Older pregnancy and terrified

[HOLuco09]

Hiya guys I read alot on here and I've been really stressing!!! So I thought I'd ad a post and see if I'm thinking rationally or if anyone else has felt how I feel? I am 38 have anxiety anyway. So that's probably not helping me. I have 3 children already 20 17 and 16 soon. Somehow and a very big massive somehow. I'm pregnant. Was on the pill expecting menopause soon. Settled. Not the healthiest of lifestyle. Eat well but liked a drink! So pregnancy seriously shocked and surprised us. I did anitially jump to the idea of abortion had the pills sent to me was 9 weeks so had no time to think and decided against it it terrified me to be honest. Especially how quick they wanted me to take them with the timescale. I couldn't think properly. Ended up not having then obviously. I have my 15 week scan tomorrow. And part of me thinks this is all great maybe it's ment to be etc. But a massive part of me is terrified. Like the chances of dying giving birth scares the life out of me. Complications be there none yet just have to have asprin daily. Reading up on how your womb and cervix aren't so great in labour after a certain age. Pre eclampsia. Stresses on your heart. I had problems bleeding after delivery in 2 of my births and that's scaring me. Its just drilled into my head all these fears. Like i know I should be enjoying this. Its certainly the last time!!! But I'm just in living fear. I dont know anyone my age that's had children. So can't talk to them. So to any one my age any advice tips to relax more? And if you have had complications any advice? If you yourself have anxiety through pregnancy how did you cope amd was all OK? I worry more because a girl in the village she was only young in her 20s I think. She had pre eclampsia and she died in labour which is probably why I'm worried. Its not just me in the house worried about it my husband is terrified about it to so we tend not to discuss it. Probably sound like a child don't I. But this time be it age or what not I don't feel how I did when I had my other 3 in my teens and early 20s. I just rollled with it then! But I was healthy, fit, young. I'm slightly over weight these days pre diabetic. For from a gym bunny. Any advice or experiences would be great. Feel a bit alone because I have no one to talk to about how I feel that understands! I'm probably being irrational.

Many women have their first child at 38. I wouldn't worry.

It's honestly not that unusual at all to have a child at 38. I had one at 40 then another at 45, absolutely no issues during pregnancy.
Try to relax and enjoy it!

DD2 had her first child last year aged 39. Perhaps you can access some mental health help over your understandable anxiety.

Plenty of people have a baby at 38 but OP has children who are almost adults. It’s not the same as having your first then.

Flippin' heck OP, I clicked onto this thread expecting you to say you were 50 not 38....I had my first at 37 and now 28 weeks pregnant at 42 years of age!
You are being totally irrational.

There are far more people in my area/circle having babies in their 30's and early 40's now than there are in their 20's. 38 is a totally normal age to be having a baby and no age at all to be having a third or fourth.

With my first born at 37 I actually made a comment to the midwife about being a geriatric mother and she just laughed. She said they don't even bat an eyelid these days till you're over 40. Now I am over 40 and, honestly, my age has barely been mentioned at all.

Yes it can be harder to fall pregnant the older you get and also the chance of MC increases with age. It's also true that certain risks increase with maternal age but if you actually look at the figures for things like DS and other chromosomal issues, it's still a very small risk. You are still far, far more likely to have a healthy child than not and advances in early testing means you can check for issues and abnormalities during the pregnancy and make an informed decision. You don't need to wait till birth.

These irrational thoughts and fears you are having will take away all the joy from what should be a happy time for you and your family if you let them. I would mention how you are feeling to your midwife as hopefully they can alleviate some of it and maybe even put you in touch with a professional who you can talk to.

Good luck.

Congratulations

My first at 38. All the Mums at the ante natal classes seem to be well into their 30s. Knew one mum from DD's primary school who must have been well into her mid / late 40s with a surprise pregnancy - all fine for Mum and little one.

I had more midwife appointments and consultant too towards the end of the pregnancy to keep an eye on how things were going. Was induced at 39 weeks and then emergency CS - absolutely fine with straightforward recovery.

I suppose I may have been more tired than if I'd been 28 but had nothing to compare it too. At least with your children older you won't be chasing after toddlers with a babe in arms - they may even help out!

Are you receiving treatment for your anxiety ? Hope everything goes well with your scan tomorrow

I had my first and only baby boy 6 weeks before I turned 44. He is 2 now. I had a planned c-section but had been on progesterone, fragmin, aspirin etc. so was quite high risk. 38 is not that old, good luck with it all x

Had my first at 35, second at 38. No complications, very healthy pregnancy, I was fine! Congratulations and hope you can access some support to help with your anxiety, pregnancy is such an anxious time whatever age you're at.

I had my first at 23 and second at 40.
The biggest worry I had with my second was the higher risk of downs, so had an amniocentesis to check. Once that was clear I stopped worrying so much and started to enjoy the pregnancy. Being an older, experienced mum was great, much less stressful than being a first time mum. She's all grown up now and very close to her older brother and his children.

You're really not that old. You were just young having your first.

My hospital doesn’t even treat pregnancies differently until you’re over 40, and even then they don’t do much additional monitoring, as I understand it. Maybe recommend induction a bit more strongly?

You’re stressing, that’s understandable, but 38 is a perfectly normal age to have a child. I doubt the hosp will even bat an eyelid.

I suppose if you’re an anxious person anyway, I hen pregnancy & birth will be anxiety-inducing, regardless of age.

Can your midwife or GP / maternity services help at all?

I had my only child at 44, and remained open to all possibilities, throughout. I controlled what I could…

You’ve already experienced three pregnancies & births so that’s great to as well, it’s not an unknown to you at least.

Half way through your post my mind jumped to “perinatal anxiety”.

These days plenty of people have their first babies at 38. Any increased risk will be assessed and monitored throughout. Your example about the woman in her 20s who had preeclampsia sort of invalidates your concerns about your age.

Put it this way. Being deemed “high risk” usually means extra monitoring, scans, or even consultant led care. Is that a bad thing?!

But you do need to worry about your mental health in pregnancy and after. Even if you have never struggled before, perinatal depression/anxiety can strike. Take your anxiety seriously and speak to your midwife. There is NO SHAME in getting help, and the sooner the better.

Hey OP, where I live you're about average age for a first time mum. Yes pregnancy is more complex the older you get - but it's tiny percentage differences.

For instance I'm 9 weeks - I've seen a heartbeat on a scan so I know the chance of miscarriage is slightly higher for me. If I was under 35 it'd be 0.5%, as I'm not it's 1-2%. These variations are tiny.

It's often presented like a sudden cliff - like you hit 35 and suddenly everything is risky, it's not quite that.

I think it'd be worth speaking with someone? I'd probably suggest going via your midwife and being honest about your concerns. They will know to support you - including during birth.

I'd also suggest the book 'expecting better', it's a great book anyway but she talks about the stats and risks.

Hi OP, I'm 38 too and 14 weeks pregnant with my second! I fell pregnant with my first at 36, very very easy pregnancy, labour was a bitch lol but no worse than most other people's experience, baby came out absolutely perfect and is 13 months old and thriving! No problems with this pregnancy so far and no concerns at all from my midwife so expecting (hopefully!) a similar journey. To add, most of my close friends had their children between the ages of 36-39 and no problems at all, healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. Good luck and congratulations 😀

I had my third baby at 38, having had the first two at 28 and 30. The pregnancy didn't feel any different, labour was very fast (induced as overdue), I walked home with dd four hours after she was born.

Tbh I tend to agree with the poster above saying 'You're really not that old. You were just young having your first.'.

It’s a relief to read that there are some older mums on here, I’m expecting my surprise 4th at 42! My other kids are 15,7 &5.

Op have you mentioned your concerns to the midwives, I would agree that you seem overly anxious and some to support you through this would be helpful you to relax xx

I guess the question is, do you want to have another baby? I would say that's the main thing. It's fine if you don't.

In your shoes, some people would be thinking about the next stage of their lives, as in not raising kids. They wouldn't want to "start over". Whereas other people would be excited to go through all the stages again.

Totally your choice. Neither is right or wrong.

Hi there I am in a similar boat, 3 children 15 12 and 11, 35 years old and just found out I'm expecting, same as you very unexpectedly. I'm only 4 weeks 2 days, very very mixed emotions with myself and partner. Thoughts of termination down to fear of many of things, what the kids will think and how they would take it, finances and being off work again etc. Then on the other side I have fear this could be my last chance, fear I'd regret it and not be able to walk down the baby Isle in supermarkets or see a baby in a pram without bursting out into tears. Then we had the conversation how the kids are getting older now do we want to do it all again or enjoy life as they grow up. Honestly I have no idea where we're going with this and how we will make a decision I do not know.
Not much use or advise! However just so you know your most certainly not on your own with these feelings.
Good luck!!

I'm 38 and 18 weeks pregnant. Hasn't even occurred to be that I might be too old for this! As a PP above said, you're not old now, you were just young when you started. 38 is also very young to be expecting menopause to be imminent. I have friends 10+ years older than me who are still menstruating. The average starting age is 51.

Exactly how I felt. Then we had a early pregnancy scan because if pains saw the heart beat this was at 7 weeks and my husband who didn't take the news great. Neither of us did. He just said I could never turn any of my childrens heart beat off. My kids shocked me when we explained things. We are lucky they all still live at home. Can't afford to leave bless. But they was over the moon! My biggest supporters. Its a hard choice to make isn't it. Especially how this world is right now. I think by keeping its the right choice if I chose the other like yourself it would hurt seeing babies knowing I should have one. I dont regret keeping it I would have regretted not. Its just a big shock still amd getting more real by the day. I kinda have the feeling what's ment to be will be. All things happen for a reason. Xx