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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Sad

18 replies

Ajayyxo · 30/12/2024 23:05

I found out I’m pregnant and I think about 7 weeks. I have had 2 miscarriages and an abortion which I still feel guilty for. My parter doesn’t want me to keep the baby and I have already had a call with a clinician to discuss termination. I told them I wasn’t sure of my decision yet but to book it in anyway
the appointment is on the 6th Jan. my partner thinks we should be healthier before we try for children I.e mentally and physically. I am overweight but I don’t drink or smoke and have already started changing my lifestyle as if I’m keeping the baby. He wants us to try for a baby together and not it be an accident. He keeps saying ultimately it’s my decision but I feel so guilty for him and don’t want him to resent a child he didn’t really want even though I know keep down he’ll be the best father and love it. He’s even said he’ll never resent it, he just has his reasons. I just feel like I can’t go through the trauma mentally or physically of an abortion again.
What do I do? I’m feeling so sad. 💔

OP posts:
Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 30/12/2024 23:07

Sounds like you really want to keep the little one.

LovelyBranches · 30/12/2024 23:08

If you want the baby don’t be forced or guided into an abortion. You have every right to keep the baby and you shouldn’t be guilted into thinking that it will be better if/when you are healthier. Make healthy choices now-both for your body and mental health. You don’t have to do what he wants.

StormingNorman · 30/12/2024 23:08

You want the baby so you keep it. Your partner then gets to make his decision whether to stay.

Don’t get rid of the pregnancy to keep the man.

Newhi · 30/12/2024 23:09

If you don’t want an abortion don’t have one, but prepare yourself to be a single parent. Just weigh up all the options and don’t rush into anything. You have time.

Dixiedot90 · 30/12/2024 23:09

It doesn’t sound as though he wants a baby with you, either now or in the future, so do what’s right for you

ByLilacMember · 30/12/2024 23:11

I'm sorry you're in this position. To me it sounds like you both want children together. Is it really that bad if this happens by accident? The ups and downs of trying for a baby weren't that fun for me. I hope you find a solution xx

Original poster
Ajayyxo · 30/12/2024 23:18

Thanks for your comment. I don’t think it is bad that it’s happened by accident as we both knew we did want a baby at some point. When I spoke to the doctor the other day, even the doctor said that when you’re actively trying for a baby that can be when it doesn’t happen because you’re so focused on it.

I just love him so much and I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t even know how to approach him with the fact I can’t go through with it :(

OP posts:
Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 30/12/2024 23:23

Just tell him you’ve made your mind up.
I’m sure he’ll come round to the idea. You might not be lucky enough to get pregnant ever again.

StSwithinsDay · 30/12/2024 23:24

Are you actively trying for a baby?
Apologies - I have just re-read your post and he doesn't want an 'accidental' pregnancy. Are you using contraception?

Original poster
Ajayyxo · 30/12/2024 23:27

StSwithinsDay · 30/12/2024 23:24

Are you actively trying for a baby?
Apologies - I have just re-read your post and he doesn't want an 'accidental' pregnancy. Are you using contraception?

Edited

No we aren’t actively trying but also we didn’t use contraception. I took the morning after pill but it turned out it was right in my peak ovulation and also about 3-4 days after the unprotected sex. He says ‘that’s on both of us for not using contraception’

OP posts:
Original poster
Ajayyxo · 30/12/2024 23:29

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 30/12/2024 23:23

Just tell him you’ve made your mind up.
I’m sure he’ll come round to the idea. You might not be lucky enough to get pregnant ever again.

You’re so right. I do have PCOS so this could be a miracle in its self but I don’t know that he fully understands that’s because I’ve been able to get pregnant before which have resulted in miscarriages or the one regretted abortion.

OP posts:
Pepperama · 30/12/2024 23:30

In your case, I wouldn’t terminate. Chances are that you’d really regret it and your relationship likely wouldn’t survive if you felt you did it just for him.

strawberrylaces12 · 31/12/2024 07:44

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 30/12/2024 23:23

Just tell him you’ve made your mind up.
I’m sure he’ll come round to the idea. You might not be lucky enough to get pregnant ever again.

Completely agree with this. If you both want children in the not too distant future but then you try and struggle to conceive after this how would you feel? I don't think there's often a 'perfect' time for people to have a baby, there is usually something going on etc. Remember it's your body and your decision.

anywherehollie · 31/12/2024 07:53

Keep the baby

Cornflakes123 · 31/12/2024 09:10

he is just making excuses. All this stuff about being “healthy” and “not being an accident” are just excuses and a bit manipulative actually I think. He may never want a baby. I would keep the baby if I really wanted a baby. But it’s totally your decision.

Viviennemary · 31/12/2024 09:13

He sounds totally horrible and unsupportive. But really if you don't want a baby then you need to use contraception.

smokeandflame · 31/12/2024 10:29

If you don't want an abortion then you don't have one. You will regret it.

Beeches24 · 31/12/2024 10:58

Are you sure your relationship will definitely survive even if you abort?

If you want the baby and have obstacles to conceiving otherwise I would keep.

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