Help- How to decide I’m done after infertility

[StillTrying10000]

After years of infertility, failed conceptions, many, many pregnancy losses, 7 rounds of IVF and £125k!… I finally have what I’ve so desperately dreamt of for years, a healthy baby boy and baby girl 20 months apart. Perfect. I’ve finally got what I really thought I never would, and I’ve met so many women along the way who will devastatingly never have. So why can’t I bring myself to sell my youngest things and accept my family is complete?
Having another child will be risky, expensive, make me terribly sick, make so many things impractical but I think about it constantly!
It’s like all those years of longing for a baby are cemented into my soul and even though I have two perfect children I can’t turn off the longing for one more.

Is it that I should go for it and then we will finally feel complete? Or if I have another will I still have the craving?
If I don’t go for another will I live with regret or be able to move on somehow?
Eh! How do people decide such a huge life decision?

I’m also paying thousands to store my embryos and the thought of destroying them breaks me!

I'm sorry you feel like this. I assume its a mix of hormones and the ingrained NEED to breed and the years of disappointments. Have you ever been able to grieve and say goodbye to your lost pregnancies? Write a letter to them, plant a tree, light a candle and say some words? Maybe write a list of the pros/cons of a 3rd child, or just of giving unused toys away- another child can benefit etc, we can clear some space for newer toys etc.

If you feel your thoughts are taking over your day to day life, have you considered speaking to someone about the years of grief? It might be unresolved and stopping you moving forward. Speak to your GP initially about this.

I am one of those women you mentioned that TTC for years, lost many pregnancies, multiple rounds of IVF, no cause ever found and will never have our own children. I have to look at the good things in my life. I live in a country with modern medicine, I had the opportunity for IVF, I have good health, a wonderful DH and a very happy life. I just have no living children.
Wishing you all the best x

How old is the youngest?
Is the treatment so expensive if you only transfer one of the embryos you have left rather than starting a new cycle?
It’s hard to focus so much on follicles and embryos etc. and then turn around and destroy them a year or two later.
We destroyed our four AAA embryos when the youngest was 6 months old and we’ve never regretted it.
Assuming you are paying annually as we were, you could set yourself a deadline of either using or disposing of your embryos by the next renewal.