Don't Know What To Do :(

[Oli16]

Please kind comments only - I'm feeling pretty shitty right now!

Me and partner decided to casually start trying for a baby (first pregnancy) and I got pregnant on first try (which is great, I thought it would take much longer!) and have a lot to feel happy about.

However since I found out, I don't feel happy at all. Quite the opposite. I realise my hormones are all over the place (I'm 8 weeks) but I'm having meltdowns every other day, feeling a sense of loss, confusion, being scared...I realise its nerve wracking the prospect of becoming a mother and leaving parts of your current life behind - but are all my reactions a signal that I don't actually want this? This is really getting me down and I need to make a decision.

I had a 7 week scan and was beside myself before it, I nearly didn't go because I was terrified. When I saw the baby and the heartbeat it just felt like an out of body experience but it was reassuring to see the baby was ok, I felt slightly calmer afterwards but now my anxiety and stress has sky rocketed again.

Fundamentally, I want children. I'm 33, living in London with a freelance job in film and am doing well in my career. I see friends most weeks and go on regular holidays etc - I feel a sense of mourning almost that I will lose my career, my friends, holidays...am I fully ready to change my life or is now a good time to have kids. Totally conflicted.

Tried talking to my partner about how I feel and he is trying to be as supportive as possible but I know its hurting him to see me having serious doubts as he said "its what I've been talking about wanting for 2 years"

I suppose the reality of being pregnant and life changing has really knocked me sideways and I just don't feel excited, just constantly worried and stressed out. Wish I felt happier and feel guilty talking to friends and family about my true feelings.

Reaching out to the wonderful support network that is Mumsnet and hope to have some advice.

x

I think a lot of people can relate to how you feel. I remember feeling so excited about having a baby and how great it would be, but as soon as I saw the positive test I just felt panic! It’s like whilst it’s just a distant idea it is exciting, but as soon as it’s reality you suddenly have to face everything that comes along with it.
Your life will change for sure, but it doesn’t have to be that you never do the things you used to. You can still see friends on weekends and take your baby with you on trips, especially when they’re young and so portable. You won’t necessarily lose your friends and career etc. It’ll just look different. You’ll make new friends.
I used maternity leave to start doing some studying in an area I’m interested in, didn’t go back to my old job and now have a job I much prefer. Wouldn’t have done that if I’d not had my son and taken maternity leave. So you might find you have new opportunities too.
I also think that at 8 weeks it’s hard to connect with the fact that there’s a baby. As you get further into pregnancy and you start getting a bump or you feel them move etc then the excitement will build more as they’re real then.

I can empathise entirely, im 36 years old, doing well in my career etc etc. We had discussed having a baby for years and decided to just start trying. I fell pregnant the first try and all I felt was dread and regret if I am honest.

It wasn't until the 20 week scan when we found out the gender and I could then imagine and picture our life with a baby that I got excited and felt maternal and its just got better since then (now 36 weeks). Until the 20 week scan, all I could focus on was everything we would have to give up - holidays when we want, socialising and just generally having a very easy life.

So, not really any advice just empathy that I felt exactly the same and I'm now sat here having finished for maternity leave and wishing baby would come early just so I can meet them xx

Thanks both I appreciate your honesty! Feel so much guilt for being so miserable since I found out when it’s something I’ve always wanted, it doesn’t make any sense and I’ve upset my partner with my doubts.

decided to speak to a counsellor this week to gain an objective POV which I hope helps. My partner spoke to me for a good hour today trying to rationalise with me that this is something we’ve always wanted one day. Everything he’s saying makes sense but I just still feel so flat, unexcited and down right miserable.

going to chat to midwife on Friday first appointment about my low moods - reassuring to hear that you both felt better about pregnancy news further down the line after first trimester was done!

thank you x

@Oli16
I am not sure how much help this will be as in a totally different situation but I do totally get where you are coming from.

I found out two weeks ago that I was 32 weeks pregnant (34 weeks today). Its thrown everything off and I have gone from being overly emotional to feeling nothing. It feels like I have missed out on all that time to connect and the pregnancy journey as a whole. So just trying to take little moments to interact and breath as it's gone from zero to 100 really quickly.

My suggestion would be focus on the little things for now. It's so much to take in all at once and so start focusing on what you can do. Maybe a few name ideas or thinking about the nursery ect. Just things that are more manageable but do not feel so totally all consuming at the same time.

Sending you the biggest hugs OP,