Pregnancy is kicking my butt.

[LavanderHills]

Hi All,

This is my first time posting anything out on here after months of reading things on here when pregnant with my first which really helped me.

Just wanted to blow off a little steam really and see if anyone else feels they can relate or have their own experiences with steam they want to let off.

Pregnancy kicked my butt the first time around (I have a toddler) and we agreed we wanted a second but I stalled until now because of how hard I found it, although the worst time for me despite the difficulty I had with pregnancy, was the first three months post partum as DH had to work away so I was alone for the first few months (he would come back at weekends) and as I’m introverted the thought of baby groups stressed me out. Family support is minimal.

This time round I know it will be different as I won’t be alone (DH work is now local) but I’m still terrified because I really lost myself that first time round and with all the hormones I already feel like I’m not ‘me’ anymore most of the time.

I started to exercise a lot after my first and it helped me to ‘find myself’ again emotionally/mentally which I think gave me false hope that I would manage better this time around, but honestly if anything I feel worse this time.

I feel like my home is constantly messy and cluttered which is a stress trigger for me but between work, pregnancy fatigue, extreme nausea and a toddler I have no energy to sort it out or exercise anymore. Anyway that I can skip doing something just to sleep I do. But I don’t know if actually this is making things worse because now I feel low that all I do is work, sleep, and exist in a messy space in between. Emotions are at an all time high and motivation has hit rock bottom.

Just for an added fun note, I didn’t start to show with my first until quite late, but this time I look 20 weeks pregnant at 9 weeks… what gives?

Deep down I know it will be ok because I felt terrible the first time and survived and have a beautiful child as a result but when you’re struggling it’s just a hard thing to see, especially as you battle some serious hormone changes and feel like you’re in a possibly six week long torture period of norovirus.

All those pregnant mamas out there actively puking though I feel for you, for me, the nausea is horrific and I’ve lost a lot of weight as a result as I just can’t face eating anything, but I’ve not been puking, so I guess I should just be grateful for that (hopefully I don’t jinx it!)

It’s a strange one, because deep down the logical side of me is screaming at me to suck it up and really trying to push me to do the things that should and most likely will help me feel so much better; like socializing and exercising, but then the pregnant, tired, nauseous, hormonal, stressed me is just wallowing in self pity, anxiety and lack of motivation/energy to do anything about it to help myself. How can one person have such contradictory thoughts.. pregnancy might make some women glow but it brings out the worst in me!

I saw a video on social media the other day though which boosted my mood for a few hours.. a guy posted how he has two older children (I think ages 5 and 9 or something) and how he went on holiday and was able to sit by the pool with a cold beverage in the sunshine while they played, and he looked over at us toddler parents in the thick of it, and thought it does and did get a bit easier!

Thats not me wishing time away btw, its just me looking into the future, to a time where I can look back and see what all the rough times were for to get me to a happy place with my family..

To summarize; pregnancy is seriously kicking my butt big time! And if there’s anyone else out there struggling too, I’d love to read if you want to let off some steam aswell!

Pregnancy sucks, the first trimester especially! My body has kindly made me go through twice last year, both resulted in losses and as awful as they were there was relief to no longer be in the midst of all the pregnancy symptoms!

They can prescribe meds for sickness even if it's "only" nausea! So do speak to your GP if you are struggling!

Hi OP, I'm about the same as you (nearly 10 weeks) and I feel awful.

This was a much longed for pregnancy and took years to get here, but still, I'm finding it hard going. It's my first time, so I also don't know what to expect going forwards, I'm hoping it will get better but I am anxious!

I've heard that the first trimester is the hardest, and I've also read in a few places that 9 weeks is around when your body reaches the highest amount of hCG. So remember you are potentially at the worst point right now and try to go easy on yourself. I don't think it's helpful to scream at yourself to suck it up. Pregnancy can be hard and that's OK.

Personally, I have been mooching around the house for the last 4 days doing very little. I've just managed to get out for a walk this morning, which was amazing, but I couldn't have done it yesterday or the days before that. I just couldn't.

You just have to go with how your body feels, and if that involves staying inside and just trying to get cosy and comfortable, then let yourself do that. Don't beat yourself up, you've got enough going on, you're literally growing a human!

@LavanderHills, I'm so sorry you feel so rotten. I just think it doesn't help how much pregnancy is glamorised and touted as such a wonderful, miraculous time. I think we all acknowledge the miracle our bodies perform in creating a whole new life, but I also think there's a bit of a paradox in that the way we talk about it, because it creates this kind of pressure to also feel/embody it. The reality, though, is very different for many of us, which I think only adds to the sense of disappointment that we aren't all walking on air with a great big aura around us, as we then also grapple with feeling guilty for feeling like crap when we "should" be revelling in it. And then we minimise our own struggles by constantly trying to remind ourselves of how lucky we are.

In truth, I could have written something very similar myself... Second pregnancy here, 25 weeks along. DS is 7, and I wasn't sure I'd ever have another since I had severe HG with him. By some miracle, I didn't get HG this time, though I have still suffered with a bit of nausea and vomiting. The reflux has been debilitating this time round. I am constantly in pain because of the constipation, made worse by the SPD/PGP, which kicked in even earlier (from around 15 weeks), so I've been waddling ever since. I am beyond exhausted - as horrific as my pregnancy was with DS, I don't remember the fatigue being quite so crippling. Similar to you, I was an avid weightlifter, but had to stop all of that, thanks to the extreme tiredness. My home resembles a landfill and, again, like you, I feel like I am surviving rather than thriving...

Anyway, all of this is to say, I see you. You're not alone. Don't get swept up in the BS. Just try to take it day by day and remember that this is just not our season. Thankfully, though, seasons change, and we will eventually find ourselves on the other side of all of this.

On a practical note, agree with PP - there are things that the GP can prescribe if the nausea is debilitating (esp. If it's causing weight loss). Just go easy on yourself and don't set unrealistic expectations - pregnancy is a lot for the body to go through and while some may have an easier time of it than others, don't for one second, get sucked into the hype. You don't have to enjoy it or pretend that you do. You can be grateful while still making space to acknowledge your struggles - the two are not mutually exclusive.

Hang in there - brighter days are ahead 💖

Pregnancy sucks. Be kinder to yourself. If you need to sleep, sleep. You are growing a human being who is literally draining your resources. People talk about eating for two but you are living for two! That takes a lot of energy.
Hopefully it will get easier in many ways as it progresses, but if it continues to be rubbish, that’s okay. I have never bought into the “pregnancy isn’t an illness” philosophy. Pregnancy actually causes all kinds of illnesses for many women. You are doing great. You do not have to be superwoman, just keep on keeping on if it’s that kind of pregnancy.

Thank you all for being so kind, I’m grateful to be reminded that it’s not just me who feels this way! I have friends who have seemingly breezed through pregnancies and have said they even miss it and I just found that so hard to relate to as it just makes me wonder if I’m the problem. And the guilt from sounding or seeming ungrateful when we experience what we do really is an added weight on the shoulders, but I take comfort in that I’m not alone in this and it’s a very human response. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me 💜 (I will look into discussing the nausea at my next medical appointment and see what they say)

It really does doesn’t it! I’m sorry you have gone through this twice and then experienced losses, it must have taken a lot of strength to endure it twice in such a short space of time so I hope life finds a way to balance the suffering with a much deserved blessing, however that may be for you, soon if it hasn’t already ❤️‍🩹

@LavanderHills thank you! The second loss was only in December so still early days. Hopefully 2025 will be my year. If not I do already have a child and she was totally worth it but definitely around 6 weeks each time I do start questioning my judgement about putting myself through it again!
My mum hated pregnancy and I think that has helped as I've never had the rose tinted glasses view of it!

In the fullness of time it becomes an amusing story you tell about just how dreadful you felt and the ridiculous things you did. I lived off tinned peaches with my daughter with the second pregnancy it was cherry tomatoes and sticks of celery. In the meantime the day are long and the minutes too but you'll get through it!

I’m now 25 weeks along (I also have a toddler) and the first trimester is the worst.

However your comment about norovirus is what I said the other day. On New Year’s Day I had a sickness bug (or norovirus who knows) and after half a day of continuously being sick I said if anyone wants to know what morning sickness is like it’s like having the sickness bug. Obviously morning sickness is a sliding scale from 1-2 times to HG I’m only talking about my experience of being mild/moderate. In this pregnancy at 9 weeks pregnant I was being sick the whole day due to morning sickness and wondering when the end point was. I couldn’t look after DS, I was just in bed and running to the bathroom the whole day. Well the sickness bug took me right back to that moment and I thought I’m so thankful that I’m out of the first trimester.

I have struggled more in this pregnancy than my last. With my last the first trimester was very hard but by 15-16 weeks I had stopped being sick, the iron tablets helped me to have energy again, and in general I felt healthy. This time though I have been ill for more weeks than I have been well. My toddler brings home all the colds/bugs, passes them to me and then recovers within 3-4 days. Meanwhile I have them for weeks and I feel awful. He gave me a bad cold on Xmas Eve and I’m still recovering now, I think im finally improving though.

Honestly it’s so hard isn’t it!! And then with a toddler on top of it needing so much attention and bringing all the bugs back from nursery, it’s a new illness each week with little downtime between them!! It definitely has made it harder this time around!! I hope you get better soon and manage to avoid any new colds for a little while! ❤️‍🩹

I hope things get easier for you. I have been having a very rough first trimester. Every time I start feeling sorry for myself, I remind myself that having these symptoms is a blessing. I have encountered four women on here so far who lost their symptoms and miscarried.. that's not to scare anybody who is currently expecting, but I would much rather have the nausea/vomitting/exhaustion knowing ill have a little baby at the end of it. I am now at 10 weeks and my symptoms have gotten alot better this week so I hope you all feel better soon!