Am I a little too sensitive?

[Alchemist333]

Me & my partner have been TTC for 3 yrs. I met my 2 friends just before Christmas for a catch up. My two friends arrived before I did. I entered the cafe, hadn't even sat down or took my coat off... before a scan photo was (physically and literally) shoved in my face by let's call her friend B. At first, I didn't really understand what was going on so I said "what's this" to which friend B replied "me, I'm pregnant". Bit of context- my other friend, friend A had been TTC for the best part of 10yrs, had multiple IVF treatments which unfortunately failed but now has 2 beautiful children. Both of my friends were aware of my fertility journey. I even sat in friend B's kitchen crying about it all a few months before. I honestly could have walked out of the cafe. I felt it was really insensitive but instead I just said "I'm really happy for you but I haven't even taken my coat off or sat down. I'm abit gutted for myself the way you've done this". She said "why" and if I'm honest I felt like shaking her! Why?!?! It was almost as though she didn't know we'd been TTC for the last 3 years and I wasnt crying about it in her kitchen 2 months prior! She then proceeded to say how easy it was and they caught on the first time she ovulated without her coil. At this point I think you're really taking the biscuit. Friend B had told friend A before I got to the cafe and friend A said to me after that she knew I wouldn't take it well. She also knew how insensitive this topic was because of her own experience and she was disgusted with the way friend B approached the topic. Fast forward to now, middle of Jan. I haven't spoke to friend B because I can't bring myself to. I felt like her behaviour was really insensitive. This is going round my head everyday because at points I feel like I'm being too sensitive. I just wouldn't approach a conversation of that topic in the manner she did. Now, I don't know if I can even be her friend. I feel really disrespected. I am happy for her, I would never use my own experience to begrudge anyone of being happy and excited theyre pregnant. I just felt like she was literally rubbing it in my face. Opinions welcome :)

Definitely not too sensitive at all! She has been so insensitive. I went through fertility treatment for a while before getting pregnant and even people who hadn't been through it made sure to give me a heads up if there was going to be an upcoming announcement. This included in the extended family and also my boss gave me a heads up at work before a meeting where it was going to be announced. That's just a nice and decent thing to do. She could have sent you a text or something so you could have processed it first and then been more ready to see the scan photo in person.

Even when we have announced the pregnancy to close family and friends recently I would never have just put a picture of the scan in their face before they'd got their coat off even though we were excited and knew they would be, and that's without them having any fertility issues.

Honestly it sounds like you've actually handled this 'friend' really well. Definitely distance yourself if you need xx

Thank you for sharing your opinion. Really does put things into context when you mention about your close family & even workplace being sensitive towards this!

Honestly, some people just have no self awareness at all do they? The fact she still didn't get it when you spoke up and said something is crazy too!

You're not being oversensitive and she dealt with it awfully but you have to decide whether it's enough to lose the friendship completely or whether you want to move on from it.

I know two sisters that had a similar experience to this where one had been diagnosed with breast cancer right before her wedding (aged 30) and, long story short, she won't be able to try for children for 6 years min and may not conceive ever. She was and is absolutely devastated by this.
Her sister (4 months after her diagnosis) was in a group situation in the middle of a busy restaurant and shoved a card with scan photo at her infront of everyone.
The place fell silent and how sister A kept it together I will never know. I thought it was the most time deaf, insensitive and awkward thing i'd ever seen.

This is so insensitive. I have to wonder if your “friend” is completely lacking in empathy or what. I don’t blame you for not talking to her. I’ve also been through infertility and i don’t think I could face talking to someone who had been so downright cruel .

I don’t think your friend is really your friend. She is highly insensitive, and comes across as self centred and immature.

My SIL has been TTC since for almost 5 years and has never made a massive thing about it but I’m aware it upsets her, as you expect it would. I was so nervous telling her that we were expecting DC2 just before Christmas. We didn’t know how to do it, in the end up MIL told her and she was happy for us but I haven’t mentioned it since, she has mentioned the baby to us but unless she does I won’t. I am excited but I feel like her feelings need considered, as do yours. It’s really not difficult to be mindful of how you could make others feel.

I think doing the right thing by distancing yourself.

Not at all insensitive. I've just gone through IVF after 3 years of TTC and fortunately it's worked. My closest friend has recently learned she will never be able to have children. She knows of my experience of infertility but even then I was really nervous about telling her I was pregnant. In the end I texted her before I told any other friends so that if needed she wouldn't need to fake happiness or feel blind sided by it (she knew it was potentially happening as I'd told her IVF was on the cards). She was extremely positive and asked to see a scan photo. However even now I never instigate conversation about it (I'm 19 weeks), and we only discuss the pregnancy if she brings it up.

So no, you've not been insensitive, but your so-called friend has. And you could forgive the initial faux pas if she'd taken on board your reaction to having it thrown in your face (people do get caught up in the excitement), but the biggest issue is the lack of reflection afterwards and disregard for your feelings after you'd made them clear.

You're not overly sensitive OP. Infertility is bloody tough (5 years of it here) and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I've had the whole range of announcements from friends... the worst was definitely being suddenly told in person by one of my close friends, out of the blue, in a big group, with no prior warning.

I had spoken to her a lot over the years about infertility and how hard it all was, but it's like she just didn't consider there would be a connection between that and her own pregnancy.

I never spoke to her about it because I love her and I know she just lacks the awareness and would never intentionally hurt me. We all have our flaws. It was difficult, though.