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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Hubby being a kn*b!! Should I stay mad with him??

20 replies

EmmaKateLouise · 01/05/2008 08:47

My hubby yesterday said that he didn't like my mother being there with us at the hospital whilst I was in labour (she went to a waiting room whilst I actually gave birth, so it was just hubby & I) and that he wouldn't ring her to tell her we'd gone to the hospital this time, as he wouldn't want her turning up again!! So I said I'd ring her if I needed her there but he said I'd be in no fit state to ring.
Am very very cross with him. Haven't really spoken to him since, but No.2 is due very soon (am 39wks) and really need to clear this up. Am I right to stay mad with him? Or has he got a point that he just wants it to be us two at the birth/labour?
Men! I bl**dy hate 'em!

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 01/05/2008 08:58

He has a point - perhaps he felt pushed out - but why did he not say something back then instead of now?

Could your mum not help at home by looking after your elder child?

CantSleepWontSleep · 01/05/2008 09:02

He definitely has a point. Should be a lovely experience for you and dh as a family unit. There is plenty of time for wider family to get involved later.

TotalChaos · 01/05/2008 09:03

actually I'm more sympathetic to the OP - unless the mum stirred up trouble or wasn't helpful, I think since the OP is going through labour, she should get her choice of people to support her through it.

blinkingthreetimes · 01/05/2008 09:06

My Mil kicked off about my mum been there ,she said it was a private experience between me and dp

Your dh is been selfish if you want you're mum there then have her ,you are going through it and it is up to you .

MY mil by the way was at the birth of my sil's baby 10 weeks ago

BandofMothers · 01/05/2008 09:08

My mum was at the birth of both my girls, and I loved that she was, and so did DH, she was someone for him to lean on while I was leaning on him.
It was great that she was with us to share the moment. But then my mum is very non interfering and we all get along well.
Does your DH get on with your mum iin general??

TBH I think you could do without this kind of crap being on your mind as you are giving birth and you shouls tell your DH that this kind of thing is hard enough without conflict like this going on, I migh teven threaten to ban him from the room if he keeps on causing you all this extra stress. After all it is bad for you and the baby

BandofMothers · 01/05/2008 09:09

blinking, I bet your mil would have been there like a shot had she been invited, and she is just jealous.

minster · 01/05/2008 09:16

Frankly I think it's up to the woman who she has around when she's in labour. The man involved may not like it ... but birth isn't about men so they can lump it!

franke · 01/05/2008 09:20

What's his problem exactly? You say it was just the 2 of you when you actually gave birth, so it hardly sounds like he was being pushed out in any way. From the little you've told us I agree that it is up to you who is around when giving birth and rather unfair of your dh to spring this on you at this late stage of the pg.

TotalChaos · 01/05/2008 09:28

also bear in mind that research indicates that women do better when there is another even untrained woman around to support them in labour.

Libra1975 · 01/05/2008 09:32

hmm did he give you specific reasons about WHY he didn't want her there? If you could sit down and explain to him why you want her there and he could explain why he doesn't want her there maybe you could find some middle ground?
However if you want her there and she did actually leave the room for the birth I don't really see his problem.

jbob · 01/05/2008 09:44

Having a baby is a big thing for a woman and if you feel more supported having your mum there then that is beautiful. Ask your husband to explain why he does not want your mum there. Having a baby should be a family thing. It broke my heart that my mum was not there for me when my first son was born. Maybe get your husband to read all these messages, it might help him understand.

cheerfulvicky · 01/05/2008 13:32

I really want my mum as well as my DP there when I give birth. I feel I will need her, as I know what I'm like when I'm frightened or in pain, and I just want my mum
DP is fine with it, really supportive. After all, I'M the one who has to give birth, not him, so I think I should have final say in the matter.

Don't know what I'd do if he kicked off, probably talk until we found a compromise that worked for everyone, like mum supporting in the labour and then going out for the final birth. But it sounds like you tried that the first time, and he still complained. Which to me, sounds bloody unreasonable. I think if the setup worked well for you last time, the repeat it and feck him. He sounds selfish..

WrongSideOfTwenty · 01/05/2008 13:39

I agree that if you want her there then she should be there. If it is just because she feels she has a right to be there then no way, get her to help out at home instead.
I only wanted my dp there with me, I wanted it to be just the two of us, both times, but my sister had my mum as her main birthing partner.

It's up to you, what do you want?

At the end of the day you are the one going through it and though you need to listen to your partners reasons for objecting it is down to you.

Sorry that you are getting stressed about this, you don't need this to worry about!

Good luck with the birth x

solo · 01/05/2008 13:45

From my point of view, it is important for the dad to be there above the grand mother, as the bonding is a big thing which starts immediately, even if you don't realise it.
I'm sure your mum will understand, but it's you that needs to resolve this issue before you going into labour and I can't help thinking that you've left it very tight!

Original poster

EmmaKateLouise · 01/05/2008 14:17

Have now spoken to hubby and we have agreed that my mum (& his) can come and visit afterwards and that he will be nice and helpful throughout the labour, however long it may be (3 days last time!!) and won't moan about me squeezing his hand too tight!
Now just need to work out how to tell my mum, tactfully, that she has to wait at home... Am thinking of going down the route of saying hubby felt like a spare part last time and wants time for just the 3 of us.

Thanks for everyones help!

OP posts:

lollipopmother · 01/05/2008 14:22

I don't want my parents there when I'm giving birth, can't think of anything worse to be honest (although we all get along well). I expect my mother will be completely offended that I don't want her to see me pushing something out of my fanjo, but I am just going to have to be strong, I would feel really uncomfortable her being in the room, and even more so my dad!

staranise · 01/05/2008 14:28

My mw for my first birth said that they hate having the mothers there as they can't bear to see their daughters in so much pain and tend to intefere. I jsut have my Dh there but can't say he's a great help. He seems to enjoy it however

Thankyouandgoodnight · 01/05/2008 21:08

It sounds like your mum just turned up at the hospital univited last time - is that the case or have I misread? If that is the case, then she does need to be told not to as that is a huge assumption for her to make thinking that she would be welcome.

Kezza7779 · 01/05/2008 21:11

o my god, my mum is my birthing partner, my dh will be there too and has to accept that! it will stil be a special time for me and him but my mum is my rock and thats the end of it. he can like it or lump it!!!!!

cantseemyfeet · 01/05/2008 23:32

I had my mum there for all 3 of mine and so glad I did. Had partner there for DS1 and 2 but I dont think they have the slightest idea how much pain your in and having another woman there too really helped. She has said it was the 3 best days of her life and something she will never forget and I am glad that she was there to see it. Dp didnt seem too bothered though, think he was just glad he wasnt the only one being screamed at. He got to cut the cord, first hold of baby etc, while mam went to make calls to family. She was my rock for DS3 and if you are close to your mam then dont give in just to please DH. I can totally understand he wants it to be just you 2 but at the end of the day its YOU who needs the support and if you feel better with your mam there then stick to your guns and tell him he gets to choose who comes when HE gets to spend several hours trying to push a large baby out of a small hole!!

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