7 months ttc since late baby loss and a horrific year

[PMD29]

Hi Everyone,

Apologies for the essay.

I guess I am just seeing if anyone has been in a similar boat and had some positive news to share and how long it took?

At the end of last October 2023, my husband and I lost our baby girl. She was so wanted and we had her whole future mapped out, we were besotted. I was 15.5 wks pregnant, when we lost her. I had numerous scans and all seemed well. I delivered her naturally and the physical part went smoothly. We had a ceremony and cremation. It had a huge impact on us and I was devastated for a very long time. I still am heartbroken, but I am handling it better.

I was unable to start trying again until January and February, but I was not ready, I was just too upset and anxious. So we took some months off and let the due date pass. I was so devastated on her due date, I did not even ovulate for the first time in my life.

Then we started again in May, July and August. But my mam fell very ill and nearly died. We are very close and I never felt stress like it. So no doubt this had an effect, as for the 2nd time in my life, I did not ovulate in September. I also lost an uncle and aunt in both September and October.

Now, I have been to acupuncture, which helped a lot with the grief and sadness. Thankfully, Mam is recovering. Hopefully. our awful year is behind us. We started trying again in October and November. But another bfn this month.

We had genetic and blood tests etc, all fine. The loss was due to a chromosone issue, 3rd most common one in miscarriage.

However, this month will be our 8th and I am starting to worry. The first time around, it only took 5 months, however we were relaxed and just home from our holidays.

So basically any advice? Anyone experience similar? Do you think all the grief and stress has prolonged us getting pregnant.

I am just turned 36 and my husband is turning 42.

Hoping to hear some ressuring stories.

I was much more relaxed last month and much the same this month.But the worry is niggling.

Thanks for reading.

#reassuring

Hello. I'm sorry to hear you've had such an awful year. 2025 can only be better, right?

I am close in age to you, and conceived first after about 5 months of trying too. Lost that pregnancy - discovered at my 12 week scan that it had stopped at 5 weeks, and things dorted themselves out a week or so later. It took months before my cycles came back, and they never became at all regular again. I do have PCOS, though.

I resorted to using ovulation tests to give me a clue what was going on, and very very regular sex. We did eventually conceive again and now have a lovely toddler. I found out i was pregnant after a relaxing holiday ...

So, maybe try ovulation tests, rampnup your love life and schedule some relaxing breaks next year. Ttc, especially after loss, can really drive you mad.

Thanks for the reply.Using opks and doing smep plan. Cycles thankfully went back to normal after the loss, apart from lack of ovulation due to stress. A HUGE congrats. How long did it take?

Honestly I don't remember, but probably around a year. Thinking about it, the holiday was planned as a distraction from the date when pregnancy #1 would have been due, so, I guess that means it was 8 months or so?

So sorry. Try all the possible tricks to reduce stress impacts - somatic yoga, meditation, sleep hygiene, etc.

also do something for your enjoyment. So easy to forget yourself in all this.

Have you had a basic blood panel done to check anything that can be fixed - iron, thyroid, etc.

💐

Hi..

Meditation is helping. All bloods done after the loss and all perfect. Husband's the same. I know it is grief and stressm Just impatient, now I feel better etc 🤣

Hi OP, sorry for your loss. I was pregnant with twins boys identical so I was due to give birth at 36 weeks last Christmas. Unfortunately at 30 weeks, my first twin was born sleeping and my second baby died in my arms after 4 days in the Neonatal intensive care unit. . We had their funeral shortly before Christmas day.

It took 8 months to conceive again as I was absolutely broken from the death of my sons, still am but I'm getting there. I'm nearly 23 weeks pregnant again but you need to allow time to do it's job. I didn't factor that even though my babies died I still gave birth and was numb from grief. Its a difficult road. Grief definitely stopped me getting pregnant. It only took me 1 go to conceive my twins and with my other two pregnancies before them sadly mc - it took 1 go and 3 goes. Grief absolutely stalled me and so did the desperate want to replace what I lost. I finally realised I wasn't just grieving a baby, I was grieving the family I lost. Two boys that I'd never see again. It was horrific.

Being pregnant again has its own challenges. I'm highly anxious, I felt terrible guilt and often when I visit my boys grave i find myself telling them I haven't forgotten them. It's been over a year now and I'm just about pulling through. So keep your head up and know that time is a healer. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas

I’m so sorry for the loss of your little girl, and the awful year that followed.

Stress can definitely impact on fertility so I’m sure the very difficult year you’ve had has had an impact. It won’t be a permanent impact though - your body will return to a regulated state as you move further away from the intense periods of stress and trauma.

I hope that 2025 is a more peaceful year for you and that you get your rainbow 🌈

OP I’m so sorry for your loss. Do not pressure yourself to move on, grieve for as long as you need to.

My experience is not like yours and I don’t want to compare such a small loss to such a big one but just to give you my experience to try and reassure - we struggling for a few months trying to conceive DC2. I had a positive test and was pregnant for a few days before having a chemical pregnancy. Bear in mind this was a “low level” loss and resulted in a very heavy and painful period….it took me a further 6 months to conceive. Don’t underestimate how much your body needs to heal. It is mind and body combined. Please be very very gentle with yourself. Can you take the pressure off on tracking ovulation for a few months and give yourself that time back to yourself?

Sending lots of love. I know how hard this must be 💓

Okay, here’s my reassuring story - I tfmr and it took another 20 months to get pregnant again, I was a similar age to you too. I was starting to
lose hope and also had a tough year with health issues and being made redundant, i was at a real low. I tried loads of things, some of them possibly silly like taking a certain type cough medicine to improve cervical mucus and vitamin Q10 (that one I think could have had an affect?) but it happened when I was starting to get back on track - I’d just started a new job and was feeling a bit more together - I don’t think that was a coincidence.
sorry for what you are going through, it’s brutal 💐

Thank you so much for the lovely message. I am so so sorry for all you went through. It must have been horrific. You are very brave. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you have your precious baby in your arms soon xx

Thanks for the lovely message. Means a lot x

Thanks for the lovely message. Sorry for your loss, any loss is awful. That is reassuring. I might do that with opks x

Thanks for the reassuring message, that helped a lot..SO sorry for your loss.

I lost my first baby age 43 at 10 weeks. I then went onto develop post pregnancy thyroiditis. It took several months to resolve and I chose to wait a while before ttc again in spite of my age as I wanted to be fully well emotionally and physically. I eventually had my DS after an uneventful pregnancy age 45. Take a bit of time to heal and don't lose hope.

Thank you.That is so reassuring.

I haven't been through anything as hard as you but did have three miscarriages before finally conceiving my daughter. 22 months from starting trying to successful pregnancy.

Each pregnancy was a long time in between and I had a lot of people telling me that I wasn't relaxed enough and if I could only stop being anxious and stop trying so hard then it would happen (just like it did for them! 🙄) They made it sound like a magical formula and that I was to blame for my failure.

The month we conceived her was the month following our last miscarriage (an IVF loss) and I threw everything I had at that cycle: tracking, vitamins, loads of sex, progesterone, aspirin... Needless to say it was very busy, stressful and TTC was 100% on my mind all the time but I still got pregnant.

I guess what I'm trying to say is please never feel like the reason you haven't conceived quickly is because you're overthinking it or are stressed. If you're ovulating, then you have a chance. Stress will not be stopping sperm getting through. Babies are conceived in war zones. It's not your fault!

Your body has been through a lot. Look after yourself and keep trying in whatever way makes you feel happiest.

I hope you get your wish soon and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry you've been through such an awful time. When you have a miscarriage the loss is like a huge void you want to fill straightaway. I had a missed miscarriage of twins back in may and was trying desperately to conceive again. (Conceived by accident not even trying before!)
Was 6 months and my periods went really short likely from the stress. I paid privately to see a consultant as I couldn't bear not knowing if something was wrong with me. He said to me that the fact you got pregnant shows something no tests in the world can prove - you can and will get pregnant again. He told me to stop measuring my temperature and no ovulation strips as they were causing stress. Have sex every other day and enjoy life. Low and behold 2 months later I am pregnant again.
It will happen for you too.