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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Miscarried 9 months ago, now struggling to conceive 3rd baby

17 replies

Leeleee · 08/01/2025 14:14

I feel like I shouldn’t even be complaining as I know some people have such difficulties even conceiving for the first time or can’t at all and I should be grateful for having two healthy little boys (2.5 & 5yo) already, but I can’t help but feel sad about my situation. Last March at 34yo I found out unexpectedly that I was expecting our 3rd baby - I was in shock as I only came off the pill in the November (not to conceive but because I had continuous bleeding which was driving me insane!) so thought my body would take a while to adjust, also I had nowhere near the symptoms I had with my first two pregnancies. My husband was amazing and said it was great & a third child would be exciting. When I spoke to the midwife she said looking at my last period, I was around 11 weeks! I hadn’t thought my period not showing up was down to pregnancy but stopping the pill and maybe I had gone from constant bleeding to a long wait until my next bleed. Anyway, I had hyperemesis with my other 2 pregnancies, by around 8 weeks, so I expressed to my MW that I was concerned o don’t really have major symptoms, apart from a slight nausea in the mornings and feeling tired. She reassured me that all pregnancies are different and perhaps this time I was having a girl. But I couldn’t help but feel like something wasn’t right. That same day, by the evening I started spotting brown blood, by the next day it was pink. I went into the early pregnancy unit, they checked my cervix and said it was open, checked my hcg levels and asked me to come back the next day. Of course the bleeding increased and my hcg levels dropped day by day until I went on to have a full miscarriage right on Mothers Day of all days. It was a very traumatising experience, I couldn’t believe how similar the pain was to both my labours. But I really struggled to let go. I had to keep going back to the early pregnancy unit for more blood tests to make sure the hcg had dropped - this was hard, because, stupid I know, I kept hoping it would go up! All of this happened on the space of 2 weeks - found out I was expecting, went for my first appointment and booked in for my scan, miscarried. But it made me realise how much I wanted this child ;( … I hadn’t even been planning it or thought about it, but I only just discovered this blessing & just as I was getting used to it and excited, it was taken away from me. I started to blame myself because I didn’t even realise I was pregnant, had I been eating the wrong things? I had drank wine on a few occasions, done vigorous training! Was the miscarriage my fault! I grieved but then hoped I could conceive again pretty much right away to fill this emptiness I now had. For about 4 months, I thought about the miscarriage everyday, then eventually I accepted that it just wasn’t our time. Fast forward to now, January 2025, this whole time we have not used any contraception whatsoever and have said that if it happens it happens, but lately I have started wondering how I haven’t conceived again, considering how active we are (literally the same as before baby 2 and 1!) I really thought this month that it had happened - I had nausea, severe fatigue, heightened sense of smell, light headed now and again and VERY emotional; my eldest asked if we could have a new baby; my Nanna asked me yesterday if I think I’ll have anymore, my husband even made a little joke about baby no.3 - only for my period to start today! I honestly felt so sad & disappointed when I realised (I don’t know if it’s because it’s nearing 1 year since discovering my last pregnancy) I would really really like to have a third baby, more than anything, but now I’m wondering if that miscarriage has caused me to become less fertile, or if it’s because I’m 35. I literally didn’t even try or think about conception with my first 2, or last year’s pregnancy, it just happened - why isn’t it just happening now? After 9 months of not being careful? Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

OP posts:
ImHopeful2023 · 08/01/2025 23:10

Im sorry to hear about your miscarriage I had one last September and we have tried twice since and failed to get pregnant we always got pregnant straight away before but I believe everything happens for a reason. I have had a total of three miscarriages now and am so happy to have my rainbow baby she is now 19 months I had two before her and own after her. I'm nearly 41 now and worried it won't happen for us the epu and my go said after six months of not getting pregnant they would need to refer me for further tests maybe you need to go for this?

Leeleee · 09/01/2025 12:41

@ImHopeful2023 thank you. I am so sorry about your experience with miscarriages too :,( but I am so happy for you about your rainbow baby, hearing about rainbow babies does make me hopeful. I do think I might need to speak to my gp as I do find it strange it hasn’t just happened for me like in the past. I know they say it becomes a little slimmer in chance after 35 - I’m 35 now so it might be worth getting checked. I have never tracked ovulation before, so I am going to try that this cycle and get some ovulation tests, I have also made some changes to my diet this month and am taking Coq10 and a fertility supplement - I will give it 2 cycles, and if nothing, I will definitely speak to my gp :,(

OP posts:
Christwosheds · 09/01/2025 12:47

It’s not actually that long OP, it just feels like it as you’ve been dealing with loss and grief. As you’ve conceived easily twice before, it is probably just taking a little bit longer this time, there is unlikely to be any particular reason.
Sensible to get a basic check up in a few months if you aren’t pregnant by then, but really, it is most likely to be just your body readjusting, and the stress and sadness of your loss.

ImHopeful2023 · 09/01/2025 14:00

@Leeleee if it helps I had my rainbow baby at 39

Leeleee · 09/01/2025 14:04

@ImHopeful2023 it does help thank you, I’ll try to stay positive! I hope things work out for yourself too :)

OP posts:
Leeleee · 09/01/2025 14:07

@Christwosheds that makes me feel a lot better about the situation thank you. I just think it’s because I had seen so many stories of other women who had a loss but then conceived a couple months later, some the next cycle, so I was comparing myself and paranoid there is something wrong with me. But yes, when I think about it, you’re right - it’s not that long and yes my body probably has taken longer to recover and adjust.

OP posts:
Christwosheds · 09/01/2025 15:17

I know several people who were told they would never conceive naturally, one who then got pregnant twice at 40, another two who had ivf in their mid thirties after years of trying, and then got pregnant naturally in their forties, when not trying. Bodies do react to stress and pregnancy in particular . I know it’s so easy for someone else to say “don’t stress about it”, but if you can take the pressure off yourself and tell yourself it will happen at some point, then that might make everything easier.

Leeleee · 09/01/2025 18:45

@Christwosheds thats amazing! That makes me feel a lot more positive thank you :) I didn’t consider the stress - I have stressed quite a bit over the past few months so that makes sense - I’ll try to relax a bit more from now on… especially after what you have told me, It’s made me feel more positive about the whole thing, so thank you.

OP posts:
Jenroxy5 · 12/02/2025 06:52

Hi I think our situations are similar I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks in May 24 found out my last period would’ve been end of Feb. So almost a year since that. We’ve been actively trying since August 23 obviously took a few months for the baby we miscarried and then been trying since end of May 24 still no luck I’m 10dpo and all tests are stark negative so it’s so disheartening I totally feel your pain it’s so hard for me when people say 9 cycles trying isn’t much but each month is like another grieving sometimes and it’s so hard. I blame my body a lot I’ve been dieting and trying to workout take supplements from October we’ve been testing ovulation with every test under the sun and it’s just not happened. X

Leeleee · 13/02/2025 09:41

@Jenroxy5 ahhh I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage, yes your situation is very similar. It makes sense what one of the comments on my post said about the body healing etc - I know some women get pregnant again right away but some others just take longer. I know it’s easier said than done, but try to not stress about it and just keep actively trying but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I have just had a positive test - so hopefully you will get yours soon! I started taking COQ10 supplements after discovering them on YouTube - lots of women said positive things about taking them to help with conception (look it up and have a read about it) I also started on a conception vitamin - taking that and the COQ10 religiously since the start of January, completely cut out caffeine and added more protein to my diet - now the positive test. It may just be a coincidence but it could genuinely be those that helped! Maybe don’t over-exercise and make sure your diet is healthy - not restricted and minimal. I’ll be honest though, I do have a lot of anxiety now I’ve had a positive test - it’s literally a year since the last one and I’m scared of the same thing happening… I also suffered with severe hyperemesis with my first two, so I’m terrified of that starting if this one sticks (it’s likely it will start, usually around 6weeks) as they say if you have hyperemesis in previous pregnancies it’s likely to occur with the next.

OP posts:
ChaE05 · 05/12/2025 13:35

Hi @Leeleeesorry this is an old post! I am in the same situation and I am wondering if you managed to fall pregnant? I hope so 🙏 x

Leeleee · 05/12/2025 14:30

ChaE05
Hi! Ahh I’m sorry to hear that! Yes I did fall pregnant in Feb 2025 and had my baby girl 8 weeks ago! I hope the same can happen for you too! I definitely recommend the COQ10 and cutting caffein - but also have faith, relax and believe that it will happen for you when it’s supposed to, definitely do not stress about it :)

OP posts:
ChaE05 · 05/12/2025 15:03

Leeleee · 05/12/2025 14:30

ChaE05
Hi! Ahh I’m sorry to hear that! Yes I did fall pregnant in Feb 2025 and had my baby girl 8 weeks ago! I hope the same can happen for you too! I definitely recommend the COQ10 and cutting caffein - but also have faith, relax and believe that it will happen for you when it’s supposed to, definitely do not stress about it :)

Oh this is amazing to read! I'm SO happy for you. Congratulations on your little girl!And honestly, you have given me some hope today. Hope that I had last the last few months. I concieved my 2 year old first time. We tried for 3 cycles for our secone and fell pregnant- miscarried, then felt pregnant immediately after- that was a chemical. Now we are cycle 9 since then and nothing. We have had all the testing done via NHS- so far everything normal. We had our first appointment a couple of weeks ago at a private fertility clinic. Spent 2.5k on further tests so will see where we go from here. We've really cleaned up our diets the last 6 months, take all the supplements, limit caffeine, stopped drinking. Basically taken the fun out of life 🤣 we are both 38 though so wondering if this is a big part of the problem.
Hope we are as lucky as you have been!
I'm also so sorry you went through the miscarriage, it's truly heartbreaking xx

Leeleee · 05/12/2025 19:27

ChaE05
Ahhh thank you, I’m glad that I have given you hope! I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage too and chemical. You’re right it is very heartbreaking and not something we ever get over, there’s always the ‘what if’ thoughts that pop up now and again. It took us almost exactly a year since the miscarriage to conceive, I thought maybe my body needed some time to repair after the loss, who knows, so hopefully your time will come soon if it’s been 9 cycles+ so far - I will keep my fingers crossed for you! Ohhh yeh it is hard cutting out so many things🥲 taking the fun out of life for sure, but it’s only temporary! They do say that after 35 it gets harder, but I’m not sure I’m a massive believer in it, I’m 36 and my husband is 38, and I know so many couples who have had theirs after 35, even 40+ :). I wish you and your other half the best anyway, and I hope in the near future you can update this chat with some good news! 😊

OP posts:
Pennyroses · 05/12/2025 20:14

@ChaE05 don't give up hope, I lost a baby late on in November 2023 and tried again straight after, had one early loss in September 2024 and another in March this year. We booked an appointment at the fertility clinic to discuss next steps (IVF) in June and from dates I worked out that I actually got pregnant later that day! 😂 I'm now 26 weeks with a baby girl. I really was starting to give up hope as I'm 39 and my partner was actually diagnosed with a low sperm count too. But here we are! So don't worry, you still have time and I'm sure it'll happen when you least expect it like it did for us!! x

ChaE05 · 05/12/2025 21:50

@Pennyroses🥺🥺 I'm so so happy for you. Really I am! And thank you for giving me hope! I'm taking positivity into 2026 as these last 6 months I've kinda lost it a bit xx

Pennyroses · 06/12/2025 10:39

ChaE05 · 05/12/2025 21:50

@Pennyroses🥺🥺 I'm so so happy for you. Really I am! And thank you for giving me hope! I'm taking positivity into 2026 as these last 6 months I've kinda lost it a bit xx

Thankyou and I wish you all the luck for 2026!!! 🤞🏼💗 x

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