My LO turns 1 in a month and I’ve just had a BFP on a pregnancy test.

[BlueMamaBear]

We wanted 2 children, but the ideal age gap would have been 2-2.5 years, this will be 1 year and 8 months. I’m feeling really anxious about 2 under 2. Anyone got a similar age gap that can provide some reassurance??

Hi, firstly congratulations!
I have an 18 month gap between mine so I was pregnant again when my first was 9 months.
I absolutely love it.
Yes, it was hard in the early days and your toddler will be hitting a massive developmental phase just as your newborn comes along. You need to prep for this. I did lots of reading on how to ensure that the arrival of the newborn wouldn't rock her world too much - there's lots of great advice out there around this but things like 'don't blame the baby' i.e. I would not say 'mummy can't read that book to you now because I'm feeding the baby' etc. This link explains it:

https://www.goodto.com/family/family-news/genius-hack-to-prevent-sibling-rivalry

Now they are 2 and 3 and it's so wonderful to see their friendship. It's all I've ever known so I can't compare but to me it just gets easier all the time (but I don't ever say that to anyone as they're always straight in with 'just you wait...')!

That's exactly the age gap we had. Not planned, just happened. My children are now in their 30s but I do vividly remember those first few years. It was hard work, no point in pretending otherwise, but I wouldn't have it any different now. We settled on having just two children so once they were both out of nappies and sleeping through the night, life got a lot easier. I would have found it very difficult to go back to nappies/broken nights after a period without either. Better to get it out of the way in one go.

My children got on pretty well most of the time and have remained close as they've grown up. They played with a lot of the same toys, watched the same things, and so on, which wouldn't have happened with a wider age gap.

We had a daughter and then a son, but I think it would have been fine with two of the same sex as well. Personality matters more than sex, in my view.

Good luck!

Hi congratulations, I felt just like you, I'm 14 weeks now with DC2, DS is 1 on Friday, so they will be 18mths apart. I was terrified but alllll my friends and even near strangers have said 'oh definitely have them close together, so much easier!!' and I regularly have to hear how hard it is going back to the baby stage with a 2.5-4yo in tow... So I think we will be fine!! xx

I should probably say tho that I'm not as cheerful as all that in real life. Waiting to see my doctor as dh & I are fairly sure I've gone into mild depression since finding out. I'm slowly coming to accept and be positive about it tho and believing we will cope.

Do you have much childcare options / other practical support from friends and family?

The first few months were very hard (mine were 20 months apart) it felt relentless. It felt like a treadmill for feeding etc but once the baby could sit up and engage with the older one it was lovely.

The toddler kept the baby amused whilst I sorted washing or prepared food it was a big help. Once they are eating at the same time ie breakfast, lunch and tea it was so much better and their interactions were funny.

Good luck.

Congratulations to you too, I hope you work through this with a positive outcome!

We are lucky to have lots of support from my parents and siblings, and my LO has started at nursery 3 days a week in preparation for me going back to work…

I had 18 months between my first two. Honestly it was great. By the time DC2 was 2/2.5 they just played together brilliantly. Obviously it's tiring but it's fine. Easier than having number 1 IMO because you know what you're doing now.

When you are new parents you are still in the mentality of rules and planning and ideals.

There is no ideal. There is no easier or harder gaps. It all fines down to characters, sleep patterns, inherent moods of dc. So many things that are beyond your control.

Just roll with it. It's all you can do.

I could have written this a few years ago, got a BFP right after my son’s first birthday. There is 20 months between them. It was chaos but lovely, they are best friends and sworn enemies! It’s a common age gap you will cope x

Not what you planned and it will be hard but this is great! You will get the baby/toddler stuff out the way much quicker. Will sting on nursery fees etc for a bit but you know it's temporary.
Congratulations!

Mine are 16 months apart - unplanned but as PP said you get the sleepless nights, nappies etc out of the way in one go and then it gets easier and easier.

My first two were 13m apart, then mý third came along very unexpectedly (I was on the mini pill!) 12 months after that... so three in two years and three months!!

Hectic but fine, and much easier than big gaps as they copied each other toilet training, going to preschool etc. Were were tired but happy! (and had a 4th 3 years after that!)

They grew up best friends :)