Wanting to try to conceive but terrified of labour

LilyJessie · 03/01/2025 05:56

Could you consider an epidural earlier?
Or an elected c section?

NameChanger91736 · 03/01/2025 06:00

If you dont want to give birth again, opt for a c-section

My sister is having her first baby in a few months and she is petrified of labour. She has opted for a csection.

However, I'm just really scared and even though my labour was pretty 'textbook' it was horrible

It is horrible. I dont know why our bodies are designed for such a painful exit for births 😅

I'd love another. But I'm petrified of ever having a csection and I just wouldnt want to spend hours in agony giving birth again

Row23 · 03/01/2025 06:04

I had a horrid first birth and it has made me really scared to do it again. I’m pregnant again now and my thinking was that every birth is different. You may get to be in a birth pool and feel much more relaxed and in less pain. You could request an epidural earlier or some other pain relief. You could ask for a c-section. There’s lots of options and things can go so differently the next time.

Supperlite · 03/01/2025 06:12

OP I’m sorry you found it so horrible. As PP have said, it’s not great! I found investing in positive things like massages to help my body and mind de-stress in the year or two after birth really helpful.

As PP have said, you can opt for a c section. You can also let the hospital know you are scared, you want an early epidural, and the last one wasn’t strong enough.

Only you can decide whether your desire for another baby outweighs the sacrifice of birthing one.

Blissfultiggy · 03/01/2025 06:14

Would you consider a planned section?

I didn't have a great first birth either so for my second I chose a planned section and it was the best experience. I knew when it was happening so I could prepare, made things like childcare for my first a lot easier, it was so calm and I felt so relaxed, recovery was easier than with my vaginal birth too

PurpleDiva22 · 03/01/2025 06:17

I don't think epidural is supposed to stop all pain. You will still feel sensations and pressure and the ring of fire with it, or I did anyway. I had the same feeling of pure fear but I just kept telling myself I did it once before, I could do it once more. Weigh up the pros and cons of having and not having another child. ❤️

freidafreida · 03/01/2025 06:22

How old is your first? I had an anything-but-textbook birth with my first with was 32 hours of hell with zero pain meds (my stupid choice). I was also not able to consider another for ages. When she turned 2 I think I got to the place mentally where I could actually consider it and think about the pain logically - ie it gave me my girl and wasn't forever. Pregnant again now and am fully aware of how painful it will be but am able to be logical about it (this wouldn't have been the case even a year ago).

Time is a healer.

Kosenrufugirl · 03/01/2025 06:22

Hi there it's a labour ward midwife. Your hospital should have a Consultant midwife who should be able to set up a personalised birth plan for you. It could include things like an early epidural. You are far more likely to get an early epidural with the Consultant midwife plan. However, bearing in mind how quickly you laboured last time you might miss out on effective epidural again. On a positive, it's common knowledge that 2nd labours tend to be easier on the woman's mind and body. Have you tried using a TENS machine or hypnotherapy? In my experience, most women women find them very helpful. Also, if your pregnancy is low-risk you can ask for home-birth or for the birth in the midwifery-led. Both options are just as safe for 2nd, 3rd and 4th babies for both mum and baby. (Homebirth is slightly riskier compared to hospital birth for 1st baby only). This data is low-risk women only. You might feel it's complete bonkers to explore homebirth. However, if you have the option to jump into the birthing pool in your front room it might be a better experience compared to being driven to hospital and waiting for an anaesthetist. Alternatively, please look up your local birthing centre. They also have pools and can administer morphine. In my experience, a lot of women are scared of the effect of morphine on the baby's breathing. The risk is small, less than 1 in 100 per morphine injection (as per my experience). The epidural (or spinal for that matter) can lead to mum's blood pressure crashing and baby's heart rate dropping. The risk is 1in 50 as per the leaflet we give to women on our labour ward (even though it's more like 1 in 100 in my experience). Both situations are very dramatic but both get resolved quickly as midwives and anaesthetists know needs to be done in these situations. So morphine might a good option for you. I hope it helps

Kosenrufugirl · 03/01/2025 06:32

Further to the earlier message... you do have an option of booking an elective Caesarean section. However elective Caesareans on maternal requests get booked from 39 weeks only to minimise the risk of the baby being admitted to neonatal care unit with breathing difficulties. 1 in 10 women will go into labour before their elective Caesarean in which case the doctors will revisit the care plan as the emergency Caesarean is riskier for the woman compared to vaginal birth (better for the baby as the stress of labour prepares baby's lungs for breathing). It's worth preparing for every eventuality.

hotchocfiend · 03/01/2025 06:34

Agree with another poster that with more time comes more mental strength / desire to face the ordeal again! So if your first is still very young maybe it's just a case of giving yourself some time.

On a practical level though I got the epidural much sooner third time round and it made the world of difference. So definitely have that as a plan to work towards?

Kosenrufugirl · 03/01/2025 06:53

PurpleDiva22 · 03/01/2025 06:17

I don't think epidural is supposed to stop all pain. You will still feel sensations and pressure and the ring of fire with it, or I did anyway. I had the same feeling of pure fear but I just kept telling myself I did it once before, I could do it once more. Weigh up the pros and cons of having and not having another child. ❤️

This is the right approach to use the epidural if the woman is keen to avoid an instrumental delivery. Instrumental delivery is always a possibility, even for women without epidural. It's usually a much better option for the mum and baby than a Caesarean at full dilatation. The only way to completely avoid the risk of instrumental is to have an elective Caesarean (which unfortunately sometimes turns into an emergency Caesarean). Heavy epidural makes pushing difficult hence increases the risk of instrumental delivery. This is something to bear in mind. A perfect way to give birth is yet to be invented. OP, I think you should consider an appointment to see a Consultant midwife. A bit of debrief and some planning might really help you

Bex101990 · 03/01/2025 07:13

amipretnant · 03/01/2025 05:30

Hi, I had a straightforward labour with my little girl, waters went at 11pm and she was born at 10:45am so not even 12 hours, of that 12 hours I was only in pain for around 3/4 of the hours, but it was excruciating.
I'd have signed over the deeds to my house to get out of the pain.
Epidural but only 1 hour before pushing, and I don't think it worked as I felt the ring of fire. She was born within 20 minutes of pushing, I was really lucky as I had the pushing reflex a bit like when you vomit. My body was just pushing her out for me.

I'm really worried about the second time around as I just don't want to be in that much pain again,

Any advice needed please. I'm ovulating over the next few days, and so it's do I go for it now or am I too chicken. Feels like the family isn't complete and that my little girl needs a sibling and I do want another baby.

However, I'm just really scared and even though my labour was pretty 'textbook' it was horrible.

Thank you

Ah sorry to hear you’re worried! Have you thought about doing some hypnobirthing? My first labour was very similar to yours and really affected me, however with my second I tried some hypnpbirthing and it was much calmer! I would be lying if I said it wasn’t painful as it still was of course however my mindset was different with it and I managed better. Your body would’ve also been through it before so second labours tend to be quicker too. Another option as previously mentioned is also an elective c section?
Wishing you all the best with your journey - remember it is only very temporary and what you get at the end is a little life! X

Original poster

amipretnant · 03/01/2025 21:52

freidafreida · 03/01/2025 06:22

How old is your first? I had an anything-but-textbook birth with my first with was 32 hours of hell with zero pain meds (my stupid choice). I was also not able to consider another for ages. When she turned 2 I think I got to the place mentally where I could actually consider it and think about the pain logically - ie it gave me my girl and wasn't forever. Pregnant again now and am fully aware of how painful it will be but am able to be logical about it (this wouldn't have been the case even a year ago).

Time is a healer.

She's just turned 2 and I am getting there I hope

OP posts:

Original poster

amipretnant · 03/01/2025 21:57

Thanks for all your kind thoughtful and insightful words of encouragement ladies. You are all right there is no 'perfect' way to give birth to avoid any and all pain but there are ways to minimise how traumatic it will be for me, so I'm going to look into those ways.
Thank you

OP posts:

MummyJ36 · 03/01/2025 21:57

I have a good friend who insisted on an epidural on arrival, had it on her notes and made sure everyone in the vicinity knew! She has nothing but good things to say about it. I’d probably recommend that over a c-section. I needed a section with DC2 and it’s not necessarily preferable to a natural birth, although it is an incredibly personal choice and I’d say go with your instinct and there really isn’t a wrong decision.