Feeling so conflicted about birth choices

[purplespink]

I am pregnant with 3rd DC. I've had 2 vaginal births. Both pretty traumatic, especially the first one. I haemorrhaged both times. I have a meeting with consultant at the end of this month but midwife thinks that they will advise a c section. As stupid as it sounds, I'm really scared of a c section for 2 reasons: 1) if I haemorrhage(which can easily happen), I can't move and I'd be stuck lying down on a table which really frightens me, especially the idea of being knocked out. Secondly, the recovery; I already have 2DC and whilst DH will be very helpful, I know that the recovery is longer and requires longer hospital stay (ideally I wouldn't spend a night). I've read about other women on mn that couldn't move easily and the midwives didn't help them reach their baby. What would you recommend, given everything I've said?

They have blood on standby during c sections which is a lot more helpful. I haemorrhaged with my first, planned c sec second time and barely bled.

Speak to the consultant and then decide what is best for you. There is also a risk for haemorrhaging during a c section. In terms of recovery, I found it horrible. I like to be out and about and be able to do things and those first couple of weeks were rubbish. But ultimately your health comes first. Have they found a reason why you have haemorrhaged both times?

I had a very positive c-section experience if it helps. Out the next day, off pain killers by day 3, out walking gingerly within the week. I think it being elective changes the experience because you can mentally prepare for the recovery. I fully appreciate that’s not the experience for everyone though and especially not emergency sections. But that’s ultimately the trouble. No two births are the same and there is no crystal ball to know what yours will be like.
Someone can have a straight forward vaginal birth with no complications and another can go completely the other way. The trouble is no one can advise you on your birth preferences because only you know how you would handle each situation.
I find reframing “birth choices” as “birth preferences” helps as the notion that we have total control over how our birth will go leaves lots of people disappointed or unable to come to terms with things when that they didn’t get the birth they wanted.
Weighing up your options against each other and putting them into some kind of hierarchy might help, along with having a good discussion with your consultant. Hear what they say and ask any burning questions.

Sorry to hear you had such difficult births. Do you know what caused your bleeding? Oftentimes they can preempt bleeding when you've experienced it before if its due to poor uterine tone or retained placenta, and give you drugs to try to prevent it. Unless it was caused by a vaginal tear then I can't see a c section being better for you (very broad assumption because I don't know your history). But a c section generally causes more blood loss than a vaginal delivery. I personally would avoid a c section if I could, I had one with my first and found recovery tough/painful.

I'm in a not dissimilar situation after having a major haemorrhage after my first vaginal birth. Due in March with second and feeling very worried about the same happening again, it was all very traumatic. I also don't want a c section as I hated the spinal block I had for surgery for the haemorrhage (found it terrifying being unable to move) and am worried about the recovery. Feel a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place really! Consultant is happy for me to try for a vaginal birth again but obviously they have no control over whether I haemorrhage again or not. Sorry nothing much to add, just empathising with your predicament.

Personally I’d 100% have the c section. I’ve had two emergency ones and while tricky, I would always feel safer doing that option - particularly if I’d had a haemorrhage

There is a higher risk of haemorrhage with a caesarean, it just means you’re already in theatre when it happens instead of a delivery suite.

Just my personal experience… I had c section after vagina and went home earlier than first baby
baby delivered at midnight I was out at 3:30 ( oh did school pick up and then came to get me , I had mil and oh to help me at home I was driving after 8 days but that was just my experience
you lose the ability to sit up quickly but the more you move ( and rest ) the quicker you recover
I wish I’d gone straight to c section rather than try vaginall. For 36 hours a c section is more convenient with two other kids to organise

Isn’t that better to be in theatre with extra medics eh consultants and not just a lone midwife?

I’d speak to your consultant…if it’s any help, while I wouldn’t call my elective c section pleasant, it wasn’t as bad as expected. I could walk slowly and more or less without pain (just take the painkillers) from 12 hours post section. I was also able to lift and hold my baby. I think electives are much better than emergency sections in terms of recovery.

that's not necessarily true. There will always be O-ve blood for the surprise big bleeds. Whether blood is cross-matched pre-delivery (either for an elective section/planned vaginal/emergency section) comes down to individual risks.

There will always be doctors available for emergencies whether it be labour ward or theatre. Press the emergency buzzer and you'll have a team present in seconds. 'Just a lone midwife' is also a very skilled practitioner who is well able to provide care in the case of a haemorrhage. Doesn't change the fact that a c section carries a higher risk of haemorrhage compared to a vaginal delivery. Always better to avoid the problem where safe to do so, rather than rely on just purely being in theatre.

a c-section doesn't always have a higher risk of bleeding - it depends entirely on what caused the bleeding. The OP would be better taking advice from the people who know the full story from both previous births and can actually give proper advice.

Agreed that's exactly what I said in my first reply to OP earlier in the thread. I explained a c section wouldn't carry the risk of haemorrhage from vaginal trauma. However tone and tissue PPHs are more likely with a c section when compared to a vaginal delivery. I also explained that we don't know her history so can only make broad assumptions. I'd say you didn't see my earlier reply.
There are a lot of comments suggesting that
c sections mean less bleeding, I merely pointed out that statistically they don't. I don't know why you chose me to say this to when there's lots of posters giving improper advice and I haven't.. sounds like you and I are actually on the same page Greybeardy

Hi @purplespink, how did you get on? I'm in the same situation and wondering my options for baby #3. Hope your doing well.

This is the problem with so much maternity care. They want you to be close to all the instruments and drugs and interventions "just in case", but being in that environment makes an emergency situation much more likely.
You've got the lowest risk of hemorrhage at home, but if you're at increased risk of hemorrhage they want you in hospital.

@Grekkie9hi, I had a c section. There has been one major pro and one major con. I didn’t haemorrhage like I did with the other two but I had/have a very slow recovery and wouldn’t have managed the first two weeks at least without DH doing EVERYTHING else around the house and with the other two and doing all of the shopping. It’s something to consider. Happy to answer any questions you might have ☺️

So it’s DHs family too! Why could he not expect to help for 2-3 weeks? It’s his responsibility too!

Sorry, didn't realise your OP was from January! I should have read more carefully before jumping in!

@TizerorFizzwell my older two aren’t DH’s. Not that he has complained once or remarked on that.

@purplespink I’m glad it’s all working out in your new relationship but if you are a family men have to help! Unless your mum is handy! What would you do if you were ill for a few weeks in the future?

@TizerorFizzive been I’ll In the past and it’s the same situation, dh looks after the kids and the house, like I do if he’s I’ll. no mum.

So everything works out then! Great. Enjoy your baby

@TizerorFizzi only really mentioned it in case the other poster doesn’t have that support as it would perhaps change my mind if I didn’t. Thank you! ☺️