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Struggling with pregnancy and toddler

3 replies

Mumtobe888 · 19/12/2024 18:56

Hello, not sure the point of this really just after some advice I suppose.
Im 34 weeks pregnant and completely burnt out. I work part time and look after my toddler the days I’m not working, I don’t get much help.
My partner never helps with dinner, bathtime and never helps put our son to bed (I sleep with him every night on his floor bed) and I feel so resentful and angry.
I’ve found myself being snappy at my toddler which isn’t like me at all. We’ve just had a massive row, he was upstairs having a long bath and it just sent me into a rage that he get this time after I’ve been at work, bathed our son, cooked dinner and now I’ll put him to bed . It just all feels so unfair and all he says is that I’m his mum and this is what I should be doing which I know but I’m just so burnt out. Yesterday I sobbed the whole
way hom from work becuase I’m just so tired.
im due to have a c section and I have no ideal what’s going to happen when I can’t do everything I do now

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SomeOfMyChildrenAreFurry · 19/12/2024 19:32

@Mumtobe888 Ugh, I am SO sorry that you're not only heavily pregnant and having to look after a toddler, but that you've also found yourself saddled with a total man-child 🙄

I can literally feel my blood boiling reading the bit that you wrote about him saying that you're his mum... perhaps you ought to remind him that you're fully aware that you're DS's mum, but you're not HIS mum and he has a responsibility to your child, too. And, in fact, as your partner, who (I presume) consciously decided to procreate with you, has a duty of care to you, too. So, perhaps if he's unwilling to share the load, he can pay out of his own pocket for a childminder so that you can have a break. And, while he's at it, maybe he can also pay for a cook and a cleaner.

In the meantime, I suggest you stop doing anything for him that he can reasonably do for himself. Don't wash his clothes. Don't cook his dinner. Don't do a single thing that you don't have to. Because that seems to be exactly his attitude towards you. So, from now on, if he's not prepared to pull his weight (and, by the way, we women need to stop referring to that as "help", because it's not - it's simply him doing his part in what are essentially SHARED responsibilities), then you need to stop enabling his attitude.

And, if (when) he calls you out on it, simply remind him that, as he said, you are DS's mother. Unfortunately, however, DS happens to have an absent father and you have an absent partner, which means that you have a higher workload to contend with than you can reasonably sustain. Therefore, in order to ensure you can fulfill the role of both parents whilst maintaining your own wellbeing, you've taken the decision to stop undertaking anything that isn't geared towards caring for yourself and DS.

Failing any kind of meaningful improvement, I think you really need to weigh up your options and consider whether you can continue to live with this excuse of a man. Do you have any other family/friends who may be able to provide support after your c-section? X

Kaleidoscopic101 · 19/12/2024 19:36

I second above poster entirely. Without giving you more to worry about but it will only get worse once baby arrives and indeed when baby stakes their claim on your time and attention. He needs to take responsibility of something ...if this has to be something clearly defined as his then so be it. He needs to step up or step out I'm afraid OP.

Peonyyyy · 19/12/2024 21:58

Why doesn’t he do any parenting? Why doesn’t he respect you? Why are you having another baby with a man like this?

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