How to deal with the information? Can we trust the doctor?

[Takumi]

Hello everyone:-)

We had an ultrasound yesterday (week 17 + 4).

Our doctor is older and has been in the business for a very long time. She even gave birth to my partner's sister of over 25 years.

Yesterday she wanted to determine the sex on request. The baby didn't really “want” to show anything.

However, she did manage to briefly see and explain something.

Her response was:

If I had to say what there is today, I would say girl.

She showed us two thicker strips (almost like apple slices) and explained that these are the labia. (like in the 2 pictures from the intern). (Yes many speak of 3 lines)

But we are not supposed to buy everything in pink yet.

When we later asked if it was “only” a tendency, she laughed and said “No, that's more than 50%”.

Of course we are happy about everything. But now we don't really know what to think. The picture with her description made sense. We assume that she is not the kind of doctor who just says something without knowing what she has seen (she doesn't need to).

She is one of those people who would rather say nothing than say something wrong.

It is clear that it is never 100%.

What is your experience? Can we easily expect a girl? Can we assume that someone with over 30 years of experience at 17 weeks can tell the difference between a girl and a boy?

I almost have a bad conscience if I'm looking forward to a girl now and it's suddenly different. :-( Do you know what i mean?

It's quite early. I would file it under "probably a girl" for now and see what happens at your anomaly scan in a few weeks. Either way sounds like you're growing a lovely healthy baby, so congratulations.

I didn’t bother finding out with dd1 as my 3 friends were all told wrong. I did find out with dtds because they were identical and I had fortnightly scans so they checked multiple times.

Presumably you get a 20 week scan on the NHS? Just ask again then. I'm assuming that this is not the scan that you've had as 17 weeks is a bit early to be having it.

We had our 20 week scan and the sonographer struggled to see the sex (baby would not cooperate at all). He said he had a guess but he doesn’t say unless he’s 95% sure and he was way off that. He was semi-retired so he had lots of experience. I didn’t ask him what his guess was, a part of me wanted to but then I wonder if I will just second guess or be disappointed if I set my heart on what he said and it turned out to be the opposite.

You could ask again if you are going to have another scan at 20 weeks?

I don't think there's much to read into it - it's still quite early and baby wouldn't cooperate to get into a good position to show you anything. There could be a tiny penis hidden somewhere but you won't know until you have a scan when he/she is in a more cooperative mood.

Just ask them to check again at your next scan. 17 weeks is still early for identifying the sex. The doctor is probably right but just being cautious. It will be clearer in a few weeks.

No scan is 100% accurate. And please don't get sucked into the 'pink or blue' bullshit, it's so regressive. You'll be having a boy or a girl. Prepare for either and take scan's with a pinch of salt.

If you are really keen to know for sure, you could pay privately for a NIPT test which is designed to test for genetic abnormalities, and it will also tell you the sex with 99% accuracy. I had one done as I was concerned about genetic issues at my age and we found out it was a girl by 12 weeks.

Was his initial guess correct?

Oh he never said his guess and I didn’t ask. I didn’t really think until we had left that I should have asked out of curiosity. I’m now 22.5 weeks so still a while to go. I will try asking again though when we next have a scan (possibly 32 weeks as a growth scan). I have a Doppler scan next week but it’s purely for the arteries to the womb so I will try to ask then but they could just tell me no which I’m expecting them to.

Oh, I have to wait too (5.5 weeks). Do you do the ultrasound with a doctor as well? Hmmm, I really don't know what to think. Is it wrong to be cautious when thinking about girls?

I saw my son on the screen and you could see his bits - definitely a boy!

Get another scan of you are unsure

Oh and please buy neutral the pink / blue stereotyping is awful and starts from birth it’s nonsensical. Buy white and then bleach and hot wash

Tbh, I think it's wrong to care either way.

The anomaly scan is extremely detailed, they check all the organs that can be seen. It's with a sonographer not a doctor. They will probably also check the sex if you ask them to and it may be more clear by then.

It can still be wrong either way, there's no guarantees.

But we are not supposed to buy everything in pink yet

yet? So you plan on buying everything in pink?

why? You do know it’s not damaging to buy colours other than pink or blue?

you’ve got a 50:50 chance. It’s early, chill.

To say it again… this post is not about color 😨

It wasn’t about the colors. The phrase “don’t buy everything in pink” was meant purely metaphorically.It’s about understanding what the doctor meant.And who has had similar experiences.Not the color😅

Ah, in our case (we are from Switzerland), all exams, including ultrasounds, are exclusively performed by doctors. Is it not the same in your case?

As mentioned, it’s not about the color! That was an example from the doctor, not ours!😅

Just get a private scan if you want to know sooner

Sorry but I'm stuck on this bit "Our doctor is older and has been in the business for a very long time. She even gave birth to my partner's sister of over 25 years." Is she your partner's step mother or do you mean she delivered his sister 25 years ago?

Do you particularly want to know the sex or are you just confused about what she said? I never found out the sex with mine, I thought it was exciting to find out when they were born so I've never had that sort of conversation so don't know what it all means. Sounds like everything went well so congratulations on that.

The doctor delivered my partner's sister more than 25 years ago. So, she was already my mother-in-law's doctor! Yes, we want to know. Sorry for the English, it’s not my first language.