete meltdown. It was our own fault, we weren't careful but it was still a shock and absolutely not planned. I decided to keep the baby and initially it was a difficult pregnancy coming to terms with everything. I had the same thoughts as you, how will we cope, how will this change the dynamic of our family, how can we afford it, our house isn't big enough etc.
Fast forward to now, baby girl was born 5 weeks ago and we are so in love with her. It is honestly like she was meant to be part of our family and whilst I'm absolutely exhausted and trying to work out how to establish a routine right now, she's a dream and I don't regret anything for a single second. Of course initially it's going to take some getting used to you will absolutely cope.

I think I'll be holding off as long as possible to tell them....as I frantically Google how to hid a bump 😂
Op, how are you feeling after the weekend? Have you started to tell people?

This happened to me in 2003 - my mirena failed and I was about 11 weeks when I found out I was pg with dd2 (I'd been telling dh for weeks that I thought something was up but we both dismissed it, mirena are better than sterilisation aren't they?).

When she was born, dd1 was 3y10m and ds was 22m. 3 under 4! It was hard going, not gonna lie. I had pnd and also a pregnancy related kidney problem that took a while to heal. But they grew up really close and I'm glad they were so close together, though it was a LOT of nappies as ds didn't take to potty training until he was over 3.

They're now 25, 23 and dd2 is 21. She's a beauty therapist with a fantastic job in a 5* spa, has a lovely boyfriend and is planning on buying a house this year. She has some dodgy tattoos but is otherwise amazing and though she was a surprise, she certainly wasn't a mistake and I couldn't love her more!