I’m 30 weeks pregnant and struggling….my mental health wasn’t great pre-pregnancy and has taken a hit in the last couple weeks especially. Some of the normal pregnancy symptoms/issues I find super triggering and difficult to deal with from past abuse and I think getting closer to birth is freaking me out and making me spiral. I used to cope with flashbacks by keeping physically busy or negatively cope with pills/alcohol/self harm which i obviously don’t want to do now but I don’t know how else to deal with them. I’m scared about the flashbacks and sometimes find it so hard to manage that I end up wishing none of this was happening, wishing that I’d never got pregnant and didn’t have a baby coming. I feel awful that I think that in those moments and guilty that I won’t be bringing my baby into a secure, stable home and that it’s irresponsible. But at the same time I panic about something being wrong with my baby, I have bad dreams about awful things happening, that baby is dead or something is wrong. I didn’t feel baby move for all of an hour one morning and my mind immediately goes to “he’s dead, they’re going to tell me at the scan that he’s dead”. I seem to worry about everything, I’m anxious and paranoid even about non baby related things. Doesn’t help that my relationship with baby’s dad hasn’t been great, at the moment he’s not living with me and won’t be for quite a while. I get very little help or support from him. I know social care will be involved because I’m currently still sometimes living with a not great family member and I guess also because I’ve had bad mental health but it freaks me out that they think I’d hurt my baby or take baby away from me. That I can’t escape my past and it’ll keep coming back. Just want to cry most the time and I don’t know what to do or how to move forward.