(TRIGGER WARNING SA) Boyfriend Behaviour

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Been struggling with what I think might be PGP the last few weeks, it’s not so much the pain that is super difficult to deal with, it’s the past trauma that it triggers that I find hardest. Things have been stressful lately so I don’t know if I’m overreacting but my boyfriend’s behaviour just bothers me. He’s always been quick to anger but rarely towards me, I can usually keep him fairly calm but with the extra stress that’s been harder. I swear he thinks outbursts of anger and/or sex are the answer to everything. He’s also miffed that we won’t be able to have sex for a while after baby is born so he wants it even more now! Sometimes I’ll say no or try push him off but he’s relentless and sometimes I’ll tell him it hurts please stop, he might stop temporarily but then carries on. The other night afterwards he rolled over and said “my bad, you only asked me to stop like 6 times”. A few weeks ago he agreed he needed to work on anger management too but I don’t know I just don’t feel great around him at times, or supported/reassured. Just had birth plan and they asked who I wanted my birth partner to be and it took every ounce of me not to just say my mum. Am I overreacting?

Him refusing to stop when you ask him is rape.

Do not minimise what he is doing. He is fully aware if he is making comments that you asked him 6 times.

You need to leave him and find the courage to report him.

He is a rapist. You are not over reacting. You need to leave him and quickly.

Erm OP, what you have described here is not OK at all. On any level.

This is not only extremely toxic behaviour but it's actual abuse. If you do not consent, or withdraw consent at any time, and he continues then that is rape. I know that's scary to think about but it's the brutal truth. Honestly, this is not OK.

You need to find a way out of this situation before adding a baby into the mix.

You need to leave. He will get significantly worse after the baby is born when you are trapped and vulnerable.
Leave now before the baby is born while it's easier.
What do his outbursts of anger look like?
And just imagine him displaying them when you are holding a helpless newborn in your arms.
As for the sex, he's vile, and it will be awful because he will be pestering you from it virtually from the second you are home from hospital and potentially rip your stitches or give you an infection while you are recovering.
Based on the limited information in your post this is not someone you want to be around you when you are vulnerable post partum.
And have your Mum as your birth partner.
Can you speak to your Mum or your midwife about any of your concerns?

You need to say all this to your midwife. Show her your post if it’s easier.

It is VERY common for domestic abuse to start during pregnancy.

How close are you to your Mum? Can you and little one go and live with her? You can't stay with someone who rapes you. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Like all the other PP I think you need to consider how your future may look with this man. I know it must be terrifying, but making changes to your life will be easier now than when you’ve delivered the baby. Sending you hugs

Run and never look back

I would definitely take a break from the relationship. Move in with mum is can and evaluate your relationship, forcing you or pressuring you is not ok.

Get rid of him. Don’t have an angry rapist around a vulnerable baby.

He deserves to be behind bar's.

You have autonomy over your own body. You do not have to sex today or tomorrow or next week if you don't want too. You don't have to have sex today because maybe you won't next week.
You have the right to say no before and during sex and sex should stop the moment you say no. Not just after or only once you say it 2 or 3 times and definitely not at all having said it 6 times.

You need to speak to people who can support you in leaving this abusive man. My ex brother in law was like this and he got so much worse after they had a child together. Abusive often increases in pregnancy and afterwards.

For perspective my partner and I rarely have sex when I'm pregnant and when we had my daughter we only had sex probably half a dozen times in 2 years as I had hyperemesis in pregnancy plus a broken rib followed by severe pnd. It was another year before in went from infrequently to our normal rhythm. At no point did he hassle me or take my nos as anything other than no.

Hi OP, your instincts are right, if you're asking him to stop, he should stop, and if he doesn't then he is technically raping you. The question you need to ask yourself is, do you want to bring a baby into this environment? If he has outbursts of anger amongst the sexual deviance, having a baby amplifies things by 100 when sleep deprived and extra stressed etc. If I were you, I'd seek advice from midwife. I work in maternity, and I want you to trust me when I say they have seen and heard it all! There are people in maternity that can support you. In addition to this, at least tell your mum, put support in place for yourself, do not go through this alone while pregnant.

To add, I think you should set somewhere up for you and baby to stay, maybe with your mum, and get him to get professional help.

Well done for capturing the situation so well in your original post. Screenshot it now and show it to your midwife and your mum. They will be able to provide some good advice and support on how to cope with this terrible situation. You need to prioritize yourself and your baby and make sure your home environment is a safe place for you to return to post birth. I know it can be difficult to discuss these things with others but it is the right thing to do. You are most certainly not over reacting. Doing nothing or minimizing this is under reacting. Act now. ❤️❤️ You are strong and you can do this x

I highly highly recommend you get out now while you can before the baby arrives. He is raping you and he is fine with raping you but the second you call out the behaviour the abuse will ramp up significantly. He is utterly toxic. Get out, get support and move on with your life.

You don't owe him sex ever. If you don't want sex, that's the end of it. Pestering, cajoling, forcing you... All of it is wrong and you deserve better.
As others have said, please tell your midwife. Talk to your mum. Get some support. Please look out for you and your baby. Put your needs first.

What the fuck did I just read?

Bloody hell, OP. This is not a nice man. He is a rapey violent bastard and will not make a good father or ever a good partner.

Leave him now before he hurts or kills you. It only ever gets worse.

I'm not even joking.

This is rape. Domestic violence of all types increases dramatically during pregnancy. It is not going to get better. Get yourself somewhere safe, get rid of him, and report him to the police. Whatever you do, do not continue a relationship with this man and manage his access to your child carefully.

You can’t have this man near your baby he is a rapist! You need to get out and fast.

You must be in shock and traumatized. Talk to your midwife.

Please show your midwife this message.
Please DO have your mum with you instead of him
And go to your mum's house with newborn. I did and it was amazing I was so well looked after (despite being heartbroken about my relationship break up).
DO NOT ADD HIM TO THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Ps I would advise you to report this to the police when safe to do so because waiting for him to come to court for access to the children could make it look like false accusations