Hey ladies,
I wanted to vent and get some advice from other women and mums.
I don’t feel like I want to talk to anyone I know and sometimes better to talk to strangers.
so long story short and it’s a long one. I’ve been struggling with my partners alcoholism. It’s the only negative trait he has that’s toxic towards me and I know that almost sounds like an excuse and it is.
My partner isn’t abusive mentally or physically and hasn’t said one cruel word in the 4 years I’ve been with him however he is disrespectful towards me when it comes to his alcoholism and trust me I have tired to be non judgmental but there does come a point where I should be aloud to walk away!! I tell him my feelings countless times and it doesn’t do a thing.. I feel worthless. I’ve spoken about it To him and I’ve even considered that his addiction is bigger than my feelings and maybe it doesn’t matter how much I say it hurts it won’t change. I’ve tried to compromise and I’ve tried to be tough.
This doesn’t feel like a possibility.. if I say I don’t want this he doesn’t take it seriously, he doesn’t go. I don’t want him to go but I can’t do this anymore.
we share children together and I am currently pregnant now at 24 weeks!
4 days ago I made a decision that I don’t normally stick to and made my house a non alcohol zone. I was having to put up with the drinking through the evening even being aware that he was drinking before he comes home. Every evening feeling angry. Angry that my day could be turned upside down or now pregnant he couldn’t drive me to the hospital or be available to me.
Banning the alcohol from the house seems to have done nothing, he continues to drink outside the house and if not more because of “the ban”.
The other day I told him that I’m considering doing the pregnancy alone and I don’t want him at the scans or the appointments and the labour at this point. Yes I’m talking out of angry but I feel quite serious as well! I’ve had enough. How can I have someone come to these important appointments and moments when they don’t take my feelings seriously. Don’t respect my boundaries.
Ive had girls and this will be my first boy and I’ve even gone as far in my head as not having his surname. My girls will hopefully marry good men and take their names but a boy will carry a name!!
his brothers and dad have the name and my partner is nothing like them in morals and ways. Why would I want my son to carry a man’s name who he has no real connections to. It’s a sentimental thing for me.
I don’t know if this is all just deep resentment or anger.
Today I found out that he’s still drunk driving. I want to tell his boss I want to tell the police. I’m angry. He’s done it before and I’ve told him it’s not on.
Hes driving 18 year old boys back and forth to work who are coming to work with him and they are all drinking in the car. My partner is 10 years older than them! What is he 18?
I feel embarrassed!! He should be setting an example.
Im trying really hard not to sound like little miss perfect! I’ve made a lot of mistakes in life but I take full accountability and fault and I try my hardest to correct myself!
My only option which doesn’t get taken seriously anyway is to separate. It pains me I don’t feel strong enough to walk.
im in pain with him and pain without
I want to message the mums of the boys, I want to message his boss I want to report the car to the police but if I do all that I’ll feel regret. He could loose his job and then we have no money. I work but I don’t make enough money to hold us all together :”(
I just need to rant! I’ve sent him to the doctors he’s had the appointment they sent him a link… he won’t open a link and do anything!
They gave him a blood form he hasn’t had the bloods!