Pregnant after sickness bus - what do I do?

[Whatdoido287]

I’ve just found out that I am pregnant and I am so torn.

I take the contraceptive pill every morning, however a couple of weeks ago I had a bad sickness bug which lasted around 48 hours, I was in a really bad way trying to still parent two young children so it didn’t occur to me the affects of the pill could of been compromised, until this morning.
I’ve had a BFP. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I have always always wanted 3 children, but we decided to settle for 2 due to finances and our current position, we wouldn’t be able to give our current 2 the things I want to if we had another. We would need to move house and we can’t afford a bigger house in the area that we are in, where we all love and are really settled. I am currently in University which makes it tricky also.

On the flip side, my heart honestly aches at the idea of not following through with this, it has already had me in tears all morning. I’ve always dreamt of 3 but had finally came round to the fact that I had been blessed with 2 happy children and I am more than grateful for that, but now it has happened like this I am struggling so much.

I just wanted to know if anyone else had experienced anything similar and what would you advise?

Thought I’d edit to say that DP has said that whatever I want to do, it is my body so he will support me either way.

Thought I’d edit to say that DP has said that whatever I want to do, it is my body so he will support me either way.

on the surface that sounds supportive but it is actually not fair to make you make that decision. It affects both of you, plus your existing children (the most important in this situation) so he needs to say what he thinks.
you need to consider the following:
Can you afford it?
how stable is your/DP employment?
how will it affect your DC (would they lose their bedrooms, time with you etc)
Have you got space?
Is your car big enough?
how is your health/previous pregnancies?

hard one whatever you choose to do.

I see what you mean, I guess he’s just not very good with words though and he doesn’t want to make me feel pressured in anyway! But I know what you mean about I could do with some guidance because I do feel like now whatever I decide is all on me.
And that’s the thing, all the facts point towards not going through with it, which is why we decided on not having a third in the first place! It’s fully a heart of head situation and I just know how much it’s going to mentally hurt to go through with but like you said, my current two are the priority here.

I think according to the previous poster your dp can't do wrong for doing right. He's done exactly what he should, your body your choice and he says he'll support you either way.
Try to forget about it over Christmas, you have time in the New Year to think what to do. Be aware though that going through with this pregnancy will alter the status quo and if you want a third child there is still.a chance to have one in the future, its not now or never if the time isn't right

Oh @Whatdoido287 what a heart-rending decision!
Is there any chance of you getting some emergency counselling so you have the space to talk it through with someone skilled and impartial?
Remember whichever decision you make it's the right one for you. Very very best wishes and a hug.

I got unexpectedly pregnant with a third. Me and DH were very torn. We had some counselling from a charity called Choices Charity Islington. 3 free sessions in total. It really helped us talk about our feelings.

good luck!

It’s a difficult one isn’t it! I do feel like he is doing his best which I am grateful for.
but thank you so much, I didn’t realise how much I needed to be told I am allowed to not think about it for the moment - as it’s consuming my mind when I want to be excited for my current DC for the big day tomorrow!

Thank you so much @heldinadream and @Nc546888 - I wasn’t even aware you could get specific counselling, I will definitely look into it as really feel like my head is in a huge mess right now so would definitely be beneficial. X

Whereabouts are you @Whatdoido287
Don't answer if you don't want to obviously, just I'm lying in bed with a flu/covid kind of thing I could see if I could find pregnancy counselling near you. Not got much else to keep me occupied.

Oh that’s so kind of you. And I am so sorry for hearing that you are poorly - especially this time of year! I am located about 20 minutes south of Bristol x

Try ringing the pregnancy advisory service, it's located at Central Health Clinic in Bristol at Tower Hill.

Weirdly I was there myself a couple of weeks ago getting my breast screening done!
Even more weirdly I have just moved house from a village on the A37, back into Bristol. We were about 25 minutes south, depending on traffic!
Pregnancy advice doesn't seem to have its own website but the number is 0117 342 6824. They might be open today Google wasn't sure.

Thanks for your good wishes, I'm kind of OK with it. Will miss Xmas day I was invited to but see most of them at the weekend if I'm better so got my fingers crossed for that now!

Contact Marie Stopes or BPAS they have people who can talk through your options with you in a non-judgmental way.

Thought I’d edit to say that DP has said that whatever I want to do, it is my body so he will support me either way.
Does he mean he will wholeheartedly parent a 3rd child just as well as he does the first 2?

Thank you so much, I wouldn’t have known where to start so please know how much what you have just done for me is incredibly valued!

Hope breast screening was all ok. But how bizarre is that! Love a good coincidence! 🥰 We are actually in a village on the A370 in between Bristol and Weston Super Mare so slightly more south west then south but obviously definitely still well within reach of Bristol, so thank you again.

Really hope that you’re feeling better enough to be able to enjoy tomorrow and glad you’ll still be able to see friends/family on the weekend!! Really horrid being so poorly on Christmas!

@Mulledjuice 's info also useful, so you should be able to talk to someone soon I hope! Xmas being in the way a bit.

I know the coincidence is funny!

The village I just moved from has initials FG, I'm sure you must know it.
Take care of yourself over Xmas and try not to worry too much there are support services out there to help you make your decision.
Hope it all goes OK.
Haven't heard back from breast screening so I think I'm OK. Was only the usual routine stuff.

Yes thank you both to you and @Mulledjuice . All the advice has been amazing, appreciate it hugely ♥️

and I’m pretty sure I know if I am thinking of the right one! Does the nearest town have initials of MN? What a small world, not far from me at all (if I am thinking of the right place!).

Going to focus on making Christmas special for my little ones and then over the next couple of days I will contact those you have suggested.
But thank you so much, you’ve been incredibly supportive and gone out of your way to help me, you’re honestly so kind. Have a lovely Christmas (hopefully you wake up feeling alot better!!) and a lovely new year x

Ahh, you too @Whatdoido287 , and I hope you get it sorted afterwards in the least painful way possible.
Yes you're right MN the nearest small town to where we were! I'm loving being back in Bristol now, FG wasn't for me in many ways.
Take care of yourself. I hope you and your family have a lovely, peaceful Christmas.

If you truly want your precious baby and as you say you have always wanted a family of three and you have a supportive partner, it is fair to abolish all need for perfect practicalities which can be adjusted later on. Once you have your much wanted baby in your arms, all the hindering things you mention won’t matter and they will seem so trivial in the grander scheme of things. Wishing you all the best 🩷

Ours was over zoom (they do the whole of the uk) and they came back to us with a slot within 24 hours.

Good luck whatever you decide and enjoy your Christmas Day! X

personally i had two free sessions also with bpas and didn’t find it as helpful as choices as the therapist I got only said about 2 words in over an hour and didn’t give me enough to go on. Choices counselling talked about losses and gains of all options and head/ heart feelings which helped give a framework to my confusion