Pregnant after miscarriage

[pbdr]

I already have a 3 year old daughter, and I had a missed miscarriage last year which dragged on for months because of failed medical management, retained tissue etc. The whole thing was pretty traumatic and awful.

I've just found out that I'm pregnant again. I'm only 4 weeks at the moment. I very much want another baby, but I feel really weird about this pregnancy. I don't think any part of me believes that I'm going to actually have a baby. I'm just bracing myself for what feels like the inevitable miscarriage, and dreading going through all of that again. I feel guilty for not being excited the way I was when I got pregnant with my daughter and the miscarriage.
When my husband and I talk about this pregnancy - when the baby would be due, what age gap we would have between our kids, whether it might be a boy or girl etc. it just feels like fantasising rather than talking about something that might actually happen. I feel quite detached from this pregnancy. Not because I don't want it (I desperately do), but just because it feels like I'm role playing a pregnant woman, rather than reality.

I'm not really sure what advice I'm asking for. I just want to be happy and believe I'm going to have a baby, but I mostly just feel dread at the moment. Has anyone else been through similar?

I feel exactly the same as you. I have a 6 year old daughter, we've been TTC for a year and I had a MC in June. I'm now 9 weeks.

With my first I think I just naively assumed after that positive test that was it, I was having a baby, and I was.. I bought a pregnancy pillow, we started talking about plans and timing etc but this time it doesn't feel real.

We had to change some holiday plans last week - we'd put a deposit down for a holiday in August and I'm now due in August, we had to make a decision by Monday about changing the dates or we'd lose our deposit.. so we've rescheduled it to next year but it felt ridiculous changing something for something that might not happen.

I've seen a heartbeat on a scan and I'm still worried about getting too excited, I think it's a way of protecting myself but I just posted on another thread saying it's also robbing some of the joy.

I have really bad morning sickness and have had to go on medication but it feels like it's for nothing because I don't want to get too excited..!

So I'm not sure that's helpful, but you're not alone.. I'm telling myself once the dating scan is done I'll feel better but we shall see..! Xx

Hi op,

I feel this too,
I found out last week I am pregnant again following 2 miscarriages, i have a 4 year old son too, I feel the same way I can't think further than being 5 weeks pregnant as I fear I'll jinx it somehow by letting myself imagine that this time it will be any different and I don't want to be heartbroken all over again with another miscarriage.

It definitely robs you of any joy but hopefully as time goes on it will get easier x

Firstly congratulations! I had a missed miscarriage in May of twins, first pregnancy and it affected me so much. 6 months later found out was pregnant again and there was no joy. I didn't feel it was real, took 4 tests to confirm and my husband and I didn't really talk about it as we were so worried it wouldn't work out. I booked a scan at 7 weeks and saw a heart beat. I immediately burst into tears with relief and I've decided that now is the time to enjoy the pregnancy and allow myself to feel excitement. I was dreading the scan but would recommend to everyone to book one so you just know. It will slowly start to sink in and statistically it is unlikely you will have another miscarriage. Try and relax, stressing won't change the outcome, it will just make you feel rubbish day to day. Take each day as it comes and I wish you all the best

@pbdr congratulations on your new pregnancy. I felt exactly the same with my MMC. It's truly awful and I'm sorry for all you have went through. I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant and still can't believe everything will work out. It's been an anxious pregnancy after finding out at our 12 week scan previously that our baby had died. It does get slightly easier but until they're in our arms I think that's just what a miscarriage does to us. Me and my partner never really acknowledged the pregnancy until the 12 week scan which is just so sad, we basically just pretended it wasn't happening and then when we saw the heartbeat at the scan for this pregnancy we both broke down. Clearly both silently carrying so much heartache from the previous pregnancy. My advice would be just to take each day and week as it comes and remind yourself it's a new pregnancy. 🩷

I'm in a similar position and feel the same way. I've had 4 miscarriages and 1 child over the last few years. One of the miscarriages was a missed/silent miscarriage too and it's a horrible experience to go into the scan feeling hopeful and leave devastated.
I'm about 7/8 weeks now but feel like I don't even want to talk about it incase I jinx it. I've got a scan booked for this week and I'm hopeful it'll all be fine, but I'm also preparing myself for the worst. I think when you've experienced loss you can't help but brace incase it happens again, particularly when you've been through all that physical trauma too.
I don't think detaching a little bit from the pregnancy is such a bad thing if it helps you get through day to day. I feel like I'm just filing it away in my brain to think about later, whereas in previous pregnancies I would be obsessively reading up on everything and making myself more anxious, as someone else said no amount of stress will change the outcome. So don't be hard on yourself for coping however works for you.
xx

Thank you all for the lovely, supportive messages. I'm sorry to hear so many of you have had similar experiences, but in a way it's nice to know I'm not alone, and that this is a fairly normal reaction to the situation.

Hopefully it will just take time, and perhaps if I make it to the 12 week scan then it will start to feel more real. Hope things work out well for all of you too!

Congratulations to the ladies on here that are pregnant after miscarriage.

Its such an incredibly hard time OP.. and I have first hand experience of how you’re feeling, you’re definitely not alone in it.

I think one of the key things is reminding yourself that this is a new pregnancy and a different baby. I also listened to a podcast with a grief counsellor who has experienced miscarriage herself and she said it may be helpful to remind yourself that you are pregnant on this day, unless you’re told otherwise. And that it’s about letting yourself experience the emotions (anxiety, etc) rather than pushing them down, but without letting them consume you. I know easier said than done!

I’m currently just over 7 weeks myself (5 prev miscarriages), and have a large SCH identified on an early scan, so having to have a fair amount of pep talks with myself when the thoughts spiral!

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/blended/id1613575251?i=1000606386875

here’s the link to the podcast I mentioned for anyone that’s interested, I found it really helpful xx

How are you all doing ladies?

I have another scan on Friday and the nerves are starting to set it, struggling to see it as a positive outcome. All being well I’ll be around 9 weeks 🤞🏻

xx

I am having a chemical at the moment it's so sad I had that 'week of hope' between week 4-5 now my tests have gone back stark white. Awaiting the inevitable I'm so sad. I waited ages to try again after my last miscarriage last year (blighted ovum 9wks)

@Itonlytakesone ah I’m so sorry that you’re going through that, it’s crushing. Hoping that everything goes as smoothly as it can for you, and that you have plenty of support x

@Blueskies4

I'm actually just at home alone with my little girl I'm a bit scared because the bleeding just started hopefully it won't be that bad and I can still look after her. Never had a chemical before 🥹

Bless you. If it’s any help when I’ve had a chemical the bleeding has been very similar to a period, hopefully it’s not bad for you and you’re able to rest once your little girls asleep x

@Blueskies4
Oh yes thank you that does help it's all a bit daunting isn't it🥹. I'm ok for now it's light at the moment hopefully I'll get through the next couple days without too much trauma 🙈