Mixed emotions

[Stace2507]

Hi all,
I'm new to this forum and turning here as I'm struggling to talk about my emotions or find someone who will understand.. I'm nearly 35, 3 children 15 11 and 10 (my 11 year old is autistic) and been with my current partner for 5 years. I found out I was pregnant yesterday, dating by my last period I would only be 4 weeks, therefore would say I'm probably only actually 2 !
I longed for another child before turning 35 for so long, something I said I always wanted, I was scared of running out of time and not being able to have the chance again. I started a new job 6 months ago that I'm really enjoying. My relationship is stable, there is some ups and downs but nothing that isn't generally talked over or fixed. However, when I found out I was pregnant yesterday I didn't feel how I expected I would. I was upset, nervous, worrying about my children, doubting if it's the right thing to do, I cried for hours with the unsureness, and today I've woke up the same! How can you long for something for so long then when it happens feel so unsure negative and sad?! Has anyone been in this position??? I just need someone to talk too and some good advise.
Hope you understand ❤️

Hi there - so sorry you’re feeling this way. If it helps at all I am feeling exactly the same, I’m 33 and this is my first pregnancy. Been with my partner for 4.5 years and since we met we’ve always talked about having kids one day. We recently started being casual / start trying and first attempt I got pregnant. I’m currently 7 weeks now and we’ve told only our family and a close friend.

since I found out I am constantly anxious, upset, low moods and today had a chat with my partner to tell him how I’m feeling really unsure if I’m ready / want to do this right now.

really hard to have to sit with these feelings when it’s always something I’ve wanted? Very consuming AND confusing. Just want to feel happy and excited but I honestly think I’ve not thought it through and from other friends experience, just thought it’d take me much longer to conceive!

sorry this isn’t probably helpful to you - just wanted to let you know you’re not alone with these anxious 1st trimester feelings ❤️

Hi both, sending you hugs and sorry you are feeling this way. I'm also in the same position. Only 4 weeks 1 day I reckon, but my emotions are so unstable. I've just had a chat with my partner about how I'm feeling and currently looking for a counsellor to speak to. I'm really concerned that if I don't deal with my feelings head on, it could spiral.

We took a "if it happens, it's meant to be" approach but both being older, we weren't sure it would. Relationship not perfect either, just before finding out I was thinking we should stop trying but here I am.

It does feel a scary place to be in but I'm hoping by talking to someone I'll get perspective and put things in place that might help. I'm not a particularly emotional person so all this crying is making me feel like it's not right but I do realise it's probably hormones too.

I don't think this is particularly helpful but just wanted to share in the hope you might feel less alone in feeling this way xx

Hi to both of you and thanks so much for replying and sharing 💕
It's a really horrible feeling isn't it, it's all I thought I wanted and now its happened I'm having doubts. I'm having thoughts that did I just want thus because I'm getting older and didn't want too leave it too late or was it genuine?? Battling with my own mind. I've only told a close friend with it being so early on and she just has the approach of things happen for a reason and to follow your heart, problem with that is I'm now not sure what that is. I don't want to have regrets with whatever decision I make, and approaching 35 I do believe this is my last chance, but does that make it right? Confusing isn't it x sending love to you both ❤️

Your approach sounds very similar to how we was before I conceived, do you mind me asking how old you are and how long you've been together?? People say I have plenty of time being only 34 but my body is telling me I don't..

I'm 37, will be 38 when baby arrives and it's my first. I definitely feel age is a factor. Up until last year I didn't feel any desire to have a child. I then had a scare where I thought I was. Turned out I wasn't but by which point I felt a bit disappointed.

My reason for trying was that after losing people in my life, my family has become much smaller. And it's all that matters to me really.

It does really worry me our relationship might not withstand the strain, though we've been together 8 years, we've had ups n downs. But I try to convince myself if the worst happened I'd cope. I had a loving stable family growing up and not sure I'll be able to recreate this.

It's just so much to process. I feel bad like I hadn't thought everything through enough.

It has helped me just reading both of your feelings too on it, thank you. Nothing ever simple in life I guess but I'm just thinking we're still at early stages to get to a place where we feel more confident in whatever choices we make xxx

Had you talked to DP about a child? I am presuming that the first 3 have another Dad? If so then the question of DP being enthousiastic or not is really important if he's never lived with a baby. A baby certainly cements a relationship if it's what you both want.

Apart from your own emotions right now - which are totally screwed up by hormones - there a lot of dynamics around your own 3 children to take into consideration..

FYI "The hormones changing in your body mean you will probably have heightened emotions, both positive and negative. And you will probably swing between these emotions. While you may be overjoyed about having a baby, you may also be stressed and overwhelmed." Not rocket science,juust Google.