I go to the midwife today and I am terrified

[AprilBaby2025]

I am 24 weeks pregnant and have an appointment with my midwife today. It is my 4th appointment with her. I post on reddit before every appointment because I just get SO scared and freaked out and need reassurance or support (my husband is very supportive though).

I have a HUGE medical fear / fear of anything medical related. I have severe health anxiety and am constantly scared I have X disease. Ever since childhood, although there were definitely longer periods of "remission" over the past 20 years (it started when I was 9 and I am now 30).

But due to my health anxiety, I have avoided the doctors at all costs. Fortunately, I have felt healthy so rarely needed to go to the doctors in my life. And the few times I did go, I would have anxiety attacks.

But I can't avoid medical care when I am pregnant so I need to face my biggest fear up front. It's brutal.

One of my biggest fears is blood pressure. This has been a fear I developed as a child and I am TERRIFIED of getting my BP taken. No matter where I am. In a medical setting, at home. I am scared of the cuff itself. It really sucks. I am scared of the result. Of course anxiety = high blood pressure. And when the reading is high = more anxiety = higher BP. It's awful. I wish I was normal.

And exposure therapy doesn't really work for me (I've tried) as I have OCD so it just results in me having the cuff around my arm for literally 10 hours a day thinking the 'exposure' will help. So it leads to compulsive behaviour.

And I have also been freaking out over the last few weeks because I am still not sure if I am feeling her move or it's just gas / muscle spasms. So I am freaking out about if the baby is doing ok in there too.

The second after one appointment, I then spend weeks worrying about the next appointment. I woke up this morning with my heart racing just terrified. Of course, this is counter productive when I want my BP to be good. My blood pressure fear is by far the worst part of pregnancy. In fact, this is the part I'm worried the most about our of literally everything. Even labour. I am just worried about having my BP monitored a lot.

Shockingly, my BP has been ok the past few times at the midwife's office (with a manual cuff). High end of normal (120/80-85), but she's not worried. I find that weird since every single other time at doctors offices it is sky high on the automatic machines. Even my home one is higher on the diastolic. But I am just so worried the other shoe will drop and the next time it will be high.

Anyways, I have my appointment in 2 hours. Any reassurances or tips to relax me? :(

Yes I am in therapy.

Sorry OP - I'm not sure what anyone here would be able to say to help.

The only thing i can think of is just try remembering it is for your Baby. I was terrified of blood tests (never had one before pregnancy) as i hate the thought of things being inserted into my body.

But knowing it was for my daughter somehow made it easier - because its not about me and my fears or feelings anymore - her life is more important that my fears.

Your fear of taking the blood pressure is irrational. Just repeat that to yourself, close your eyes and grab something to hold in the other arm and get over it.
Ahh and prepare the midwife for the drama, maybe apologise in advance and tell her that you try to behave as well as you can but the fear is strong.

This is what I do with needles. It works for me.

Trust the midwife's blood pressure measurements. It is dead simple and that is their job, they can do it while they are asleep.

Your personal observation of heart beat etc often not correlate with the blood pressure levels.

Hi OP, have you posted here before about the midwife and your distrust of her checking your BP?

Thank you. I just had my appointment. I have 2 different midwives and I have only ever met one of them but my appointment today was with the other one, which kind of made things worse because I wasn't use to her yet. I broke down in tears and had an anxiety attack with a SUPER fast heart rate. She was very supportive and the other midwife already let her know about my anxiety. So she was so sweet and supportive.

She did take my BP at the end of the appointment. Her and my husband helped me take deep breaths. I was still freaking out. But she said my BP was normal. Which I was shocked by given my anxiety. We (her and my husband) decided it was in my best interest to not tell me specific numbers and just that it was normal. When I asked if it was under 140/90 she said "oh yeah... it's good".

So now I have 2 different midwives who have measured my BP and got normal readings. But I am still questioning the legitimacy of the readings!

She also found a good heartbeat with lots of variability (which she said was a good sign) and my tummy is growing on track (I was 1 week ahead last time and I am measuring 1 week ahead this appointment as well).

I feel a bit better. But still questioning how accurate the measurements are! lol

Yes that's me lol. I had a different midwife measure my BP today, said it was normal (despite how freaking nervous I was) and I still don't believe it lol. So 2 different midwives have measured my BP now.