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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

First midwife appointment what to expect?

17 replies

MrsBP15 · 02/01/2025 11:38

Hello

so I’m currently ten weeks following a round of ivf. I have my first appointment with the midwife on Saturday and wondered what to expect? My husband would like to come in with me as he is really excited about the prospect of becoming a Dad and is so good at looking after me. He’s always been attentive but since the ivf and learning we are pregnant he is got even better. I consider myself so lucky and am super grateful. I’m just a little worried that at the appointment they are going to ask about my sexual history and I don’t really want to go into that with him there. We’ve been together for 15 years and met in our early twenties so I don’t necessarily see it as relevant but like I say, I’m nervous about it. I want my husband to be in the appointment as we are very much on this journey together and I don’t want to discourage him from being involved. I realise this might all sound a little silly but my hormones are all over the place and with this being my first pregnancy I have no idea what to expect! Thank you in advance for being kind and understanding 😊

OP posts:

fruitj · 02/01/2025 11:41

They won't ask about your sexual history per se, but will probably ask about any previous pregnancies (including miscarriages or abortions) and any sexually transmitted diseases you currently have or have had in the past.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/01/2025 11:41

First appointment is all just questions OP, he would be asked to leave the room for parts of the chat anyway as they do have to ask about domestic abuse etc. It’s lovely he wants to support you but honestly there’s nothing to support in your booking appointment, just lots of questions about you

Hurdlin · 02/01/2025 11:43

It's a lot of form filling and questions as PP have said, a bit of an anticlimax! It would be more useful for your DH to accompany you to your first scan.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 02/01/2025 11:43

Is it the booking appointment?

They will (should) ask him to leave for part of it to discuss any domestic violence concerns. Other than that it is useful to have him there to answer questions about his and his families medical history. Stuff like genetic diseases etc.

I don't remember being asked about my sexual history but they do a blood test for STIs / HIV etc

whiteboardking · 02/01/2025 11:43

Lots of questions about your health. Check that you are happy with pregnancy. More paperwork. Blood pressure check etc. I don't think most take partner to booking appt

WatcherWatch · 02/01/2025 11:44

I think they need to see you alone at least for some of the first appointment to ask about possible domestic abuse etc. So if there’s anything you want to say to the midwife in private that you think might be important you can do it then.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 02/01/2025 11:45

Oh and if his work limit his time off to attend maternity appointments (many limit it to two) then this is definitely one for him to miss. Save those for the scans!

52for2025 · 02/01/2025 11:46

fruitj · 02/01/2025 11:41

In my experience they will ask you to point at the answers in a way which means your husband can’t see the answers to these questions.

It’s ideal if he can be there as they will so ask question about his and his family’s medical history.

30STMK · 02/01/2025 11:53

I had mine a couple of days ago my partner wanted to come along but I thought it would be a waste of time for him but it wasn’t. They asked him about his previous children & his families health which I would not have been able to answer. Due to my own health & his families the midwife informed me I will be consultant led so it is worth them attending in some cases.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 02/01/2025 12:05

I think it’s good for him to be there as they ask family history questions that you won’t necessarily know. I think they sometimes ask them to leave at some point as a way to check on you (that you’re safe, not in an abusive or coercive situation etc.) but they never did with my DH.
As it’s your first I would definitely encourage him to be at as a many appointments as feasible. Sometimes you forget things or forget to ask something and a second pair of ears helps. Plus if you have any more children one day he’ll likely be at home with the older ones and not able to make it!
I also don’t think we can complain about partners not being as involved or excited if we don’t let them be as immersed in our pregnancies and birth preferences as possible.

Harriet1989 · 02/01/2025 12:26

I had mine this morning and my DH came. They'll ask a bit about them and their family medical history. There were no questions about my sexual history but yes questions about previous pregnancies. When she showed me where the bathroom was she asked me discreetly about domestic violence and that's a standard question

DappledThings · 02/01/2025 12:28

It's long and boring and not really for your DH. I wouldn't bring him if I were you. It's not like the first scan. He won't miss anything by not being there other than a lot of form filling, family history etc.

Original poster

MrsBP15 · 02/01/2025 12:48

Thanks all for the replies! The reality is that he will be coming with me regardless because he needs to drive so it’s either come in with me or wait in the waiting room. He will certainly have questions of his own he will want to ask and with it being a Saturday he won’t have to take any time off from work. We’ll probably go for lunch or something afterwards. As long as I don’t have to go into too much detail about sexual history it should be fine. Hopefully they’ll be a little discreet anyway! Does anyone know if I’ll likely book my 12 week scan in whilst I’m there? Again, I’m completely clueless!!

OP posts:

malimoon · 02/01/2025 13:01

I got my twelve week scan booking through the post independently of the midwife appointment but it might be different in different areas, I'm not sure

Newhi · 02/01/2025 13:04

Please don’t worry. If your husband is a lovely as you say he is, he is not going to be worried about your sexual history at all!!

30STMK · 02/01/2025 13:07

I had my first scan appointment come through before my booking appointment some how so believe it’s separate ☺️

pastelpink0 · 03/01/2025 22:47

I had my booking appointment today at 11 weeks and they did my 12 week scan today at the same time! I think it varies in different areas as we were only expecting blood/urine tests etc today.
They did not ask about my sexual history at all so I wouldn't worry about that, they will ask about your past/present illnesses which includes sexually transmitted diseases if this is something you might be worried about. However my husband wasn't in the room for any of the tests or questions, only the scan! He wasn't given the option to come in with me

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